People like me are the reason you guys get so much shit
im so sorry, guys. i have so much respect for you and i feel horrible for all of this.
ive spoken to many people about this and been thinking for a long time.
I feel like a traitor and in general a horrible person who fucked up her life because of other people.
you heard me. Her.
All my life i've been told that i wasnt special because i wasnt a guy. I tried so hard to be that. so. hard.
I know what a gender therapist would say to me and i also know that i've been stupid and immature. what a surprise.
it mainly started with my first girlfriend. Luane.
I was her little 'experiment' and she would tell everyone how much of a good lesbian she was and would show me off like i was her pet. But then, one day, she cheated on me. Three guys in one night. She even told me. I snapped and dumped her, her final words were that she was never really a lesbian anyhow so it didnt hurt her.
well. that hurt me.
my boyfriend. the only guy i have ever actually dated and probably the only one i will date. he was gay basically. classic christian story, the lesbian and the gay. welp anyhow, he used to tell me how he had a 'dream man' that wasnt me. he dreamed of men. he dreamed of me being a man. that was what he'd wanted... and i was blinded by love and the fact that he was only using me. id been telling him i was considering transitioning and he had a fit. he didnt want that? i was shocked. i wanted to give him everything just to make him happy... i had hoped that if he got whatever he wanted then he'd pay attention to me...let me talk about my life for once instead of his lies about what he was like or instead of him constantly putting me down and begging to have sex with other people.
the sweetest Rozsa. I know i should never think to be anything for you. but you were someone that i wanted so much. so sweet, innocent, beautiful... but you wanted a man, not me. I had hoped that you would love me in that way if i would transition to male. I was horribly wrong.
all in all i thought this what id wanted because its what other people seemed to want. and im so sorry, i really am... i fucked up by trying to please everyone else.
my dearest love, Ayriea is just about the most wonderful person i could ever have asked out. I love you so much, Ari. I know you have your quirks, but that makes you perfect in my eyes. You always know what to say and when to say it. You dont care what i am as long as its who i am. well thats a big thing, because im a chick. but im also inbetween. I feel more comfortable with female pronouns, which is why i dont feel the need to correct people. I also dont care as much as people would think.
I dont like my upper body. my chest in particular. im very uncomfortable with it and its just...too big... id still bind just about every day and seek a reduction or top surgery or something of the sort.
first and foremost i am Blue. My gender isnt the most important, but i guess female would fit. i just.... dont call me a GIRL or something gross like that. I hate being called a girl. you can call me a chick or a guy, or a dude.
Am i the only one like this? well guess not DX dont you hate bad relationships though? lol i seem to have bad luck
ive spoken to many people about this and been thinking for a long time.
I feel like a traitor and in general a horrible person who fucked up her life because of other people.
you heard me. Her.
All my life i've been told that i wasnt special because i wasnt a guy. I tried so hard to be that. so. hard.
I know what a gender therapist would say to me and i also know that i've been stupid and immature. what a surprise.
it mainly started with my first girlfriend. Luane.
I was her little 'experiment' and she would tell everyone how much of a good lesbian she was and would show me off like i was her pet. But then, one day, she cheated on me. Three guys in one night. She even told me. I snapped and dumped her, her final words were that she was never really a lesbian anyhow so it didnt hurt her.
well. that hurt me.
my boyfriend. the only guy i have ever actually dated and probably the only one i will date. he was gay basically. classic christian story, the lesbian and the gay. welp anyhow, he used to tell me how he had a 'dream man' that wasnt me. he dreamed of men. he dreamed of me being a man. that was what he'd wanted... and i was blinded by love and the fact that he was only using me. id been telling him i was considering transitioning and he had a fit. he didnt want that? i was shocked. i wanted to give him everything just to make him happy... i had hoped that if he got whatever he wanted then he'd pay attention to me...let me talk about my life for once instead of his lies about what he was like or instead of him constantly putting me down and begging to have sex with other people.
the sweetest Rozsa. I know i should never think to be anything for you. but you were someone that i wanted so much. so sweet, innocent, beautiful... but you wanted a man, not me. I had hoped that you would love me in that way if i would transition to male. I was horribly wrong.
all in all i thought this what id wanted because its what other people seemed to want. and im so sorry, i really am... i fucked up by trying to please everyone else.
my dearest love, Ayriea is just about the most wonderful person i could ever have asked out. I love you so much, Ari. I know you have your quirks, but that makes you perfect in my eyes. You always know what to say and when to say it. You dont care what i am as long as its who i am. well thats a big thing, because im a chick. but im also inbetween. I feel more comfortable with female pronouns, which is why i dont feel the need to correct people. I also dont care as much as people would think.
I dont like my upper body. my chest in particular. im very uncomfortable with it and its just...too big... id still bind just about every day and seek a reduction or top surgery or something of the sort.
first and foremost i am Blue. My gender isnt the most important, but i guess female would fit. i just.... dont call me a GIRL or something gross like that. I hate being called a girl. you can call me a chick or a guy, or a dude.
Am i the only one like this? well guess not DX dont you hate bad relationships though? lol i seem to have bad luck