Facing Ugly Truths
Today, the National Public Radio program "All Things Considered" had a very interesting and enlightening segment about a discovery that autism seems to be rooted in abnormalities in the portion of the brain that on one side governs memory and the other governs reaction to specific emotions...namely fear and anticipation.
The more I heard, the more I was convinced that I do in fact have autism. Whether this is Asperger's Syndrome or something else, I don't know as yet. But still...
1) I was born premature.
2) I come from an area of the country that at the time of my birth and childhood was notorious for the level of pollution in the environment, and lived in older houses where I could have been exposed to substances that altered my development. For a while I thought that some of my problems could be linked to mercury poisoning...and I still suspect there is a little truth to it now.
3) In childhood I had frequent difficulty handling my own emotions. kevissimo can readily attest to that.
4) I have problems with affixing names to faces/people. It's gotten me into trouble at work and at social functions.
5) I've suffered various phobias. These were more pronounced in childhood, of course.
6) I was diagnosed with hyperactivity disorder by early grade school age and prescribed amphetamines for a while. And my dependency on caffeine has been detailed elsewhere in my blog.
7) I won't get into my emotional and social difficulties in my adolescence/teenage years, but they were there.
So I'm at the ultimate dilemma...get a formal diagnosis and attempt to claim disability status, or continue to struggle with myself in silence and find a round hole that can fit my square peg?
Both ways are hard. Both ways carry a shame that I'll have to live with for the rest of my life. I hate the choice. But pretty soon, I have to make it.
FP
The more I heard, the more I was convinced that I do in fact have autism. Whether this is Asperger's Syndrome or something else, I don't know as yet. But still...
1) I was born premature.
2) I come from an area of the country that at the time of my birth and childhood was notorious for the level of pollution in the environment, and lived in older houses where I could have been exposed to substances that altered my development. For a while I thought that some of my problems could be linked to mercury poisoning...and I still suspect there is a little truth to it now.
3) In childhood I had frequent difficulty handling my own emotions. kevissimo can readily attest to that.
4) I have problems with affixing names to faces/people. It's gotten me into trouble at work and at social functions.
5) I've suffered various phobias. These were more pronounced in childhood, of course.
6) I was diagnosed with hyperactivity disorder by early grade school age and prescribed amphetamines for a while. And my dependency on caffeine has been detailed elsewhere in my blog.
7) I won't get into my emotional and social difficulties in my adolescence/teenage years, but they were there.
So I'm at the ultimate dilemma...get a formal diagnosis and attempt to claim disability status, or continue to struggle with myself in silence and find a round hole that can fit my square peg?
Both ways are hard. Both ways carry a shame that I'll have to live with for the rest of my life. I hate the choice. But pretty soon, I have to make it.
FP