(no subject)
Wow, it's been forever since I've entered anything in my journal. I never could keep a Diary. I don't want to be too long winded; I know it gets boring when it's a long entry. There has been so much going on. I don't know where to begin...
I got baptized into Ben's church about two weeks ago and my mom still doesn't know. My sister, dad, and my mom's parents know, but she doesn't. I'm not sure why I'm having such a hard time with it. I guess it's because I really don't want to break her heart. She told me that she would "regret the rest of her life". How am I supposed to live with that?! I'm happy, and so far the rest of my family is glad that I'm HAPPY. But my heart hurts so badly when it comes to hurting my mom. She means so much to me that I don't want to disappoint her. I've always been the one she looks up to. She told me that "she is so proud of me, and impressed with the way I handle life, that she has always looked up to me". Looked up to me?! How can I measure up? I don't want to fall of my pedestal. I think deep down I know that I have already fallen some time ago. I know I need to stand up for myself and tell her how I have chosen to life my life. I love her. I need to treat her like an adult......