Autumn brings balance
Today's mood: optimistic. I have had a frankly awful time recently, people I love dying with alarming regularity, being told some exceedingly unpleasant things by my doctor, some of my best friends leaving London... it all sucketh. However, I got a bit sick and tired of feeling so utterly oppressed by all the crap. And thus, changes have been made! The awesome clockworkwasp was the instigator of some of this with her delightful visit of crazy and lots of plotting has been done since. I'm starting to relax again, feel secure and safe and loved and hopeful. I wrote a list of Things That Are Good and you know what? My life is *awesome*! Ridiculously so, in fact. Yes, in the past year, bad things have often outweighed the good, but that doesn't mean that the good hasn't been there.
Some people will never understand the fact that I might not want to lead a conventional life; that I might not want to spend my time being dull and staying in all the time or bitching about my problems to anyone who will listen or go clubbing with my uni friends every week (though daily "literary pretension" coffee with Charlotte is quite necessary :D)... I prefer to spend a lot of time with my wonderful family and Ben and Treadwellians and Crimson people and lovely old close friends like Angel... Because those things make me happy. Being spontaneous and going for a surprise girlie night out (even though we didn't leave until gone midnight and it resulted in my fake eyelashes gluing my eyes shut this morning) is worth feeling tired the next day, because you are buzzy on all the fun you had. And I had really, really, really, spectacularly good fun. Sometimes all it takes is dinner with someone you love and a damn good night out to make you snap out of an ongoing cycle of panic and stress.
I have said my goodbyes to those I have lost. I can't do anything about my health; just be hopeful. I have fantastic friends around me and those who have headed off, I will be seeing again very soon when they return to London to visit. This equinox has got a lot of sadness and joy all muddled up in it. I also know that some decisions need to be made soon, which I'm not exactly ecstatic about, but I have spent almost the entire last year giving all of myself in order to support friends and family who needed it... I need a bit of me time now I think. An autumn of quiet bookinshness, fabulous people and spontaneous partying is much needed. An autumn of glitter and books and fabulous shoes. It's going to be a hell of a lot of fun :D
Some people will never understand the fact that I might not want to lead a conventional life; that I might not want to spend my time being dull and staying in all the time or bitching about my problems to anyone who will listen or go clubbing with my uni friends every week (though daily "literary pretension" coffee with Charlotte is quite necessary :D)... I prefer to spend a lot of time with my wonderful family and Ben and Treadwellians and Crimson people and lovely old close friends like Angel... Because those things make me happy. Being spontaneous and going for a surprise girlie night out (even though we didn't leave until gone midnight and it resulted in my fake eyelashes gluing my eyes shut this morning) is worth feeling tired the next day, because you are buzzy on all the fun you had. And I had really, really, really, spectacularly good fun. Sometimes all it takes is dinner with someone you love and a damn good night out to make you snap out of an ongoing cycle of panic and stress.
I have said my goodbyes to those I have lost. I can't do anything about my health; just be hopeful. I have fantastic friends around me and those who have headed off, I will be seeing again very soon when they return to London to visit. This equinox has got a lot of sadness and joy all muddled up in it. I also know that some decisions need to be made soon, which I'm not exactly ecstatic about, but I have spent almost the entire last year giving all of myself in order to support friends and family who needed it... I need a bit of me time now I think. An autumn of quiet bookinshness, fabulous people and spontaneous partying is much needed. An autumn of glitter and books and fabulous shoes. It's going to be a hell of a lot of fun :D