Sanity and Heart ache
I'm trying so hard not to lose my mind lately. I just can't grasp onto much anymore, I feel like throwing my chips in the pot and folding. I've been so quick to anger lately that its a wonder I don't have and annurism and die.
Things that beaved me lately are one my gf asked me if she could kiss a girl and thought I would be okay with that. I was infact very discusted that she would even ask the question or even consider it. Then I go to a party and this girl was like yea Stephs always like I can't drink cuz Ryan would kill me. What the fuck! You should be drug free for yourself not for me. Its a choice of purity over stupidity. I love the girl to death honestly I do, but I can stand things like giving up life for another person you only give up life for your children no one else.
I lost a couple of not friends but close aquantinces this week because in their drunken banter they were being duech bags and thought I was the asshole, but the day a drunk kid tells me what a real strait edge kid is, is the day I get pissed beyond words. Besides that one of the bitches was fucking with my boys head fuck that shit. To say the least the four edge kids got thrown out first.
My moral is really being tested lately, and it hurts inside more than ever. I try my hardest to stay strong but it always seems like something is there to hold me back. It get harder breathe almost every single day.
I feel like running away, and takeing a very long extended vacation. To Seattle, Hawaii, or even New Mexico. Then someday returning to start my family, but I'm scared of all the things I'll miss. I don't want to miss Nell's baby growing up, I don't want to miss Annie's first big corporate dance on broadway or what ever, I want to see all my friends grow and I want to grow with all of you. Plus missing Bruce get married would be a sin.
I'm sorry I have't ben the best friend lately and I've been and even worse boyfriend, but I'm starting to lose site of who I am and I'm really being blinded by my hate for alot of people and more than that all the bullshit of this country. I want to take a pipe and beat the fuck out of every jock asshole cheerleader bitch kids that think drinking drugs and being fucked up drunk driver is cool. I can't help but rant I'm going insane what ever.
This for the kids that stuck by me since day one. I love all of you, you have always taken my shit and kept coming back for more. Fuck I can't stand losing anymore.
Things that beaved me lately are one my gf asked me if she could kiss a girl and thought I would be okay with that. I was infact very discusted that she would even ask the question or even consider it. Then I go to a party and this girl was like yea Stephs always like I can't drink cuz Ryan would kill me. What the fuck! You should be drug free for yourself not for me. Its a choice of purity over stupidity. I love the girl to death honestly I do, but I can stand things like giving up life for another person you only give up life for your children no one else.
I lost a couple of not friends but close aquantinces this week because in their drunken banter they were being duech bags and thought I was the asshole, but the day a drunk kid tells me what a real strait edge kid is, is the day I get pissed beyond words. Besides that one of the bitches was fucking with my boys head fuck that shit. To say the least the four edge kids got thrown out first.
My moral is really being tested lately, and it hurts inside more than ever. I try my hardest to stay strong but it always seems like something is there to hold me back. It get harder breathe almost every single day.
I feel like running away, and takeing a very long extended vacation. To Seattle, Hawaii, or even New Mexico. Then someday returning to start my family, but I'm scared of all the things I'll miss. I don't want to miss Nell's baby growing up, I don't want to miss Annie's first big corporate dance on broadway or what ever, I want to see all my friends grow and I want to grow with all of you. Plus missing Bruce get married would be a sin.
I'm sorry I have't ben the best friend lately and I've been and even worse boyfriend, but I'm starting to lose site of who I am and I'm really being blinded by my hate for alot of people and more than that all the bullshit of this country. I want to take a pipe and beat the fuck out of every jock asshole cheerleader bitch kids that think drinking drugs and being fucked up drunk driver is cool. I can't help but rant I'm going insane what ever.
This for the kids that stuck by me since day one. I love all of you, you have always taken my shit and kept coming back for more. Fuck I can't stand losing anymore.