dreams of steel wither down on my reality.
hardy har har...mofos. its friday. im getting sleeepy.ive got 6cigs in my bag ready for me to smoke...only...ill have to pop my window out.w/ev.so this past week went by a bit slow...i hate it, i love having break tho, it gives me time.thats it. thats all i want outta life along w/ love and happiness. that and my life is complete. im semi 1/3rd of the way there. so i guess it wont be until my effin 30's when i acutally find love..or heyy how bout never?...then when im in my 60's ill get wut time...enough time to take a shit and have someone wipe my ass for me, and later have enough time to nibble on my dinner w/ my false teeth, and be yelling profanities to the medics...i can see it now..."GIVE ME MY DRUGS U MOTHER FUCKERS...GIVE ME MY DRUGS!!!!...but in kelly and my case, were gonna be askin for a cannabis card, and if they dont give us one the following is gonna occur..."U MOTHERFUCKERS GIMMIE A CANNABIS CARD OR ILL TAKE A SHIT ON YOUR LAWN..."...takes shit while holding onto walker...muahahha. so lets see. i had an anxiety attack in front of my parents...well sorta. i was begining to have a breakdown at first and then went to my room and as usual cried my eyes out and couldnt help but freak out like usual over wut?...a fuckin I search report based on my future job...pastry chef...yup. i freaked out cuz i took it seriously..sorta.the letter part was to a pastry chef, and i began talking about myself and how i wanted to be one myself and i felt overwhelmed or stressed idk..but even now when i begin thinking of my future and all this school shit its like..I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT.i really dont sometimes. like i looove to think of my future in the sense of growing up and beign even more indep. but the steps taht take me tehre, or even teh mere doubt of me even making it trips but most of all scares me. ive had soo many talks w/ alex about this and i think par tof it is cuz i grew up so quickly. not so quickly,but enough for me to even notice it, and feel it has affected me when it comes to wanting to grow up....im soo damm lethargic right now that this shit isnt even making sense to me right now so immagonna stop right here for now and ill update some more tomorrow...nighty....