chrismayer
in
ftm
A baby despite my years
Hi guys,
I've know all my life something was not right, what, I didn't fully realize till recently. I thought for the longest time, I was just bi, sure that seemed to fit in many ways, but deep down, I still felt off...something just didn't fit.
I've been writing on and off the last year or so about how I am feeling what I feel like I am lacking and such. Then in the last 3 months, since my son left to go live with his dad, I went back and read over what there was, and what I had put into words.
WOW! was I blown away.
I realized why I felt odd, why it just wasn't right, I didn't fit in the world of women, because, well you guessed it, I was to much of a guy, and damn, didn't fit in with the guys, because I was to much of a woman.
I'm not happy playing the "weaker sex" I find myself in positions that I respond more like the typical text book male...men are from mars and women are from venus....well...I am so from mars it isn't funny.
I'm 43 going on 44 though guys, and all these years I have held back kept myself just on that edge of crossing over of being real, yet held back, because it "wasn't right".
Where do I begin...therapy I'm sure, but how so I be true to myself...how do I let go of all I have known for so long to be what I have held inside for just as long? Or am I a fool to think I can be happy with myself after all these years?
I've know all my life something was not right, what, I didn't fully realize till recently. I thought for the longest time, I was just bi, sure that seemed to fit in many ways, but deep down, I still felt off...something just didn't fit.
I've been writing on and off the last year or so about how I am feeling what I feel like I am lacking and such. Then in the last 3 months, since my son left to go live with his dad, I went back and read over what there was, and what I had put into words.
WOW! was I blown away.
I realized why I felt odd, why it just wasn't right, I didn't fit in the world of women, because, well you guessed it, I was to much of a guy, and damn, didn't fit in with the guys, because I was to much of a woman.
I'm not happy playing the "weaker sex" I find myself in positions that I respond more like the typical text book male...men are from mars and women are from venus....well...I am so from mars it isn't funny.
I'm 43 going on 44 though guys, and all these years I have held back kept myself just on that edge of crossing over of being real, yet held back, because it "wasn't right".
Where do I begin...therapy I'm sure, but how so I be true to myself...how do I let go of all I have known for so long to be what I have held inside for just as long? Or am I a fool to think I can be happy with myself after all these years?