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mk, lets start it out from uhhm last day in last week i can memba...friday. mk. well friday was a rally schedule...soweeet. so yup, rally was aight slideshow was pretty coo now since you can actually recognize ppl you know or share classes w/ you. i sat at the very corner of the left hand bleachers. amanda, alex, beau eggghkk, richard, and chris sat around as well it was coo. during the whole rally alex, amanda and i just kept making fun of the singing and dancing, and discussing how fruity our class was and mentioned the word gay a millionbagijjion times in a good way though. as me and alex where leaving the gym we were walking back in btwn the minigyme and the gym, and we were like "{der der derrrr]" like making fun of each othr and all of a sudden i trip during one of my derrrs it was hilarious like total dumbass status right there. hahah. then afterschool on the bus was nice too, richard sat by me, and well besides the fact that hes supperbly cute, hes a really nice person, as well as talkative. that was cute ;). i had plans to have thai with ali b. heather, and kelsey, but the place was closed until 430 poo. so we went to tommy salsas which fyi is hecka good for going my first time. i got home changed, and got ready for my cousins grad. only me and my mum went as well as my uncle cuzm family probs fucking lame. w/e she was so proud, and crying and well it was supersweet. i was gonna hang out w/ alex but i got home round 9 and she couldnt really hang out anyways. sat came around and i woke up at the staggering 115pm i swear i catch up on all my belated sleep egghk. after cleaning my casa i went to alex's we hellzzza spark*d it yo' and got all artsy so we worked on our shttt. we went to go see over the hedge w/ my bro and cousin. adn im pretty sure my brother could tell i was high=SUPER BADDDD THING. my ass was sooo on the line,and shit it still is. the movie was alright. not 10bux worth but i still liked it especially the turtle he was cute. reminded me of me. not the cute part but persona wise. sunday my sissys came and i woke up half stoned. like well just about everyfucking weekend. we had bf. i showered and we headed to the mall. we spark*d it on the way over there. i didnt like the fact taht i was high adn looking around in the juniors dept. bc i get all concious and am all like uhh that wont fit. neither would that, do they have it in a bigger size. its just too much of an uneeded hassle.
on the way over there i told them about the "shes intimidated" by me shit. and ana was like. "tats bullshit, and you know wut true friends dont do this to you. and you get to pick your friends." which is totally true. i told her about doubting about even going to the party now. and shes like " dont even give her the benefit" i told her. " and ye know wut. i know if kiki were here she would never. NEVER fuckin do this to me. i dont even have to think it, not even second guess it.bc i know she wouldnt" and its the total fucking truth. i told 'em about the coke ex. and how she fucking called me up the night after and pleaded to talk about it, and how it was a stupid fight and how it shouldnt ruin our friendship.Now boys and girls wut i cant understand is how a fight over coke, led to a day after call, apology w/e yet 2 discussions involving the same issue, and how my sacrifice of hapiness in order for someone else to fullfill theirs and have no acknoledgemnt of my feelings takes wut? 2 months plus and counting until she doesnt feel wut? intimidated by me=bullshit. thats all i gotta say. its total bullshit. i dont regret any of the words i say. i just look down on myself for feeling like shit this long. when really all it took was hearing it from the people that DO care, and taht know me better than i know myself. so fuck it. i shouldnt feel like shit. i never should. ive noticed if i were to talk to my sisters, or even ask myslf how have you been, how is everythinng. i couldnt help but say. shitty. everything has been really bad, and i honest to bejebus feel depressed. and i have for not one month, for not two, but for fucking three. and over what? over being a good friend,and allowing someones happiness come before mine. and that my friends is FUCKED. that my friends is a big fuckin foul on me. why>? bc one fo my first rules in life is, you have to be happy, and love yourself before you can make any one happy or love anyone else. and i admitted it. i admitted someones happiness come before mine bc i liked the fact that she felt good not only about herself, but spread that love onto someone else, and i knew it would hurt, but i didnt want to act selfish. so in the end i have only hurt myself, and that is true. i have gotten that equation right. bc in the end its down to you. in the fucking end its you who hurts yourself the worst. and you got no one else to blame but your own downward spiral you have put upon yourself.
