I don't have much to say that will help but I want to say, I don't know, something. I have to "be a girl" at home, and we have friends over right now who don't know about my being trans and the wife of that couple has this posh manner where she inadvertently stresses that she considers me female ("you're such a good girl", "you're such a lovely young lady", etcetera, etcetera), and I hate it, but I can't change anything for now either. As long as I live with my parents I have to pretend while I'm in the house (or when I'm out and about with them).
I mean, I tried coming out to them . . . and they just blankly said, "well, we don't believe you, so there", and that was the end of the discussion. So every once in a while they'll ask me why I wear men's clothes and I try to muster sweetness and say: "you know why," but then we don't talk about it either. It's just up in the air really. Drives me crazy too. But I don't want to alienate them either so I don't want to drive it to a head.
At work I am out and everyone is super about it. I pass quite a bit but sometimes I don't and when someone calls me 'ma'am' or tells their kids to 'talk to that lady over there' it makes me so angry. When I'm out with friends, same thing. But these are just recent developments, for years I was trans but told no one and was miserable.
So it gets better . . . eventually. It just takes a long while. And you have a girlfriend who loves and accepts you - which is amazing. To have a romantic partner who sees you as the gender you feel you is huge (I haven't got a person like that . . . I am very happy for you in this regard!).
The internet helped me a lot. I've been told by lots of people that I spend too much time online, but on the internet I could invent myself from scratch with nobody judging.
Binding-wise - when I'm not able to bind (i.e. when around my parents) I wear two very strong sport bras and layered clothes, focus on slightly baggier sweaters and hoodies that hide bulges and curves. I still pass with that combination sometimes :) And it's easier to breathe in than the binder (though I still prefer my binder, but then I don't have the breathing trouble). Would that help? They do a pretty good job on me.
The holidays are always a bit emotional. You're not alone and things will get better for you. If I've learned anything, it's that.
Yeah, I tried coming out to them and mum just didn't...take it in? She keeps asking why I bind, and I keep telling her and even trying to explain to her, but no luck. She doesn't talk about it, and I don't talk about it and like you, it's all up in the air and I don't want to alienate them either.
I'm not out at work, I guess I'm just scared of losing my job. It's not enough hours, but it's money and I need money, and jobs are so hard to come by just lately. I've only just started coming out to a few friends and they have been supportive so for that I'm grateful.
My girlfriend is MtF so we help each other. :) I am so so grateful to have her.
I shall have to have a lot. I was born premature so I do have problems with my lungs. I'll see if the sports bras help. Thank you for the advice and for the understanding.
My mother does the same exact thing! I tried explaining it to her when I came out but still, everytime she catches me binding, the same stupid question: "but you're squeezing your breasts down! Nobody will see them, people will assume you're flat-chested . . . why would you wear that, don't you want to look good?" ARGH. I've just given up for the time being . . . I hope she eventually gets it, if not, not . . .
Where do you work? Is it a kind of conservative place? A lot of places I've worked at were great when I came out, I've never had a negative experience (but I know that not everyone is as lucky).
Your girlfriend is amazing from what I hear :) Go the both of you!
So sorry to hear about the lung problem . . . binders in general can be in a pain. Sometimes I have to really concentrate on breathing through my stomach too, because I'll get winded. When I exercise too much, I get muscle spasms underneath it, it's kind of weird. I hope the bras will help at all :)
"and the wife of that couple has this posh manner where she inadvertently stresses that she considers me female ("you're such a good girl", "you're such a lovely young lady", etcetera, etcetera)"
My mother does that. :( Not out to her yet though, but it makes me really depressed and she'll never know why, especially since I suppose she means it as a compliment when she tells me that I'm growing into a 'beautiful young woman'.
So does mine! Even though I tried coming out to her. Either she just has selective amnesia about that (she certainly always asks "why do you shop in the men's department?" with such sincere wonder everytime I do, it does seem like she's completely pushed that away :p), or she's doing it unthinkingly.
But yeah, I've heard it all . . . "you could be such a beautiful lady", "you're a pretty girl, if you'd just make something of yourself", etc. -- anyway, I hear ya :( I wish there was something to do about it but I have no idea.
I mean, I tried coming out to them . . . and they just blankly said, "well, we don't believe you, so there", and that was the end of the discussion. So every once in a while they'll ask me why I wear men's clothes and I try to muster sweetness and say: "you know why," but then we don't talk about it either. It's just up in the air really. Drives me crazy too. But I don't want to alienate them either so I don't want to drive it to a head.
At work I am out and everyone is super about it. I pass quite a bit but sometimes I don't and when someone calls me 'ma'am' or tells their kids to 'talk to that lady over there' it makes me so angry. When I'm out with friends, same thing. But these are just recent developments, for years I was trans but told no one and was miserable.
So it gets better . . . eventually. It just takes a long while. And you have a girlfriend who loves and accepts you - which is amazing. To have a romantic partner who sees you as the gender you feel you is huge (I haven't got a person like that . . . I am very happy for you in this regard!).
The internet helped me a lot. I've been told by lots of people that I spend too much time online, but on the internet I could invent myself from scratch with nobody judging.
Binding-wise - when I'm not able to bind (i.e. when around my parents) I wear two very strong sport bras and layered clothes, focus on slightly baggier sweaters and hoodies that hide bulges and curves. I still pass with that combination sometimes :) And it's easier to breathe in than the binder (though I still prefer my binder, but then I don't have the breathing trouble). Would that help? They do a pretty good job on me.
The holidays are always a bit emotional. You're not alone and things will get better for you. If I've learned anything, it's that.
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Yeah, I tried coming out to them and mum just didn't...take it in? She keeps asking why I bind, and I keep telling her and even trying to explain to her, but no luck. She doesn't talk about it, and I don't talk about it and like you, it's all up in the air and I don't want to alienate them either.
I'm not out at work, I guess I'm just scared of losing my job. It's not enough hours, but it's money and I need money, and jobs are so hard to come by just lately. I've only just started coming out to a few friends and they have been supportive so for that I'm grateful.
My girlfriend is MtF so we help each other. :) I am so so grateful to have her.
I shall have to have a lot. I was born premature so I do have problems with my lungs. I'll see if the sports bras help. Thank you for the advice and for the understanding.
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Where do you work? Is it a kind of conservative place? A lot of places I've worked at were great when I came out, I've never had a negative experience (but I know that not everyone is as lucky).
Your girlfriend is amazing from what I hear :) Go the both of you!
So sorry to hear about the lung problem . . . binders in general can be in a pain. Sometimes I have to really concentrate on breathing through my stomach too, because I'll get winded. When I exercise too much, I get muscle spasms underneath it, it's kind of weird. I hope the bras will help at all :)
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I work at Asda, which is part of Wal-Mart over here. *sighs*
Oh yes, my girlfriend is amazing. :D But she's having trouble herself at the moment so we're both trying to just keep our heads above water.
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My mother does that. :( Not out to her yet though, but it makes me really depressed and she'll never know why, especially since I suppose she means it as a compliment when she tells me that I'm growing into a 'beautiful young woman'.
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But yeah, I've heard it all . . . "you could be such a beautiful lady", "you're a pretty girl, if you'd just make something of yourself", etc. -- anyway, I hear ya :( I wish there was something to do about it but I have no idea.
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