has nothing changed since last year?
It has been many months since i last updated here... and to me it seems like nothing has changed.
today was just one of those freaking days! Everything was going wrong. I could feel the electricity in the air from the incoming storm, but it wasn't like the electrical storm was happening. But everything was going haywire!
My computer was turning off and on. The website i was working on basically crashed and i FLIPPED OUT, especially since it is my job to keep this site updated. And i cant say i like this job to begin with. So here i am again, in a job i hate, working my ass off for little pay and alot of pain. Blah blah blah. HAHA.
Its just been a hell of a couple months... to tell you the truth, it has all been a big fat blur. I remember Christmas... and i remember moving back in with my rents to save money this march... and that is about it. lol.
All i know, is that I'm frustrated as hell. I really wanna have time... but i seem to always find distractions... now some are good. Like Dance, i love being back in the routine of dance.. even if it is only about 2 days a week. But as soon as I'm home, I'm grumpy again.
Its probably because besides really wanting to get some writing finished (and *fingers crossed* published) i also have had an urge to choreograph dances. And really that is not a sudden whim. I have been choreographing bits to music in my head all of time, but i figured it was one of those things that i would never do... i mean how could i, right?
But ever since I've been dancing at NSD, a dance school that a friend of mine owns and runs... i suddenly feel that i have a chance...and i WOULD LOVE TO! but at the same time, i don't know if she feels like she could hire me... for one good reason or another. I mean she has said nothing to me, and I'm sure she has plenty of choices for a dance instructor. I keep trying to let her know that i want the job... but i dunno. I mean i haven't had a good feeling about it. I just feel frustrated, and i figure that it's not going to happen. Which of course makes me feel down and lethargic and whatnot. I'll still dance, nothing will stop me there, but i just would love to work with these kids!
I guess I'm just tired of running in circles. I am really hoping that I can take some time to myself and really do what i need to, since i am "saving money" at home. Actually feel like i'm getting something accomplished or doing something that i really want to. It is kinda tough seeing my 25th birthday looming ahead, and knowing that others have made it so much farther by now.
Yeah yeah, don't compare yourself to others... but still I feel so far behind...
today was just one of those freaking days! Everything was going wrong. I could feel the electricity in the air from the incoming storm, but it wasn't like the electrical storm was happening. But everything was going haywire!
My computer was turning off and on. The website i was working on basically crashed and i FLIPPED OUT, especially since it is my job to keep this site updated. And i cant say i like this job to begin with. So here i am again, in a job i hate, working my ass off for little pay and alot of pain. Blah blah blah. HAHA.
Its just been a hell of a couple months... to tell you the truth, it has all been a big fat blur. I remember Christmas... and i remember moving back in with my rents to save money this march... and that is about it. lol.
All i know, is that I'm frustrated as hell. I really wanna have time... but i seem to always find distractions... now some are good. Like Dance, i love being back in the routine of dance.. even if it is only about 2 days a week. But as soon as I'm home, I'm grumpy again.
Its probably because besides really wanting to get some writing finished (and *fingers crossed* published) i also have had an urge to choreograph dances. And really that is not a sudden whim. I have been choreographing bits to music in my head all of time, but i figured it was one of those things that i would never do... i mean how could i, right?
But ever since I've been dancing at NSD, a dance school that a friend of mine owns and runs... i suddenly feel that i have a chance...and i WOULD LOVE TO! but at the same time, i don't know if she feels like she could hire me... for one good reason or another. I mean she has said nothing to me, and I'm sure she has plenty of choices for a dance instructor. I keep trying to let her know that i want the job... but i dunno. I mean i haven't had a good feeling about it. I just feel frustrated, and i figure that it's not going to happen. Which of course makes me feel down and lethargic and whatnot. I'll still dance, nothing will stop me there, but i just would love to work with these kids!
I guess I'm just tired of running in circles. I am really hoping that I can take some time to myself and really do what i need to, since i am "saving money" at home. Actually feel like i'm getting something accomplished or doing something that i really want to. It is kinda tough seeing my 25th birthday looming ahead, and knowing that others have made it so much farther by now.
Yeah yeah, don't compare yourself to others... but still I feel so far behind...