fic: jump in 6/6
jump in. part six.
the thing about kat is, she makes promises to herself all the time that she knows she can't, won't, keep. this is one of those promises. lily loveless/kathryn prescott. 5475 words. (NC-17)
disclaimer: This story is lies, lies, lies. Complete fiction.
note: wow, this went and got porn-y on me. sorry about that. not.
(credit)
it's okay to say you've got a weak spot,
you don't always have to be on top
(i am not a robot, marina & the diamonds)
"So how long you and Lily been fucking?"
It's just her and Meg at the breakfast table. The clatter of Kat's spoon dropping against her bowl eventually breaks the silence. "I thought you said you weren't going to drink before lunch anymore."
(Even as she says it, she knows she can't smart her way out of this.)
Meg rolls her eyes, tilts her head and places a hand over hers. It's far too sisterly and caring for Kat's liking, and she quickly pulls away. "You love her, then."
Meg alternates between looking happy for her sister, then sad. All Kat sees is pity.
A movie premiere. Red lips and pale skin, the feel of fingertips at the small of her back and Kathryn is suddenly inundated with Lily.
"Hey, stranger." Blue, nothing but blue.
"Long time no see." This time it means something. This time, it's Lily's hair that's gotten longer - there's a wave in it, begging to curl around Kat's fingers. But there are flashes and people yelling over other people, a red carpet and shitty weather. This isn't the time.
It's never the time.
Her fingers glance forward anyways. She licks her lips.
First the interviews serve as mini-reunions, hugs and smiles in cramped spaces. Then, then it all just burns into one. It's more like a job than Kat had kidded herself into thinking it'd be. She ends up spending more time talking to people she doesn't know than her own friends. She tires of it quickly. The only thing (and it should be noted how reluctantly Kat accepts this fact) that redeems it -
Well, does it even need to be said?
(Lily holds the mic for her.)
Later - music is blaring and Meg's fucked off somewhere. It's all mingling now and Kat fucking hates mingling.
"Drink?" Lily's lips along her ear. Kat turns, sees the full pint. She shakes her head in lieu of answering and turns back to the crowd. Then - Lily's hand, fitting perfectly at the small of her back. "You alright?"
"Why wouldn't I be alright?" Kat mumbles.
"What?" Lily holds her ear out, even squints. "Can't hear you!"
"It's too loud in here, let's just...not talk."
Lily hands her pint to Lisa, who gladly takes it, and then entwines her fingers in Kat's and pulls her through the crowd, the exit sign dead ahead. They step into the back alley and Kat braces herself to be pushed against the cold brick, to be devoured -
But it never happens. Lily keeps a hold of her hand and when the door clicks shut behind them, she takes ahold of Kat's other one. "You alright?"
"You already asked me that."
"And I couldn't hear you in there, all that noise..." Lily's brow furrows and her eyes are searching. Kat feels the sudden urge to look away, to run away. "Now I'm thinking you actually aren't alright."
"Tired, is all."
Lily's face softens, but the concern remains etched into her eyes. "You can tell me, you know. Whatever it is."
Fight or flight. It kicks in, quick, and Kat's hands are shaking in Lily's, and her feet are taking her to the door, pulling her away from all this. "It's cold, I'm gonna - "
The door's locked. Of course it is. Kat lets out a sigh that's far too revealing.
"I'm sorry I never called."
It's inevitable, but it still manages to clench down on Kat's heart.
Don't do this, Lily. Kat squeezes her eyes shut, holds onto the handle of the door for dear life. She's shivering so bad it hurts and she's certain it isn't the cold behind it. "Yeah, well."
She feels Lily step closer behind her, feels the brief touch of her fingers on her shoulder before they're gone. Small steps. Everything for Lily has to be done in small steps.
"I thought maybe you'd call - "
"Don't," Kat shakes her head furiously, tears spilling out onto her cheeks. "Don't you fucking put this on me."
Lily's arms wrap around her, envelop her. Her face buries in Kat's neck and she holds her tight, and fuck it, if this is what stops the shivering. "I wish I could stop being so stupid."
"Me too."
Lily walks Kat back to her parents.
Kat makes tea and when she gets upstairs, she sees Lily through the crack in the door, sitting awkwardly at the foot of the bed, looking at the opposite wall adorned with pictures. Even when Kat finally steps inside, it takes Lily a second to tear her eyes away.
She smiles, says thanks in a voice no louder than a whisper.
After a minute of stirring, silverware scraping against porcelain, Kat finally just says it: "I can't do this anymore, Lily."
Lily doesn't look surprised, simply nods. After a minute, she looks up at Kat, tears in her eyes. "It's easy to start something first, get to know them over time, after you've already - you know. But this... I got to know you first and I ended up fucking liking you and liking hanging around with you."
"Like it's a bad thing," Kat whispers, watching her thumb trace along the rim of her tea until both Lily's hands reach out and cover hers. There's little left to do but look up. She still regrets it.
"If we... if we started something, something serious, and it didn't work out? I don't think I could stand it. I mean - even if there wasn't this, I'd still be terrified of after. After Skins, after... everything. I'm scared." She blinks tears, practically chokes out the words: "I'm always fucking scared."
After, too soon after -
"You can stay, if you'd like." Kat nods at the window, but doesn't look away from her. "It's cold outside. I've got a big bed."
Lily doesn't move for a moment, looking to seriously contemplate the suggestion. Finally, she sighs, and it sounds like it tears right through her. "It's not a good idea."
"Lily," Kat laughs to save herself from crying. "When was it ever a good idea?"
(It's not that either of them are exactly experienced, or expected to be. They just really should have planned for this better.)
There are more interviews. It's all in good fun.
They don't talk much when the cameras turn off.
Her 18th comes and goes. She gets a text from Lily, a card in the mail, and this is all she chooses to remember. The next day, it doesn't take Kat long: "I hate it here."
Meg doesn't look up from her book. "You're not my first choice for company, either."
"You know what I mean."
"Move out, then. You'll be doing it for uni anyways, right?" It sounds so logical, coming from Meg, and Kat can only shrug instead of actually agreeing with her out loud. "Better than sitting around complaining. What 'bout Lily?"
Kat had looked at her, eyes wide, shaking her head. "No! Why would...why - ?"
"Calm down, then." Meg looks worried for a moment, before settling into that special sisterly concern: "Just thought you'd like more convenient access to...whatever it is you lot get up to."
She cocks her eyebrow, corner of her mouth turning up, all briefly, before she returns to her book. Kat kicks her under the table.
Not that Kat didn't already know this, but: Jack needs to learn when to keep his fucking mouth shut.
Filming is soon. On the table, for every script there's a highlighter and two cups of coffee. Luke's knee hits the table repeatedly, while Meg doesn't even look up from her mobile when Jack walks in, last to arrive. He gets right to it, smacking Kat's arm as he slides in next to her. "There's a runner boy, yeah? Wants to see your fanny."
