there is no subject
i had a long hard talk with someone last night and it made me realize many things that have been occuring. and most of it is true bullshit and thats how its proble gunna stay. there has come to be a fine line between friend and drug relationship. and yea, i could tell you where that line is drawn..clearly. and hanging out with other people has made me come to realize that this drug thing is starting to get old. the drama. the fighting. the 4 days of planning for shit that doesnt even work out cuz you'll say your gunna do all this shit, but the day its all supposed to go down..you back out. fucking excellent. i can't call you my friend if all we talk about is drugs and people that do drugs. and when did it suddenly become not cool to hang out without drinking or smoking? thats what made me realize it like i said a couple of sentances ago. mayb i dont wanna go smoke all of the time. mayb i dont wanna sit there and drink my nights away. so im gunna start to hang out with other people who understand having a good time isnt based on drinking and smoking all of the time. and yea i realize that its high school and its normal and we're all gunna grow out of it. but yea, during the summer it was fucking awesome and i wouldnt trade this past summer for the world. but now that schools in session and has been for 2 months now, it clearly sucks.
its fun once in a while..but i dont need this every single weekend bullshit. these things have our minds so corrupted that its not even fun to joke about anymore. i have a job now. and putting this money into my hands, picking up that paycheck every friday, the first thing that comes to my mind is, hmm how much could i get with this? but no. its not gunna go down like that anymore. im sick of routinly giving in my money every week like its a bill i have to pay. i kno all of this might sound a little controversial but its not directed solemnly at anyone, im saying it for my own good. i have plenty of better things that actually mean something to do in my life right now, and one of them isnt smoking away my money anymore. like i said, the summer was a different thing, and whos 2 say next summer wont be like this one, thats awesome. but now, my grades are dropping, i have grades now that ive never had before and i need to pull them up or my ass will be grass. its the little things with hanging out with people who "may not seem cool" to all of my basic friends. like going to headless horsemen with ambre n shannon. and riding with r.j. you have no idea how good it felt to sit on that machine for 3 straight hours and just tear it up. no drama in either of those 2 scenarios. theres just so much to worry about with everything else. and i want it off of my mind.
no ones saying im going to completely stop. i just have other things to attend to in my life right now. and im not basing my life on every weekend going somewhere and smoking the shit out of myself. i just want my friends back. the friends that have turned into drug relationships. i want them back. but for now, i'll just have to deal with it. no need making a big deal over something that not everyone else agrees with you on. its just not worth it.
its fun once in a while..but i dont need this every single weekend bullshit. these things have our minds so corrupted that its not even fun to joke about anymore. i have a job now. and putting this money into my hands, picking up that paycheck every friday, the first thing that comes to my mind is, hmm how much could i get with this? but no. its not gunna go down like that anymore. im sick of routinly giving in my money every week like its a bill i have to pay. i kno all of this might sound a little controversial but its not directed solemnly at anyone, im saying it for my own good. i have plenty of better things that actually mean something to do in my life right now, and one of them isnt smoking away my money anymore. like i said, the summer was a different thing, and whos 2 say next summer wont be like this one, thats awesome. but now, my grades are dropping, i have grades now that ive never had before and i need to pull them up or my ass will be grass. its the little things with hanging out with people who "may not seem cool" to all of my basic friends. like going to headless horsemen with ambre n shannon. and riding with r.j. you have no idea how good it felt to sit on that machine for 3 straight hours and just tear it up. no drama in either of those 2 scenarios. theres just so much to worry about with everything else. and i want it off of my mind.
no ones saying im going to completely stop. i just have other things to attend to in my life right now. and im not basing my life on every weekend going somewhere and smoking the shit out of myself. i just want my friends back. the friends that have turned into drug relationships. i want them back. but for now, i'll just have to deal with it. no need making a big deal over something that not everyone else agrees with you on. its just not worth it.