I've been composing this for a few days, but then decided to change it.

[fshfsh]

I've been thinking about my pet peeves, which I described to Eleanor the other day. My top one (besides people not washing their hands after the bathroom, because that's just disgusting) is when people say "I'm OCD about that". Because what they really mean is "pet peeve". And it really bothers me that they minimalize this, and it kind of makes me feel insulted, but just a little bit. I went and read "The Boy Who Couldn't Stop Washing" (yay! another book finished! I think I'm down to 4 now) and I have realized a few things about myself. I'm not really clear on how to describe these realizations. The first is that there are a whole lot of people in the world who I feel really sorry for, and those are the severe obsessive-compulsives, the ones who can't function normally because they have to wash for half the day or take two hours to walk 100 feet because every step has to be perfect. I am incredibly glad I am not them. The second is that I've finally made a connection. I always have at least two thoughts on my mind, and often more. I discovered that while I read, I always have the words of the book, my mind's commentary of the book, and at least one other extraneous thought, which can be blocked out with music (hence the reason I always listen to music when I read). When I'm writing, I'm luckier and usually have only two. I don't need music when I write. I don't need music when I speak, but it's often nice to have if I have a lot on my mind. Music is good for thought-blocking, which is also why it's nice to listen to music when I fall asleep, even though that doesn't always work. I was also thinking about how all my report cards since kindergarten say that I don't concentrate, and I realized - that's exactly it. I always knew I could concentrate on the teacher talking and the book under my desk (which I was reading) and on whatever other thoughts I had. I mean, if someone asks me what I think they said when they thought I wasn't concentrating, I can usually repeat it back to them. Which makes me think that back then - as now - I just concentrate on so many things that it looks like I'm not concentrating. Unfortunately, often these things are unpleasant, like having a phrase or a number stuck in my head, or having the same image of bad things happening repeat over and over, or thinking of things I'm scared of, or thinking that these things will actually happen if I don't do certain things, like not look a certain way, or don't move a certain way. Then suddenly these thoughts become compulsive, and it's like an itch. If you scratch an itch, it doesn't do anything for you and makes you feel worse about scratching it. If I tell myself not to do something, it's overpowering until I do it, and then I feel bad that I did because I gave in. This is in no way, I believe, related to me just being organized and germ-conscious in general. I don't do wierd things like think that germs will leap onto me from door handles, but going back to pet peeve #1, you just never know. I also organize my closet, but I think it's just aesthetically pleasing to look at things in symmetrical or rainbow order, and I feel like most people who have seen my closet agree. However, in times of stress (like last spring, or when I'm scared of things in the dark) the thoughts and the neatness become overwhelming and that's when I start thinking about six things at once and I just feel like there's a weight on my brain, and I just need to sleep, but then I get the wierd dreams. Anyway, I would highly recommend the book even if you are not obsessive or compulsive because it is very informative.
In conclusion, this livejournal had no catharsis or reason, so... the end.

In happy news, Saturday is our special day! Yay special day! I have been drawing commemorative stick figures, but now I can't remember what we're planning to do because I gave Eleanor the stick figures.