Kat immediately glances over at Lily, who's looking in any other direction but hers. She looks back to Jack, who's getting smacked by Kaya.
"Apologies. He wants to take you out for dinner, a movie, a long walk on the beach. Then he wants to see your fanny."
"Good to know you haven't let your manners slide over the break," Lily says with a laziness about her voice, not even looking up from her script.
It seems, though, with her words, an impenetrable silence falls over the table, and everything gets really quiet for a long minute after. Until, finally, Lily pushes away from the table and walks out of the room, mumbling something about needing a smoke.
Jack looks around at everyone. "Wot I say?
Outside -
"He's probably not even serious."
"And if he is?"
Kat wraps her arms around herself. "It might be nice, go out for a drink. Help get my mind off things. Can't become a nun, can I?"
At this, Lily smiles, but it falls quickly and she takes a deep drag of her fag like it'll do her better than air.
"I'm not doing it to hurt you. I just... I can't wait around, Lily."
"I know, I understand," she says, and Kat believes her.
(The thing about Kat is, she makes promises to herself all the time that she knows she can't, won't, keep. This is one of those promises.)
All the extras are dancing to music that isn't there, will be added later, and Lily is holding her and kissing her and giggling and it's all too much.
Lily always licks her lips after the director yells cut! and everyone starts to move around to restart positions and usually this is when the script reader will come up and refresh them on their lines, only they have no lines. Their job today - all day, if that's what it takes - is to make out on the staircase.
Kat should really be used to how ridiculous this all is by now. She really should.
(Later, in the dressing room:
"What flavor is that?" Lily will ask as Kat twists back on the cap of her lip gloss.
"S-Strawberry."
"Hmm." Kat sees Lily in the mirror, licking her lips. "I like strawberry.")
Back to London for a few days and it's silly, but Kat makes sure to go through Wood Green. She doesn't even care when Megan rolls her eyes so hard they look to nearly fall out. She looks down the road, sees a sliver of the entrance, a glance of Mountview.
Everything about this is silly.
The date doesn't go over too well. He's nice enough, even quite cute, but there's something lacking in the entire evening. Kat has to force herself to hold interest in what he's saying, has to not squirm awkwardly when his hand briefly touches hers. It's an entirely uncomfortable dance that lasts far too long, and she can't get out of the pub fast enough.
Of course, she'll text Meg (after scrolling down to Lily, then deciding against it) and her next destination turns out to be yet another pub. And what Meg doesn't tell her about this pub is that Lily's there too. Kat lies to herself that she'll have a word with Meg later about this, convinces herself she's angry at this coincidence. She does this so she'll stay, so she'll approach the bar.
Lily looks surprised - happy - to see her. "Hey, I thought - "
"Not even," Kat mutters, sliding onto the stool next to her and grabbing her half-full pint, finishing it off. "Mind?"
There's a hesitation behind Lily's smile, like she knows this is dangerous grounds. She nods anyways. "Not at all."
"Why d'you hafta be such a prat?" Kat slurs as they stumble down the road towards Lily's. She trips, nearly falls, but Lily catches her, slings an arm around her neck to give her stability.
"It's quite frustrating, isn't it?"
"You have no idea. Why can't it be simple? It's easy, that's why it's called simple. I like you, you like me. Simple."
Kat trips into a pothole, nearly takes Lily down with her. The blonde sighs, distracted. "Things'll get fucked up, Kitty Kat."
"Isn't it already? I can't fucking think without you popping up. Can't work, can't eat breakfast, can't take a bloody shower."
"Thinking about me in the shower, are you?"
"Oh, piss off."
Lily stops walking, keeps a hold of Kat, turns her so that their facing one another. "I think about you all the time, too. I'm just - "
"Scared. Always fucking scared. What're you scared of? It's me, not Meg."
Lily snorts. "I'll give you that."
"And this - " Kat places her hands on either of Lily's shoulders, pushes her against the wall and holds her there, bodies touching at every fathomable inch and their lips only a breath apart. "What's so scary about this?"
"Everything." Lily's trembling. "Everything."
"You never let me..." Kat kisses along the line of Lily's jaw, pushing her hips against Lily's, an intake of breath sharp in her ear. "Let me."
"Kathryn," Lily breathes, pleads. "Not here."
She pushes away from the wall, gets back to walking, hand finding and never letting go of Kat's. After a minute: "I can't quite figure you out, Kat."
"Feeling's mutual."
Lily's flat, her boots kicked off, the hall light on and Kat's pushing Lily against the wall, fumbling with her belt.
"Hey." Lily's hands on either side of her face, just looking into Kat's eyes. It's silly and she's not quite sure why or how, but it soothes Kat, it slows everything down. "I'm gonna get you to bed, alright?"
"M'not drunk," Kat explains quickly, seeing the concern on Lily's face just before her eyes lose focus. "Just a bit...buzzed."
"Of course." She hands Kat a glass of water. "Here, since you're sober, why don't you grab this and take it to my room, alright? I just need to lock up."
Rest assured, Kat spills half of it before she even gets to the bed. She nearly dozes off sitting up, and when she slips off the edge of the mattress, Lily's there to catch her. She hoists her back up, swings her legs over and starts pulling at the sheets to cover her.
It's all so bloody sweet, and Kat can barely see it through the tears in her eyes.
"Hey." Lily's lips between her eyes, comforting. "Get some sleep."
Kat snatches at Lily's wrist when she starts to move away. Her thumb strokes the pulse she finds there. "You'll stay with me?"
"I'm just gonna crash on the couch. S'no big deal."
"It is a big deal. This...your bed." Kat fights to keep her eyes open. "Stay, please."
Just as slumber takes over, edges fading into sleep, Kat can hear Lily whisper: "Okay."
Sunday dawn pours through the window when Kat wakes, face buried in Lily's hair. There's the smell of smoke from the pub, and strawberry shampoo and Kat breathes it in. Reluctantly, she lifts her head up to see what time it is, winces at what the clock reads and sees that Lily's legs are still hanging over the edge of the bed, passed out exactly where she was sitting the night before.
Her smile stretches big, from ear to ear.
Lily stirs, rolls over, hair golden in the morning light, a streak of smeared mascara at the corner of her eye and her lips waking into a tired smile. She's never looked more beautiful.
"Hey."
Her hand lifts and Kat can feel her fingers even before they touch her cheek. It's soft, so soft it almost hurts.
(They fall back asleep, Kat's head resting in the crook of Lily's neck, Lily's hand framing Kat's cheek, their legs tangled.)
Minutes from noon, Kat is again the first to wake. Ignoring her cotton mouth and the tinge of a headache behind her eyes, she props herself up on an elbow and looks down at Lily, brushes the hair out of her eyes. She reaches over her to grab the remote at the edge of the table. As she does, she feels Lily groan before she hears her. She looks down and sees Lily on the verge of laughing, face practically buried in Kat's cleavage. All Kat can do is laugh as well.
