(no subject)
The other night I dreamt of a tilting sun and an ancient tree, and you were there, somewhere in the expanse of green plains and dead branches. I want to release you. I feel possessed sometimes I love you too much. I struggle with myself, losing my barriers, my vision is blurred. My small heart beat furiously on you, and I dared to open it. After years and years, I thought it would be worth it, that I believed it was life's purpose to love, simply and truly. And so I struggle every day with this, because I know you do not think of me once I am out of your dark blue view. I know this like I know you. I want to close. I do not believe I deserve you deep down, though I hoped I was worthy. But some nights I hear the voice telling me I am not, will never be, it is not meant for me. And desperatley I look around me for something else to love. Something that is not dying, that is young and pure of heart. I do not need to be loved, but I need to be admired, and I need to love until it breaks me and I am new. I do not need to be loved.
*
And there is more electricity, the moon hangs low in the sky, bright yellow and perfect. My mother tells me of a woman who lost her baby, how bad she feels for her. And I wondered about me, how bad did she feel for me?
She just told me not to be silly. Don't be silly and love somebody? Don't be stupid enough to be loved.
*
And there is more electricity, the moon hangs low in the sky, bright yellow and perfect. My mother tells me of a woman who lost her baby, how bad she feels for her. And I wondered about me, how bad did she feel for me?
She just told me not to be silly. Don't be silly and love somebody? Don't be stupid enough to be loved.