(no subject)
Why do I care so much what he does in his spare time, or to relax? Just because I don't agree with some of the methods... what gives me the right? Perhaps it's my deeply ingrained sense of protectiveness coming out again. I know he's more than big enough to look after himself, but the knowledge that he's putting that shite into his body hurts me. I mean really hurts me, not only emotionally but makes me feel sick to the stomach. Surely he can respect himself more than this.
Once he would cringe at the thought of telling me that he'd shared one cigarette with a mate at a party, but now it happens every week after work, and not just one. I know there are a lot more stresses on him now, juggling uni and work, not to mention a neurotic girlfriend, but there's always a better way! He knows it's bad for him, he knows it upsets me, but it keeps happening. He says he feels guilty, but I don't want him to feel guilt or to pressure him to change... I just want him to understand. I hope I can talk to him about it this week a bit without sounding like his mother. I'm sure it bugs him that I act this way and I wish I could just let it go.
Bec reckons that it affects me so because I unconsciously feed off the negative energy it produces in him, being so close and all. It makes sense, but even if you put all the hippy stuff aside, sometimes I think I'm being somewhat anally retentive about the whole thing. I just don't know how to deal with this... and why is it affecting me more than usual now? All the extra hormones running around my body? True, they're making me more quick to snap at people and that in itself makes me feel guilty... goddamn it, I just don't know!!
Bugger it, aside from this niggling irritation and hurt, I have great weekends with him and I refuse to let it taint the good times and the good talks. Love him so damn much. *rueful smile*
*end pointless and emotionally flustered rant*
Once he would cringe at the thought of telling me that he'd shared one cigarette with a mate at a party, but now it happens every week after work, and not just one. I know there are a lot more stresses on him now, juggling uni and work, not to mention a neurotic girlfriend, but there's always a better way! He knows it's bad for him, he knows it upsets me, but it keeps happening. He says he feels guilty, but I don't want him to feel guilt or to pressure him to change... I just want him to understand. I hope I can talk to him about it this week a bit without sounding like his mother. I'm sure it bugs him that I act this way and I wish I could just let it go.
Bec reckons that it affects me so because I unconsciously feed off the negative energy it produces in him, being so close and all. It makes sense, but even if you put all the hippy stuff aside, sometimes I think I'm being somewhat anally retentive about the whole thing. I just don't know how to deal with this... and why is it affecting me more than usual now? All the extra hormones running around my body? True, they're making me more quick to snap at people and that in itself makes me feel guilty... goddamn it, I just don't know!!
Bugger it, aside from this niggling irritation and hurt, I have great weekends with him and I refuse to let it taint the good times and the good talks. Love him so damn much. *rueful smile*
*end pointless and emotionally flustered rant*