"You really are a perv, Kitty Kat."
Kat smacks at her, rolls back onto her side. After a minute, she smiles to herself. "Kitty Kat. I like when you call me that."
"Yeah? I'll have to remember that."
"Is it...?" She holds up the remote an Lily nods. Kat turns the telly on, flipping through the channels. Eventually, she lands on an old cartoon and leaves it for the color and noise. Her hand drops to warmth of Lily's thigh like it belongs there. She can feel Lily relax underneath her. "Alright?"
She can see Lily nod in the corner of her sight. After a few minutes of watching the cartoons in silence, she turns just in time to see Lily looking away, caught staring. Kat smiles. Lily fights one herself, blushing furiously.
"Breakfast?" Kat offers.
Lily's mouth opens around the word yeah but it never quite comes out.
"You don't have to - "
"It's the least I can do." Kat squints against the light pouring in through the window. When she turns back to the stove, she can hear the shades moving, can see the light dimming as Lily closes the blinds. She smiles to herself at this. "I know I'm no picnic when I'm pissed."
"You were alright," Lily says after a minute, sounding distracted.
Tea kettle on the stove, Kat grabs a box of cereal from above the fridge and starts her search for some bowls. She finds them quickly, and soon, she's sliding two full bowls across the counter, spoons in hand. She sits on the stool next to Lily, looks from the bowl to Lily, back to the bowl, before shrugging. "It's no breakfast at the Ritz -"
"It's great," Lily nudges Kat's shoulder with her own. "Exactly what I'm in the mood for."
"Good, because I'm a shit cook."
Lily nods, not even trying to keep a straight face. "You probably are."
"I'd like to see you try and cook a three-course meal all by your lonesome!"
"Oh, I can."
"All proper and graceful? A young, blonde Julia Child, perhaps?"
"I prefer Jamie Oliver." Lily smirks behind her spoon. "Naked Chef has a nice ring to it."
"You'd go there, of course. You know I'm going to hold you to that, right?"
"What, the cooking part? Or the cooking naked part?"
"Which one has a nicer ring to it?"
"Got me there."
The tea kettle whines, beckons Kat back into the kitchen. She slides off the stool and touches a hand to Lily's back. "Want anything else?"
Lily shakes her head and Kat heads around the counter. She isn't familiar with Lily's kitchen, but finds it easy to figure out where everything is after a moment. She finds porcelain, fingers tracing the old-fashioned pattern adorning them, thinks maybe they were Lily's mothers, grandmothers, handed down through generations.
She's pouring the water when, out of nowhere:
"Stay here with me."
She turns and sees Lily sitting straight, hands fidgeting on the countertop, eyes glassy. She's rapt, waiting for Kat's answer. She's never looked more nervous.
And all Kat can manage is: "What?"
"Stay here with me, Kathryn."
Her full name, the way it punctuates itself and holds so much more meaning than it should. "You feeling impulsive, or what?"
"I don't like when you're not around. Haven't ever. And seeing you... you look good in this kitchen." Lily looks away, bites her lip, blushes. The words carry too much emotion, too much weight, and she looks to realize this, clearing her throat and throwing in a shrug for good measure. "All...domestic."
She knows there are reasons, legitimate excuses, but she comes up speechless, and ends with nothing more than a sigh.
"Kathryn..."
Stop. Don't say my name, not like that, Kat wants to say, but doesn't. Can't.
"You can stay here whenever we're back. You said you can't stand living with your parents anymore. You said you liked the neighborhood. You said you missed me and..." Lily's voice cracks and this is what does Kat in: "I miss you, too."
Kat's throat tightens, and she fights a losing battle trying to get rid of the lump there, no strength in her voice at all: "Why - ?"
"Why not?" Lily cuts her off, stepping forward. She seems to catch herself, stops, takes a step back. Her hands take to fidgeting with her blouse again. Her smile is nervous, but genuine. "I'd like having company."
"There're ads for that."
"I'd like you as company."
"Lily, what're you doing? What...what is this?"
"This is me being brave." She reluctantly shrugs. "Well, alright, I'll never be brave, but I don't care anymore. I want this. I want...you. I want us."
Kat walks across the room to her, and the lack of space between them sends Lily's body into a shudder. Kat holds her. "This isn't - you have to see why I'm so - "
"All I know is that I want to wake up next to you. I want to watch cartoons with you. Want to see you messing about in the kitchen in nothing but your knickers." Lily's hands on either side of Kat's face, delicate. "It'd be an added bonus waking up with my face between your tits, too."
Kat snorts, but Lily just smiles bigger, kissing the tip of her nose. "Fucking hell, Lils."
"My heart." Lily grabs Kat's hand and places it on her chest, where her heart is beating furiously.
Without a thought, Kat dips her head down and kisses between her fingers, kisses Lily's heart. A whisper: "Are you scared?"
"Yes," Lily answers, no hesitation. She's never sounded so sure. "And I couldn't be happier."
Kat kisses her, fingers curling around the inside of her wrists as she frames her face again. It's languid, like they have all the time in the world. But -
"We leave for Bristol tomorrow." Her forehead rests against Lily's, eyes still shut, trying to memorize this moment. If this is a dream, she wants to remember every second of it. Lily just keeps holding onto her. "I can't wait a week."
"For what?" Lily's voice might very well tremble with curiosity, anticipation.
(And Kat might very well be proud of this fact.)
Kat goes out for a bit, mum's the word, and when she returns with an armful of groceries, the look on Lily's face is worth it. Then, she sees the script on the counter. She can't fight her own curiosity.
They read it together, curled up on the couch.
I was scared.
You're always scared.
Kat drops the script into her lap, runs her hands through her hair. "Wow."
"Yeah," Lily's shaking her head, eyes like glass. Her hand on Kat's. A squeeze. "Naomi's a bit of a fucking prat, isn't she?"
They look at each other. Kat looks into Lily's eyes and she knows, without a doubt... "Just a bit."
They get well into cooking by the time the sun sets, the warm color of the day's end being the only light as they move about in the kitchen. It's small, but in a way Kat appreciates: it's intimate. It also gives her an excuse to rub up against Lily.
"Hand me the garlic?" Lily asks, licking spice from her thumb. Kat holds it out, and just as she reaches for it, she pulls her hand back and scoops in for a kiss. Lily smiles against her mouth. "Clever."
Kat breaks the kiss, purposely early, and walks over to the stove, making sure to her let her fingers trail along the brief skin between Lily's shorts and top. "Let me do it. How much?"
The way Lily looks at her then, Kat knows it isn't the stove nor the warm evening air that suddenly makes everything go hot. It's all Kat can do not to kiss her again.
"Here..." Lily's hand on hers, holding it over the pot and shaking it with her. "See?"
