(no subject)
I really must learn not to beat myself up so much when I am not doing things......or rather not doing the 'right' things.
Please forgive me if this post doesn't really make sense as I am finding it difficult to articulate what I mean - in fact I think I am finding it difficult to atually know or understand what I really mean. Slightly worrying in itself but nonetheless I shall progress with my attempt to put what I think I feel into words.
I seem to be spending too much time recently worrying that I am not doing something. Although quite often I can't be sure what exactly it is that I am supposed to be doing or why whatever it is has such a high importance. I do know for sure that there is alot that needs to be done as there are some major projects underway around the house plus there is work to do on the car. Then there are always little projects both practical and computational that I would some day like to have a go at. And never to be forgotten there is a long list of things that need doing for shoples. It is not as if there is a shortage of things that could occupy my time but in the big scheme of things very few of them actually require doing immediately to the point that they are worth stressing over.
The medication that I am on seems to have a side effect of giving me phases of feeling highly apathetic and lethargic to the point where I just want the day to come to an end. I don't want to sit and do nothing as I really don't function well with nothing to occupy my mind but equally I find myself incapable of mustering the interest or motivation to actually do anything to occupy me. The combination of these mental pull invariably leads me to going to bed with a dog or teddy bear where I feel guilty for not doing something and simply allowing my life to pass by.
However, the reality is that if I stop trying to be productive with everything I do then I actually end up doing things. Not things that are necessarily planned of strictly necessary but things nonetheless. And most if not all of these things do actually get me closer to my goals even if in a rather roundabout way! It would be all too easy though to just drift with no direction, no aim and no plan. That would not do at all! I need to maintain a ToDo List for myself and a ToDo List for Shoples otherwise tasks that are important will get either forgotten or continually avoided. Whilst I cannot do without ToDo Lists I feel I must use them to help me remember tasks that need to be completed and not be a slave to them feeling guilty when I do something that is missing from the list.
So now I am going to sit and have a cup of coffee and feel accomplished that I have taken mince from the freezer and that I have a plan to make this into curry for tonight's dinner. I am not going to feel that thinking about dinner is a worthless task by virtue of it not being followed by the satisfying but rather fultile pleasure of crossing it from a list once complete.
Perhaps my ToDo List needs a corollary of tasks that have been completed which did not feature on the list and that entries on this corollary should be seen as a much greater accomplishment than those for which a reminder existed before they were tackled. I am tempted to add to my ToDo List to create such a corollary but I shall resist the urge and allow it to form the first entry in said corollary if and when it ever comes into being......
Please forgive me if this post doesn't really make sense as I am finding it difficult to articulate what I mean - in fact I think I am finding it difficult to atually know or understand what I really mean. Slightly worrying in itself but nonetheless I shall progress with my attempt to put what I think I feel into words.
I seem to be spending too much time recently worrying that I am not doing something. Although quite often I can't be sure what exactly it is that I am supposed to be doing or why whatever it is has such a high importance. I do know for sure that there is alot that needs to be done as there are some major projects underway around the house plus there is work to do on the car. Then there are always little projects both practical and computational that I would some day like to have a go at. And never to be forgotten there is a long list of things that need doing for shoples. It is not as if there is a shortage of things that could occupy my time but in the big scheme of things very few of them actually require doing immediately to the point that they are worth stressing over.
The medication that I am on seems to have a side effect of giving me phases of feeling highly apathetic and lethargic to the point where I just want the day to come to an end. I don't want to sit and do nothing as I really don't function well with nothing to occupy my mind but equally I find myself incapable of mustering the interest or motivation to actually do anything to occupy me. The combination of these mental pull invariably leads me to going to bed with a dog or teddy bear where I feel guilty for not doing something and simply allowing my life to pass by.
However, the reality is that if I stop trying to be productive with everything I do then I actually end up doing things. Not things that are necessarily planned of strictly necessary but things nonetheless. And most if not all of these things do actually get me closer to my goals even if in a rather roundabout way! It would be all too easy though to just drift with no direction, no aim and no plan. That would not do at all! I need to maintain a ToDo List for myself and a ToDo List for Shoples otherwise tasks that are important will get either forgotten or continually avoided. Whilst I cannot do without ToDo Lists I feel I must use them to help me remember tasks that need to be completed and not be a slave to them feeling guilty when I do something that is missing from the list.
So now I am going to sit and have a cup of coffee and feel accomplished that I have taken mince from the freezer and that I have a plan to make this into curry for tonight's dinner. I am not going to feel that thinking about dinner is a worthless task by virtue of it not being followed by the satisfying but rather fultile pleasure of crossing it from a list once complete.
Perhaps my ToDo List needs a corollary of tasks that have been completed which did not feature on the list and that entries on this corollary should be seen as a much greater accomplishment than those for which a reminder existed before they were tackled. I am tempted to add to my ToDo List to create such a corollary but I shall resist the urge and allow it to form the first entry in said corollary if and when it ever comes into being......