My bestest fuckin friend in the world. if not my adopted sister is coming in like 4 days. more like within the 16-24th i will be able to see her. this makes me sooooooooo fucking happy. i really cant wait to see her. just imagine a person. a wonderfull fucking person who has gone through hell and back, and hey for kicks another trip down there, imagine that person to be someone whos been there to see your best and your worst... who you got caught by a police officer smoking pot. who went to smoke cigs with you behind the softball field, and you have the best inside jokes, bc they mean the most to you and that person. imagine a person who knows you better than you know yourself, who has done shit in their lives that has the biggest impact in your life, bc it hurts you as much as it does them, a person who is the most giving and would do anything for you, as you would them. imagine a person who has never felt genuine love from their mother, and considers the only family they got you,and a couple other people who dont share blood types with her. imagine that person, that one person, who you havent seen in a year and 2months, a person who was a cutter, a person who went through depression, a person who did coke,and meth, a person who drank, a person that in your heart is a fuckign spitting image of yourself only stronger. if you can even grasp that petite description of that person, well that fuckin person means the world to me. that fuckin person is family to me. and no one fuckin screws with my family. bc family is forever and backstabbign cunts dont last more than a couple of months until theyve got 2 balls and a dick down their throat pleading for more. cuz i guess suffocation among lovers is stronger than true family values.
on the way over there i told them about the "shes intimidated" by me shit. and ana was like. "tats bullshit, and you know wut true friends dont do this to you. and you get to pick your friends." which is totally true. i told her about doubting about even going to the party now. and shes like " dont even give her the benefit" i told her. " and ye know wut. i know if kiki were here she would never. NEVER fuckin do this to me. i dont even have to think it, not even second guess it.bc i know she wouldnt" and its the total fucking truth. i told 'em about the coke ex. and how she fucking called me up the night after and pleaded to talk about it, and how it was a stupid fight and how it shouldnt ruin our friendship.Now boys and girls wut i cant understand is how a fight over coke, led to a day after call, apology w/e yet 2 discussions involving the same issue, and how my sacrifice of hapiness in order for someone else to fullfill theirs and have no acknoledgemnt of my feelings takes wut? 2 months plus and counting until she doesnt feel wut? intimidated by me=bullshit. thats all i gotta say. its total bullshit. i dont regret any of the words i say. i just look down on myself for feeling like shit this long. when really all it took was hearing it from the people that DO care, and taht know me better than i know myself. so fuck it. i shouldnt feel like shit. i never should. ive noticed if i were to talk to my sisters, or even ask myslf how have you been, how is everythinng. i couldnt help but say. shitty. everything has been really bad, and i honest to bejebus feel depressed. and i have for not one month, for not two, but for fucking three. and over what? over being a good friend,and allowing someones happiness come before mine. and that my friends is FUCKED. that my friends is a big fuckin foul on me. why>? bc one fo my first rules in life is, you have to be happy, and love yourself before you can make any one happy or love anyone else. and i admitted it. i admitted someones happiness come before mine bc i liked the fact that she felt good not only about herself, but spread that love onto someone else, and i knew it would hurt, but i didnt want to act selfish. so in the end i have only hurt myself, and that is true. i have gotten that equation right. bc in the end its down to you. in the fucking end its you who hurts yourself the worst. and you got no one else to blame but your own downward spiral you have put upon yourself.
My bestest fuckin friend in the world. if not my adopted sister is coming in like 4 days. more like within the 16-24th i will be able to see her. this makes me sooooooooo fucking happy. i really cant wait to see her. just imagine a person. a wonderfull fucking person who has gone through hell and back, and hey for kicks another trip down there, imagine that person to be someone whos been there to see your best and your worst... who you got caught by a police officer smoking pot. who went to smoke cigs with you behind the softball field, and you have the best inside jokes, bc they mean the most to you and that person. imagine a person who knows you better than you know yourself, who has done shit in their lives that has the biggest impact in your life, bc it hurts you as much as it does them, a person who is the most giving and would do anything for you, as you would them. imagine a person who has never felt genuine love from their mother, and considers the only family they got you,and a couple other people who dont share blood types with her. imagine that person, that one person, who you havent seen in a year and 2months, a person who was a cutter, a person who went through depression, a person who did coke,and meth, a person who drank, a person that in your heart is a fuckign spitting image of yourself only stronger. if you can even grasp that petite description of that person, well that fuckin person means the world to me. that fuckin person is family to me. and no one fuckin screws with my family. bc family is forever and backstabbign cunts dont last more than a couple of months until theyve got 2 balls and a dick down their throat pleading for more. cuz i guess suffocation among lovers is stronger than true family values.