"Mhmm," Kat hums. She leans in so that her lips graze along Lily's jaw and whispers: "You did that just to get close to me."
She can feel Lily's grin against her cheek. "Lies. I simply feel invested in your culinary improvement."
"You're so noble." Kat grabs a hold of Lily's hips and spins her around, presses their bodies together so she's against the counter. She lets out a noise of surprise, and her smile is battling with the nervousness in her eyes.
"Kathryn..."
"You are a good cook, you know. The only thing..."
"What?"
Kat grins in the low light, a bolt of confidence in how on edge she has Lily waiting for the answer. She leans in to whisper in her ear: "You still have your clothes on."
Lily throws her head back, laughs. Her hands tangle in Kat's hair. "Kathryn Prescott, are you trying to seduce me?"
She nods, doesn't wait for Lily to smile back, come up with another quip. She wraps her arms around her and she kisses her. Lily gasps against her mouth, fingers digging into Kat's arm.
The water bubbles over the pot onto the stove, sizzling in the heat and steam rising quick and thick. Kat jumps over, turns the handle to OFF, but not quickly enough, boiling water dripping down to her finger and burning her.
"Fucking - !"
Lily's already got the faucet running for her. She dips her finger under the stream of cool water, hissing at the sting. Kat sighs, "I guess we'll have to start that pot over."
Lily's hand reaches out, covers Kat's under the stream of water. She gently brings Kat's hand to her mouth, presses a kiss to the redness of her finger.
Kat has to remind herself how to breathe.
"I'm not too hungry, actually."
(They don't make it to the bedroom.)
Stumbling blindly into the living room, Lily's foot catches on the couch leg and she falls backwards, Kat only barely catching her. On the floor, Kat fists the carpet on either side of Lily, to give her hands something to do while she tries to slow this down.
But then - Lily snags Kat's bottom lip between her teeth and there's a whimper and Kat should deserve a medal for not tearing every fathomable piece of clothing off of her right here and now.
It's an odd contradiction, kissing Lily now. It carries a familiarity - there's a before, there's a past between them - and yet there's also a freshness. It feels new. Maybe because this time, for once, it's her kissing Lily, it's her on top. It's Kat in control, Lily abandoning herself entirely to her.
Lily's fingers are trembling when they snag at Kat's top, shaking against cotton and then skin and cool air mixes with a warm sigh into the concave of her neck, thumbs digging into the ridges of her hips and this, this is what Kathryn might call perfection. She bucks, but it's Lily that moans out:
"Fucking - God - !"
"I prefer it when you call me Kitty Kat, actually." There's a smirk, criminal. They kiss again, hard at first, like before, until it slows into intimacy. Kat's hands frame Lily's face as she presses a kiss to every part of her mouth. "You could call me fucking Beetejuice and I'd still get off on it..."
Nails dig into her back, shoulders. Lily's hips buck up and the friction is teasing. "Fuck, Kat."
Kat slips her hand up Lily's shirt, bunching the fabric until fingers ghost along the underside of her breast. There's a string of swears from both of them, Kathryn yanking Lily's shirt off while Lily takes to unbuckling Kat's belt. When everything is ripped off (a few tears, certainly) Kathryn braces arms on either side of Lily, shifts her body until she fits between Lily's legs. She does this and looks at Lily, and Lily looks back. Everything stops and she pauses, obviously taking a moment to memorize this moment. When she pushes against Lily, their eyes are locked.
Kat's the first to moan, dipping down and kissing at the hollow of Lily's throat, running her tongue along the sensitive skin there, across her pulse, behind her ear, snagging her earlobe between her teeth. She's sure Lily will leave marks in her back. She wants her to.
"Kath - Kathryn..." Lily gasps in her ear, holding onto her for dear life.
Sitting up, Kat slings a leg over Lily's so that she sits, fitting perfectly against Lily. She settles into it, into the feeling of skin against skin, the feel of Lily below her. Her hand splays flat across Lily's stomach, feels the sharp rise and fall and she immediately leans forward and kisses her, this time softer, patient.
Lily relaxes against her, hands on either side of her face so that when the kiss ends she can look at Kat directly. She looks refreshed, like she finally can catch her breath. She looks content.
Kat starts to move on top of her. Lily hesitantly moves against Kat's thigh. Kat nips at Lily's neck and Lily grinds harder against her, and this just spurs Kat on until she's rocking her hips. There's a disparity between her brain and her body and eventually she just buries her face in Lily's neck, choking out her breath into hair and dragging her thumb across Lily's nipple and -
The curl of Lily's fingers against her, the pressure there, the breathy moans as Kat moves against her. It's almost too much.
Kat can't decide whether she finds the look on Lily's face funny or amazingly sexy, lip caught between her teeth and brow knotted. It's so intense Kat kisses her and laughs at the same time, a hiccup against her lips. Lily's eyes open a fraction, heady and intoxicating and Kat chokes on a jesus christ.
They fall into a rhythm. The rapid beating of Lily's heart against her chest; breath coming out in pants; Lily, below her, looking and sounding like this. Kat doesn't know how long she'll be able to last.
"Is this..." Kat can barely breathe, face buried in Lily's neck, lips sloppy against porcelain skin, bruising. "Is this okay?"
"Kathryn." Lily's begging her.
Kat's palm moves down from Lily's tit, making sure to have every part of her touching Lily from the heel of her hand to the tips of her fingers until her knuckles bump against the inside of her thigh. Lily gasps and Kat lifts her head, forces her eyes open to look into Lily's. Fingers graze and Kat stops breathing when she feels how wet she is.
Her brain tries to do the numbers, tries to figure out how long this has been going on between them, how long Lily's gone without - "Jesus fuck, Lils."
Lily doesn't seem capable of words at this point, hand running through, pulling at, her hair and a noise of frustration, impatience, as she arches her hips up so that the heel of Kat's hand presses up against her.
Kat couldn't make her wait any longer even if she wanted to. And she definitely doesn't want her to wait.
She slides a finger inside her. Lily's mouth falls open. Oh.
Kat arches her wrist and starts moving her hand, lips pressing kisses along her stomach until she drags her tongue across Lily's nipple. This, this is when Lily starts to move against her hand, taking her further in. She shudders below her and all she can manage to say, hitched on a shaky breath: "Yes."
Kat can't help but kiss her, then. Can't help but say -
"I love you."
(This is when Lily comes.)
When the light fades outside, they fall asleep along with it. Their bodies tangle and Kat wakes to the feel of Lily's heartbeat against her cheek. It's faster than it should be, and she looks up to see Lily already awake, only barely. Through lidded eyes, Lily smiles at her.
"You alright?" Kat whispers, tries to prop herself up on her elbow to turn the light on, but Lily's hand rests perfectly on her cheek. She doesn't nod nor shake her head, she simply leans in and presses her lips to Kat's. The kiss is full, slow, patient; like she has all the time in the world.
"You know I love you too, right?."
