No fire...
So much that needs to be done. So much...
My Theatre Appreciation class starts week after next and since the classes are nearly three hours long, once a week, I'll need to have my stuff together. For real. Working on a syllabus this weekend.
Barely keeping ahead of Film Appreciation classes. Did so much work and studying up front, but now we are seven or so weeks in and I have to go week to week. Still really enjoy it and actually really am enjoying the whole process, but man oh man, it is a lot of work...
Am a week behind on Donnie Rocket comics and am trying to find the urge to do a bundle of them, but no fire for it right now (which is funny, since the Little Goldfish has gone off the reservation, so to speak, and can have all sorts of kick ass adventures). I'm even languishing in putting together the collected comics from last year into a book through CreateSpace. No fire...
Have a one-act in the final throws of first drafthood. Then what? Since wedding stuff looms in the spring, I'm on a sort of forced hiatus. No theatre projects until after next March. I have idea overload, but with no immediate outlet to set projects in motion, I'm left restless and stifled. Lots of fire, no fuel...
Bills to pay and back to being poor. This is how it will be every month. I'm now like everyone else. Sigh.
May just give up gym membership. I have been trying to track my eating, and thus eat better, but I think I am just developing less guilt about eating whatever the hell i want. I work out hard about once a week and am sore for the next four days. I see no progress. The pattern often works like this: I work out and eat well like crazy and a small amount of headway is made. But the effort and the result are not equal. I work harder than what i get out of it. And now, I can't even muster the energy at all. I always think that I'd be fit by now, but it never seems to happen. And the lack of fitness really is taking its toll lately. Short on energy, short on concentration, short on feeling good, short on looking good, short on libido, short on fire...
Tired of paying so much for gasoline. Tired of having to drive so much every day. Tired of complaining about how tired I am. Tired. Just tired...
Engel and I had a long talk the other night and she doesn't see me as a leadership figure, which really kind of disappointed me. I consider some of my best traits my leadership qualities. I forget that Ruth did not know me when I was in the thick of running Audacity Productions, or Mild Dementia, or French Club Dropouts, or the Theatre Department at R.L. Turner. She met me when I was purposefully trying to slow down and take stock of my own personal attributes as a performer/writer. She sees me exclusively as a loner. As for my leadership qualities, apparently, those do not come across to my fiancé...
In addition, sometimes, I think she has a version of me, conceptually, in her mind and doesn't see the reality all the time. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive to this stuff...
Sigh.
Read about Sir Richard Francis Burton, the explorer/spy/literary man the other day. I was both inspired and defeated somewhat. I thought, man, what a life! And then I looked around at my own situation - anchored in Dallas - and the dark clouds rolled in.
My Theatre Appreciation class starts week after next and since the classes are nearly three hours long, once a week, I'll need to have my stuff together. For real. Working on a syllabus this weekend.
Barely keeping ahead of Film Appreciation classes. Did so much work and studying up front, but now we are seven or so weeks in and I have to go week to week. Still really enjoy it and actually really am enjoying the whole process, but man oh man, it is a lot of work...
Am a week behind on Donnie Rocket comics and am trying to find the urge to do a bundle of them, but no fire for it right now (which is funny, since the Little Goldfish has gone off the reservation, so to speak, and can have all sorts of kick ass adventures). I'm even languishing in putting together the collected comics from last year into a book through CreateSpace. No fire...
Have a one-act in the final throws of first drafthood. Then what? Since wedding stuff looms in the spring, I'm on a sort of forced hiatus. No theatre projects until after next March. I have idea overload, but with no immediate outlet to set projects in motion, I'm left restless and stifled. Lots of fire, no fuel...
Bills to pay and back to being poor. This is how it will be every month. I'm now like everyone else. Sigh.
May just give up gym membership. I have been trying to track my eating, and thus eat better, but I think I am just developing less guilt about eating whatever the hell i want. I work out hard about once a week and am sore for the next four days. I see no progress. The pattern often works like this: I work out and eat well like crazy and a small amount of headway is made. But the effort and the result are not equal. I work harder than what i get out of it. And now, I can't even muster the energy at all. I always think that I'd be fit by now, but it never seems to happen. And the lack of fitness really is taking its toll lately. Short on energy, short on concentration, short on feeling good, short on looking good, short on libido, short on fire...
Tired of paying so much for gasoline. Tired of having to drive so much every day. Tired of complaining about how tired I am. Tired. Just tired...
Engel and I had a long talk the other night and she doesn't see me as a leadership figure, which really kind of disappointed me. I consider some of my best traits my leadership qualities. I forget that Ruth did not know me when I was in the thick of running Audacity Productions, or Mild Dementia, or French Club Dropouts, or the Theatre Department at R.L. Turner. She met me when I was purposefully trying to slow down and take stock of my own personal attributes as a performer/writer. She sees me exclusively as a loner. As for my leadership qualities, apparently, those do not come across to my fiancé...
In addition, sometimes, I think she has a version of me, conceptually, in her mind and doesn't see the reality all the time. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive to this stuff...
Sigh.
Read about Sir Richard Francis Burton, the explorer/spy/literary man the other day. I was both inspired and defeated somewhat. I thought, man, what a life! And then I looked around at my own situation - anchored in Dallas - and the dark clouds rolled in.