Reflecting...
I have decided that there is nothing I miss more right now than being in Marching Band. And nothing makes the pain of longing more acute than listening to recordings of FSU's Marching Chiefs and knowing that I was a part of that. It's a mixture of pride and loss.
I am a musician. I am not playing music. This is a problem. ~.~
And I am no longer at FSU. This, too, is a problem. I find it almost impossible to be proud to be a "UCF Knight" when I am at heart a Seminole. Perhaps that's a bit snobby, but I don't care. It's how I feel, and there is no reason to apologize for that. I have no one but myself to blame for not being where I want to be. Maybe that makes the hurting worse. It was not taken from me, rather I let it slip away.
So many choices, I feel, are being presented to me. None of them are easy, really. Each path leads to a totally different place. I'm not sure if one of the paths I long for wants me to follow it, either. So much doubt.
*le sigh*