Kat knows.
THE END
the thing about kat is, she makes promises to herself all the time that she knows she can't, won't, keep. this is one of those promises. lily loveless/kathryn prescott. 5475 words. (NC-17)
disclaimer: This story is lies, lies, lies. Complete fiction.
note: wow, this went and got porn-y on me. sorry about that. not.
(credit)
it's okay to say you've got a weak spot,
you don't always have to be on top
(i am not a robot, marina & the diamonds)
"So how long you and Lily been fucking?"
It's just her and Meg at the breakfast table. The clatter of Kat's spoon dropping against her bowl eventually breaks the silence. "I thought you said you weren't going to drink before lunch anymore."
(Even as she says it, she knows she can't smart her way out of this.)
Meg rolls her eyes, tilts her head and places a hand over hers. It's far too sisterly and caring for Kat's liking, and she quickly pulls away. "You love her, then."
Meg alternates between looking happy for her sister, then sad. All Kat sees is pity.
A movie premiere. Red lips and pale skin, the feel of fingertips at the small of her back and Kathryn is suddenly inundated with Lily.
"Hey, stranger." Blue, nothing but blue.
"Long time no see." This time it means something. This time, it's Lily's hair that's gotten longer - there's a wave in it, begging to curl around Kat's fingers. But there are flashes and people yelling over other people, a red carpet and shitty weather. This isn't the time.
It's never the time.
Her fingers glance forward anyways. She licks her lips.
First the interviews serve as mini-reunions, hugs and smiles in cramped spaces. Then, then it all just burns into one. It's more like a job than Kat had kidded herself into thinking it'd be. She ends up spending more time talking to people she doesn't know than her own friends. She tires of it quickly. The only thing (and it should be noted how reluctantly Kat accepts this fact) that redeems it -
Well, does it even need to be said?
(Lily holds the mic for her.)
Later - music is blaring and Meg's fucked off somewhere. It's all mingling now and Kat fucking hates mingling.
"Drink?" Lily's lips along her ear. Kat turns, sees the full pint. She shakes her head in lieu of answering and turns back to the crowd. Then - Lily's hand, fitting perfectly at the small of her back. "You alright?"
"Why wouldn't I be alright?" Kat mumbles.
"What?" Lily holds her ear out, even squints. "Can't hear you!"
"It's too loud in here, let's just...not talk."
Lily hands her pint to Lisa, who gladly takes it, and then entwines her fingers in Kat's and pulls her through the crowd, the exit sign dead ahead. They step into the back alley and Kat braces herself to be pushed against the cold brick, to be devoured -
But it never happens. Lily keeps a hold of her hand and when the door clicks shut behind them, she takes ahold of Kat's other one. "You alright?"
"You already asked me that."
"And I couldn't hear you in there, all that noise..." Lily's brow furrows and her eyes are searching. Kat feels the sudden urge to look away, to run away. "Now I'm thinking you actually aren't alright."
"Tired, is all."
Lily's face softens, but the concern remains etched into her eyes. "You can tell me, you know. Whatever it is."
Fight or flight. It kicks in, quick, and Kat's hands are shaking in Lily's, and her feet are taking her to the door, pulling her away from all this. "It's cold, I'm gonna - "
The door's locked. Of course it is. Kat lets out a sigh that's far too revealing.
"I'm sorry I never called."
It's inevitable, but it still manages to clench down on Kat's heart.
Don't do this, Lily. Kat squeezes her eyes shut, holds onto the handle of the door for dear life. She's shivering so bad it hurts and she's certain it isn't the cold behind it. "Yeah, well."
She feels Lily step closer behind her, feels the brief touch of her fingers on her shoulder before they're gone. Small steps. Everything for Lily has to be done in small steps.
"I thought maybe you'd call - "
"Don't," Kat shakes her head furiously, tears spilling out onto her cheeks. "Don't you fucking put this on me."
Lily's arms wrap around her, envelop her. Her face buries in Kat's neck and she holds her tight, and fuck it, if this is what stops the shivering. "I wish I could stop being so stupid."
"Me too."
Lily walks Kat back to her parents.
Kat makes tea and when she gets upstairs, she sees Lily through the crack in the door, sitting awkwardly at the foot of the bed, looking at the opposite wall adorned with pictures. Even when Kat finally steps inside, it takes Lily a second to tear her eyes away.
She smiles, says thanks in a voice no louder than a whisper.
After a minute of stirring, silverware scraping against porcelain, Kat finally just says it: "I can't do this anymore, Lily."
Lily doesn't look surprised, simply nods. After a minute, she looks up at Kat, tears in her eyes. "It's easy to start something first, get to know them over time, after you've already - you know. But this... I got to know you first and I ended up fucking liking you and liking hanging around with you."
"Like it's a bad thing," Kat whispers, watching her thumb trace along the rim of her tea until both Lily's hands reach out and cover hers. There's little left to do but look up. She still regrets it.
"If we... if we started something, something serious, and it didn't work out? I don't think I could stand it. I mean - even if there wasn't this, I'd still be terrified of after. After Skins, after... everything. I'm scared." She blinks tears, practically chokes out the words: "I'm always fucking scared."
After, too soon after -
"You can stay, if you'd like." Kat nods at the window, but doesn't look away from her. "It's cold outside. I've got a big bed."
Lily doesn't move for a moment, looking to seriously contemplate the suggestion. Finally, she sighs, and it sounds like it tears right through her. "It's not a good idea."
"Lily," Kat laughs to save herself from crying. "When was it ever a good idea?"
(It's not that either of them are exactly experienced, or expected to be. They just really should have planned for this better.)
There are more interviews. It's all in good fun.
They don't talk much when the cameras turn off.
Her 18th comes and goes. She gets a text from Lily, a card in the mail, and this is all she chooses to remember. The next day, it doesn't take Kat long: "I hate it here."
Meg doesn't look up from her book. "You're not my first choice for company, either."
"You know what I mean."
"Move out, then. You'll be doing it for uni anyways, right?" It sounds so logical, coming from Meg, and Kat can only shrug instead of actually agreeing with her out loud. "Better than sitting around complaining. What 'bout Lily?"
Kat had looked at her, eyes wide, shaking her head. "No! Why would...why - ?"
"Calm down, then." Meg looks worried for a moment, before settling into that special sisterly concern: "Just thought you'd like more convenient access to...whatever it is you lot get up to."
She cocks her eyebrow, corner of her mouth turning up, all briefly, before she returns to her book. Kat kicks her under the table.
Not that Kat didn't already know this, but: Jack needs to learn when to keep his fucking mouth shut.
Filming is soon. On the table, for every script there's a highlighter and two cups of coffee. Luke's knee hits the table repeatedly, while Meg doesn't even look up from her mobile when Jack walks in, last to arrive. He gets right to it, smacking Kat's arm as he slides in next to her. "There's a runner boy, yeah? Wants to see your fanny."
