Perhaps I've been working too hard...
Most people on my friends list probably haven't had the dubious honour of attempting to phone the Legal Services Commission. On Thursday I must have phoned them about ten times and was given a very long winded run around in an attempt to find some missing files. I would not say I'm a particularly competent poet, but what can I say? They inspired me.
THe tedium of legal work,
Though largely uninviting,
Has here and there an added perk
To keep our days exciting.
We do not mean High Court battles,
Bitter spats with lawyers,
Nor endless reams of legal prattle
Or clients made to annoy us.
Indeed, the high point of our day,
To which we look to eagerly,
To find a moment where we may
Pick up and dial the LSC.
What joy we feel to hear once more
The strains of hold tunes played on loop.
Anticipation builds yet more:
Will pearls fall thence or piles of poop?
No way to work without their kind,
They are our shining beacon.
Incompetence exemplified,
They work no rhyme or reason.
Who can blame them if they've lost
A box full of our files?
They may have sent them in the post
To a place of many miles.
The far flung office quoted thus
Has not heard of our case.
Indeed, they never deal with us,
We should try our local place.
The local office cannot help,
They don't do bills these days.
Their station is now on the shelf,
But they think Newcastle pays.
Newcastle we now gladly call,
To cover every place.
Our files have not been there at all,
Perhaps we've been on wild goose chase?
Our files' location remains a blank,
"They'll turn up probably.
"This happens often to be frank.
"Thanks for calling the LSC!"
THe tedium of legal work,
Though largely uninviting,
Has here and there an added perk
To keep our days exciting.
We do not mean High Court battles,
Bitter spats with lawyers,
Nor endless reams of legal prattle
Or clients made to annoy us.
Indeed, the high point of our day,
To which we look to eagerly,
To find a moment where we may
Pick up and dial the LSC.
What joy we feel to hear once more
The strains of hold tunes played on loop.
Anticipation builds yet more:
Will pearls fall thence or piles of poop?
No way to work without their kind,
They are our shining beacon.
Incompetence exemplified,
They work no rhyme or reason.
Who can blame them if they've lost
A box full of our files?
They may have sent them in the post
To a place of many miles.
The far flung office quoted thus
Has not heard of our case.
Indeed, they never deal with us,
We should try our local place.
The local office cannot help,
They don't do bills these days.
Their station is now on the shelf,
But they think Newcastle pays.
Newcastle we now gladly call,
To cover every place.
Our files have not been there at all,
Perhaps we've been on wild goose chase?
Our files' location remains a blank,
"They'll turn up probably.
"This happens often to be frank.
"Thanks for calling the LSC!"