Drifting Away...
Why is it that people always drift apart? I realize that everyone has different lives and different things they want to do with those lives, it just... it seems like you can be best friends with someone one day and then, slowly but surely, they stop talking to you... they stop trying to communicate with you and your just left wondering... why?
I know I'm hard to get along with sometimes (well, most of the time really) but, why is it that I'm always the one who has to reach out to everyone else? Why is it that I seem to be so easy to forget or ignore? It's always been like this with my family and with my friends. It makes me wonder if I'm just not someone that they want to keep in their lives, like I'm just an amusing acquaintance and, as soon as life gets in the way, I'm not worth the trouble to talking to. Yet here I am, still trying to reach out to people whose actions scream that they don't want me anymore.
People seem to think that I enjoy being alone but I hate it, it scares me. I think about it everyday... "what if I got kidnapped or attacked on my walk this morning? Would anyone notice? Would anyone really care?" or "what if someone broke into my house and murdered me in my sleep? Who would know? No one would notice for days." I hate being alone. It's why I go visit my mom and dad every weekend... it's why I try to keep in touch with my friends long after they seem to have forgotten me.
It makes me wonder what's so wrong with me that no one wants to keep me around very long. I often think my family puts up with me because they have to... except DJ who doesn't really have to so he barely speaks to me at all.
I just wish that I could have my friends back... I wish I could have my family back with everyone getting together and getting along. I suppose wishing is a wasted effort though... I don't see a genie anywhere around here and I don't hear my phone ringing just because a friend of mine "just wanted to talk".
I wish people would just stop drifting away... but I don't have the heart to try to tie anyone to me.
(By the way Jen, this little rant does not apply to you in anyway so don't worry.)
I know I'm hard to get along with sometimes (well, most of the time really) but, why is it that I'm always the one who has to reach out to everyone else? Why is it that I seem to be so easy to forget or ignore? It's always been like this with my family and with my friends. It makes me wonder if I'm just not someone that they want to keep in their lives, like I'm just an amusing acquaintance and, as soon as life gets in the way, I'm not worth the trouble to talking to. Yet here I am, still trying to reach out to people whose actions scream that they don't want me anymore.
People seem to think that I enjoy being alone but I hate it, it scares me. I think about it everyday... "what if I got kidnapped or attacked on my walk this morning? Would anyone notice? Would anyone really care?" or "what if someone broke into my house and murdered me in my sleep? Who would know? No one would notice for days." I hate being alone. It's why I go visit my mom and dad every weekend... it's why I try to keep in touch with my friends long after they seem to have forgotten me.
It makes me wonder what's so wrong with me that no one wants to keep me around very long. I often think my family puts up with me because they have to... except DJ who doesn't really have to so he barely speaks to me at all.
I just wish that I could have my friends back... I wish I could have my family back with everyone getting together and getting along. I suppose wishing is a wasted effort though... I don't see a genie anywhere around here and I don't hear my phone ringing just because a friend of mine "just wanted to talk".
I wish people would just stop drifting away... but I don't have the heart to try to tie anyone to me.
(By the way Jen, this little rant does not apply to you in anyway so don't worry.)