Kat immediately glances over at Lily, who's looking in any other direction but hers. She looks back to Jack, who's getting smacked by Kaya.
"Apologies. He wants to take you out for dinner, a movie, a long walk on the beach. Then he wants to see your fanny."
"Good to know you haven't let your manners slide over the break," Lily says with a laziness about her voice, not even looking up from her script.
It seems, though, with her words, an impenetrable silence falls over the table, and everything gets really quiet for a long minute after. Until, finally, Lily pushes away from the table and walks out of the room, mumbling something about needing a smoke.
Jack looks around at everyone. "Wot I say?
Outside -
"He's probably not even serious."
"And if he is?"
Kat wraps her arms around herself. "It might be nice, go out for a drink. Help get my mind off things. Can't become a nun, can I?"
At this, Lily smiles, but it falls quickly and she takes a deep drag of her fag like it'll do her better than air.
"I'm not doing it to hurt you. I just... I can't wait around, Lily."
"I know, I understand," she says, and Kat believes her.
(The thing about Kat is, she makes promises to herself all the time that she knows she can't, won't, keep. This is one of those promises.)
All the extras are dancing to music that isn't there, will be added later, and Lily is holding her and kissing her and giggling and it's all too much.
Lily always licks her lips after the director yells cut! and everyone starts to move around to restart positions and usually this is when the script reader will come up and refresh them on their lines, only they have no lines. Their job today - all day, if that's what it takes - is to make out on the staircase.
Kat should really be used to how ridiculous this all is by now. She really should.
(Later, in the dressing room:
"What flavor is that?" Lily will ask as Kat twists back on the cap of her lip gloss.
"S-Strawberry."
"Hmm." Kat sees Lily in the mirror, licking her lips. "I like strawberry.")
Back to London for a few days and it's silly, but Kat makes sure to go through Wood Green. She doesn't even care when Megan rolls her eyes so hard they look to nearly fall out. She looks down the road, sees a sliver of the entrance, a glance of Mountview.
Everything about this is silly.
The date doesn't go over too well. He's nice enough, even quite cute, but there's something lacking in the entire evening. Kat has to force herself to hold interest in what he's saying, has to not squirm awkwardly when his hand briefly touches hers. It's an entirely uncomfortable dance that lasts far too long, and she can't get out of the pub fast enough.
Of course, she'll text Meg (after scrolling down to Lily, then deciding against it) and her next destination turns out to be yet another pub. And what Meg doesn't tell her about this pub is that Lily's there too. Kat lies to herself that she'll have a word with Meg later about this, convinces herself she's angry at this coincidence. She does this so she'll stay, so she'll approach the bar.
Lily looks surprised - happy - to see her. "Hey, I thought - "
"Not even," Kat mutters, sliding onto the stool next to her and grabbing her half-full pint, finishing it off. "Mind?"
There's a hesitation behind Lily's smile, like she knows this is dangerous grounds. She nods anyways. "Not at all."
"Why d'you hafta be such a prat?" Kat slurs as they stumble down the road towards Lily's. She trips, nearly falls, but Lily catches her, slings an arm around her neck to give her stability.
"It's quite frustrating, isn't it?"
"You have no idea. Why can't it be simple? It's easy, that's why it's called simple. I like you, you like me. Simple."
Kat trips into a pothole, nearly takes Lily down with her. The blonde sighs, distracted. "Things'll get fucked up, Kitty Kat."
"Isn't it already? I can't fucking think without you popping up. Can't work, can't eat breakfast, can't take a bloody shower."
"Thinking about me in the shower, are you?"
"Oh, piss off."
Lily stops walking, keeps a hold of Kat, turns her so that their facing one another. "I think about you all the time, too. I'm just - "
"Scared. Always fucking scared. What're you scared of? It's me, not Meg."
Lily snorts. "I'll give you that."
"And this - " Kat places her hands on either of Lily's shoulders, pushes her against the wall and holds her there, bodies touching at every fathomable inch and their lips only a breath apart. "What's so scary about this?"
"Everything." Lily's trembling. "Everything."
"You never let me..." Kat kisses along the line of Lily's jaw, pushing her hips against Lily's, an intake of breath sharp in her ear. "Let me."
"Kathryn," Lily breathes, pleads. "Not here."
She pushes away from the wall, gets back to walking, hand finding and never letting go of Kat's. After a minute: "I can't quite figure you out, Kat."
"Feeling's mutual."
Lily's flat, her boots kicked off, the hall light on and Kat's pushing Lily against the wall, fumbling with her belt.
"Hey." Lily's hands on either side of her face, just looking into Kat's eyes. It's silly and she's not quite sure why or how, but it soothes Kat, it slows everything down. "I'm gonna get you to bed, alright?"
"M'not drunk," Kat explains quickly, seeing the concern on Lily's face just before her eyes lose focus. "Just a bit...buzzed."
"Of course." She hands Kat a glass of water. "Here, since you're sober, why don't you grab this and take it to my room, alright? I just need to lock up."
Rest assured, Kat spills half of it before she even gets to the bed. She nearly dozes off sitting up, and when she slips off the edge of the mattress, Lily's there to catch her. She hoists her back up, swings her legs over and starts pulling at the sheets to cover her.
It's all so bloody sweet, and Kat can barely see it through the tears in her eyes.
"Hey." Lily's lips between her eyes, comforting. "Get some sleep."
Kat snatches at Lily's wrist when she starts to move away. Her thumb strokes the pulse she finds there. "You'll stay with me?"
"I'm just gonna crash on the couch. S'no big deal."
"It is a big deal. This...your bed." Kat fights to keep her eyes open. "Stay, please."
Just as slumber takes over, edges fading into sleep, Kat can hear Lily whisper: "Okay."
Sunday dawn pours through the window when Kat wakes, face buried in Lily's hair. There's the smell of smoke from the pub, and strawberry shampoo and Kat breathes it in. Reluctantly, she lifts her head up to see what time it is, winces at what the clock reads and sees that Lily's legs are still hanging over the edge of the bed, passed out exactly where she was sitting the night before.
Her smile stretches big, from ear to ear.
Lily stirs, rolls over, hair golden in the morning light, a streak of smeared mascara at the corner of her eye and her lips waking into a tired smile. She's never looked more beautiful.
"Hey."
Her hand lifts and Kat can feel her fingers even before they touch her cheek. It's soft, so soft it almost hurts.
(They fall back asleep, Kat's head resting in the crook of Lily's neck, Lily's hand framing Kat's cheek, their legs tangled.)
Minutes from noon, Kat is again the first to wake. Ignoring her cotton mouth and the tinge of a headache behind her eyes, she props herself up on an elbow and looks down at Lily, brushes the hair out of her eyes. She reaches over her to grab the remote at the edge of the table. As she does, she feels Lily groan before she hears her. She looks down and sees Lily on the verge of laughing, face practically buried in Kat's cleavage. All Kat can do is laugh as well.
"You really are a perv, Kitty Kat."
Kat smacks at her, rolls back onto her side. After a minute, she smiles to herself. "Kitty Kat. I like when you call me that."
"Yeah? I'll have to remember that."
"Is it...?" She holds up the remote an Lily nods. Kat turns the telly on, flipping through the channels. Eventually, she lands on an old cartoon and leaves it for the color and noise. Her hand drops to warmth of Lily's thigh like it belongs there. She can feel Lily relax underneath her. "Alright?"
She can see Lily nod in the corner of her sight. After a few minutes of watching the cartoons in silence, she turns just in time to see Lily looking away, caught staring. Kat smiles. Lily fights one herself, blushing furiously.
"Breakfast?" Kat offers.
Lily's mouth opens around the word yeah but it never quite comes out.
"You don't have to - "
"It's the least I can do." Kat squints against the light pouring in through the window. When she turns back to the stove, she can hear the shades moving, can see the light dimming as Lily closes the blinds. She smiles to herself at this. "I know I'm no picnic when I'm pissed."
"You were alright," Lily says after a minute, sounding distracted.
Tea kettle on the stove, Kat grabs a box of cereal from above the fridge and starts her search for some bowls. She finds them quickly, and soon, she's sliding two full bowls across the counter, spoons in hand. She sits on the stool next to Lily, looks from the bowl to Lily, back to the bowl, before shrugging. "It's no breakfast at the Ritz -"
"It's great," Lily nudges Kat's shoulder with her own. "Exactly what I'm in the mood for."
"Good, because I'm a shit cook."
Lily nods, not even trying to keep a straight face. "You probably are."
"I'd like to see you try and cook a three-course meal all by your lonesome!"
"Oh, I can."
"All proper and graceful? A young, blonde Julia Child, perhaps?"
"I prefer Jamie Oliver." Lily smirks behind her spoon. "Naked Chef has a nice ring to it."
"You'd go there, of course. You know I'm going to hold you to that, right?"
"What, the cooking part? Or the cooking naked part?"
"Which one has a nicer ring to it?"
"Got me there."
The tea kettle whines, beckons Kat back into the kitchen. She slides off the stool and touches a hand to Lily's back. "Want anything else?"
Lily shakes her head and Kat heads around the counter. She isn't familiar with Lily's kitchen, but finds it easy to figure out where everything is after a moment. She finds porcelain, fingers tracing the old-fashioned pattern adorning them, thinks maybe they were Lily's mothers, grandmothers, handed down through generations.
She's pouring the water when, out of nowhere:
"Stay here with me."
She turns and sees Lily sitting straight, hands fidgeting on the countertop, eyes glassy. She's rapt, waiting for Kat's answer. She's never looked more nervous.
And all Kat can manage is: "What?"
"Stay here with me, Kathryn."
Her full name, the way it punctuates itself and holds so much more meaning than it should. "You feeling impulsive, or what?"
"I don't like when you're not around. Haven't ever. And seeing you... you look good in this kitchen." Lily looks away, bites her lip, blushes. The words carry too much emotion, too much weight, and she looks to realize this, clearing her throat and throwing in a shrug for good measure. "All...domestic."
She knows there are reasons, legitimate excuses, but she comes up speechless, and ends with nothing more than a sigh.
"Kathryn..."
Stop. Don't say my name, not like that, Kat wants to say, but doesn't. Can't.
"You can stay here whenever we're back. You said you can't stand living with your parents anymore. You said you liked the neighborhood. You said you missed me and..." Lily's voice cracks and this is what does Kat in: "I miss you, too."
Kat's throat tightens, and she fights a losing battle trying to get rid of the lump there, no strength in her voice at all: "Why - ?"
"Why not?" Lily cuts her off, stepping forward. She seems to catch herself, stops, takes a step back. Her hands take to fidgeting with her blouse again. Her smile is nervous, but genuine. "I'd like having company."
"There're ads for that."
"I'd like you as company."
"Lily, what're you doing? What...what is this?"
"This is me being brave." She reluctantly shrugs. "Well, alright, I'll never be brave, but I don't care anymore. I want this. I want...you. I want us."
Kat walks across the room to her, and the lack of space between them sends Lily's body into a shudder. Kat holds her. "This isn't - you have to see why I'm so - "
"All I know is that I want to wake up next to you. I want to watch cartoons with you. Want to see you messing about in the kitchen in nothing but your knickers." Lily's hands on either side of Kat's face, delicate. "It'd be an added bonus waking up with my face between your tits, too."
Kat snorts, but Lily just smiles bigger, kissing the tip of her nose. "Fucking hell, Lils."
"My heart." Lily grabs Kat's hand and places it on her chest, where her heart is beating furiously.
Without a thought, Kat dips her head down and kisses between her fingers, kisses Lily's heart. A whisper: "Are you scared?"
"Yes," Lily answers, no hesitation. She's never sounded so sure. "And I couldn't be happier."
Kat kisses her, fingers curling around the inside of her wrists as she frames her face again. It's languid, like they have all the time in the world. But -
"We leave for Bristol tomorrow." Her forehead rests against Lily's, eyes still shut, trying to memorize this moment. If this is a dream, she wants to remember every second of it. Lily just keeps holding onto her. "I can't wait a week."
"For what?" Lily's voice might very well tremble with curiosity, anticipation.
(And Kat might very well be proud of this fact.)
Kat goes out for a bit, mum's the word, and when she returns with an armful of groceries, the look on Lily's face is worth it. Then, she sees the script on the counter. She can't fight her own curiosity.
They read it together, curled up on the couch.
I was scared.
You're always scared.
Kat drops the script into her lap, runs her hands through her hair. "Wow."
"Yeah," Lily's shaking her head, eyes like glass. Her hand on Kat's. A squeeze. "Naomi's a bit of a fucking prat, isn't she?"
They look at each other. Kat looks into Lily's eyes and she knows, without a doubt... "Just a bit."
They get well into cooking by the time the sun sets, the warm color of the day's end being the only light as they move about in the kitchen. It's small, but in a way Kat appreciates: it's intimate. It also gives her an excuse to rub up against Lily.
"Hand me the garlic?" Lily asks, licking spice from her thumb. Kat holds it out, and just as she reaches for it, she pulls her hand back and scoops in for a kiss. Lily smiles against her mouth. "Clever."
Kat breaks the kiss, purposely early, and walks over to the stove, making sure to her let her fingers trail along the brief skin between Lily's shorts and top. "Let me do it. How much?"
The way Lily looks at her then, Kat knows it isn't the stove nor the warm evening air that suddenly makes everything go hot. It's all Kat can do not to kiss her again.
"Here..." Lily's hand on hers, holding it over the pot and shaking it with her. "See?"
"Mhmm," Kat hums. She leans in so that her lips graze along Lily's jaw and whispers: "You did that just to get close to me."
She can feel Lily's grin against her cheek. "Lies. I simply feel invested in your culinary improvement."
"You're so noble." Kat grabs a hold of Lily's hips and spins her around, presses their bodies together so she's against the counter. She lets out a noise of surprise, and her smile is battling with the nervousness in her eyes.
"Kathryn..."
"You are a good cook, you know. The only thing..."
"What?"
Kat grins in the low light, a bolt of confidence in how on edge she has Lily waiting for the answer. She leans in to whisper in her ear: "You still have your clothes on."
Lily throws her head back, laughs. Her hands tangle in Kat's hair. "Kathryn Prescott, are you trying to seduce me?"
She nods, doesn't wait for Lily to smile back, come up with another quip. She wraps her arms around her and she kisses her. Lily gasps against her mouth, fingers digging into Kat's arm.
The water bubbles over the pot onto the stove, sizzling in the heat and steam rising quick and thick. Kat jumps over, turns the handle to OFF, but not quickly enough, boiling water dripping down to her finger and burning her.
"Fucking - !"
Lily's already got the faucet running for her. She dips her finger under the stream of cool water, hissing at the sting. Kat sighs, "I guess we'll have to start that pot over."
Lily's hand reaches out, covers Kat's under the stream of water. She gently brings Kat's hand to her mouth, presses a kiss to the redness of her finger.
Kat has to remind herself how to breathe.
"I'm not too hungry, actually."
(They don't make it to the bedroom.)
Stumbling blindly into the living room, Lily's foot catches on the couch leg and she falls backwards, Kat only barely catching her. On the floor, Kat fists the carpet on either side of Lily, to give her hands something to do while she tries to slow this down.
But then - Lily snags Kat's bottom lip between her teeth and there's a whimper and Kat should deserve a medal for not tearing every fathomable piece of clothing off of her right here and now.
It's an odd contradiction, kissing Lily now. It carries a familiarity - there's a before, there's a past between them - and yet there's also a freshness. It feels new. Maybe because this time, for once, it's her kissing Lily, it's her on top. It's Kat in control, Lily abandoning herself entirely to her.
Lily's fingers are trembling when they snag at Kat's top, shaking against cotton and then skin and cool air mixes with a warm sigh into the concave of her neck, thumbs digging into the ridges of her hips and this, this is what Kathryn might call perfection. She bucks, but it's Lily that moans out:
"Fucking - God - !"
"I prefer it when you call me Kitty Kat, actually." There's a smirk, criminal. They kiss again, hard at first, like before, until it slows into intimacy. Kat's hands frame Lily's face as she presses a kiss to every part of her mouth. "You could call me fucking Beetejuice and I'd still get off on it..."
Nails dig into her back, shoulders. Lily's hips buck up and the friction is teasing. "Fuck, Kat."
Kat slips her hand up Lily's shirt, bunching the fabric until fingers ghost along the underside of her breast. There's a string of swears from both of them, Kathryn yanking Lily's shirt off while Lily takes to unbuckling Kat's belt. When everything is ripped off (a few tears, certainly) Kathryn braces arms on either side of Lily, shifts her body until she fits between Lily's legs. She does this and looks at Lily, and Lily looks back. Everything stops and she pauses, obviously taking a moment to memorize this moment. When she pushes against Lily, their eyes are locked.
Kat's the first to moan, dipping down and kissing at the hollow of Lily's throat, running her tongue along the sensitive skin there, across her pulse, behind her ear, snagging her earlobe between her teeth. She's sure Lily will leave marks in her back. She wants her to.
"Kath - Kathryn..." Lily gasps in her ear, holding onto her for dear life.
Sitting up, Kat slings a leg over Lily's so that she sits, fitting perfectly against Lily. She settles into it, into the feeling of skin against skin, the feel of Lily below her. Her hand splays flat across Lily's stomach, feels the sharp rise and fall and she immediately leans forward and kisses her, this time softer, patient.
Lily relaxes against her, hands on either side of her face so that when the kiss ends she can look at Kat directly. She looks refreshed, like she finally can catch her breath. She looks content.
Kat starts to move on top of her. Lily hesitantly moves against Kat's thigh. Kat nips at Lily's neck and Lily grinds harder against her, and this just spurs Kat on until she's rocking her hips. There's a disparity between her brain and her body and eventually she just buries her face in Lily's neck, choking out her breath into hair and dragging her thumb across Lily's nipple and -
The curl of Lily's fingers against her, the pressure there, the breathy moans as Kat moves against her. It's almost too much.
Kat can't decide whether she finds the look on Lily's face funny or amazingly sexy, lip caught between her teeth and brow knotted. It's so intense Kat kisses her and laughs at the same time, a hiccup against her lips. Lily's eyes open a fraction, heady and intoxicating and Kat chokes on a jesus christ.
They fall into a rhythm. The rapid beating of Lily's heart against her chest; breath coming out in pants; Lily, below her, looking and sounding like this. Kat doesn't know how long she'll be able to last.
"Is this..." Kat can barely breathe, face buried in Lily's neck, lips sloppy against porcelain skin, bruising. "Is this okay?"
"Kathryn." Lily's begging her.
Kat's palm moves down from Lily's tit, making sure to have every part of her touching Lily from the heel of her hand to the tips of her fingers until her knuckles bump against the inside of her thigh. Lily gasps and Kat lifts her head, forces her eyes open to look into Lily's. Fingers graze and Kat stops breathing when she feels how wet she is.
Her brain tries to do the numbers, tries to figure out how long this has been going on between them, how long Lily's gone without - "Jesus fuck, Lils."
Lily doesn't seem capable of words at this point, hand running through, pulling at, her hair and a noise of frustration, impatience, as she arches her hips up so that the heel of Kat's hand presses up against her.
Kat couldn't make her wait any longer even if she wanted to. And she definitely doesn't want her to wait.
She slides a finger inside her. Lily's mouth falls open. Oh.
Kat arches her wrist and starts moving her hand, lips pressing kisses along her stomach until she drags her tongue across Lily's nipple. This, this is when Lily starts to move against her hand, taking her further in. She shudders below her and all she can manage to say, hitched on a shaky breath: "Yes."
Kat can't help but kiss her, then. Can't help but say -
"I love you."
(This is when Lily comes.)
When the light fades outside, they fall asleep along with it. Their bodies tangle and Kat wakes to the feel of Lily's heartbeat against her cheek. It's faster than it should be, and she looks up to see Lily already awake, only barely. Through lidded eyes, Lily smiles at her.
"You alright?" Kat whispers, tries to prop herself up on her elbow to turn the light on, but Lily's hand rests perfectly on her cheek. She doesn't nod nor shake her head, she simply leans in and presses her lips to Kat's. The kiss is full, slow, patient; like she has all the time in the world.
"You know I love you too, right?."
Kat knows.
THE END