Having trouble breaking free from this...
It's amazing, the feeling you get once you've accomplished something you've been postponing since before you can remember. Granted, I'm still a little anxious, but I think that's mostly because there's so many things in general that need to be done and I've lost track a little of where I'm supposed to be.
Whatever. I'll stick to the whole, "things work out the way they're supposed to" shpiel. It's worked for 20 years--I think it can hold a bit longer. [[that's what she said.]]
I think sometimes people confuse "going with the flow" with "things work out the way they're supposed to." At least, to me, the former is more of a lazy and lethargic way to look at life, while the latter is more motivation to do what you need to do and hope for the best. In sophomore year of high school, I remember I was at some ASB conference or other and one of the class presidents I really looked up to did a presentation where she said, "It's easy just to go with the flow, but remember: water always flows downhill. Where do YOU want to go?"
Needless to say, it's one of the more positive things that have stuck with me since then. I'd like to think that I have some control over what I'm doing. Yes, there are times where I feel I'm just "going with the flow" but now that I think about it, it's usually those times I'm really unhappy with myself, or I'm the most anxious I've been in a while. There are times when it's okay to just sit back and let things happen, but it's good to remember that there's fun to be had when you take control. [[that's what she said]]. Not to mention the power that comes with knowing your life is in your own hands, and it's up to you to take yourself to wherever you want to go.
I'm getting there. Slowly, but surely.
[[that's what she said]].
I guess, as bad as an experince ASB was ((UNDERSTATEMENT)), it taught me a lot about myself, and if that's the only thing it gave me, then I guess I have reason to be grateful. Of course, I met a lot of incredibly awesome people through ASB, so it couldn't have been that bad ((except that it was)). Eh. Remember the good, right?
In other news...
It's getting harder for me to forget how close the end of summer is, and while someone living in SoCal could easily argue that summer kind of doesn't end for us, there are a couple of events I see as marking the end of...well, my youth, so to speak.
I know it's a little trite and lame to think one day, or even one week is going to mature me, and I know that's not how it happens...I just don't know what to expect. It's almost like I'm the proverbial sparrow leaving the nest for the first time; I'm ready to go out there and learn what I can, and experience what there is for me to experience, but at the same time, leaving means turning my back on the safety net of everything familiar here.
Yes, I know. Irvine really isn't that far away. And there's the internet, which makes communication fairly easy even if I'm halfway across the world from whoever I'm speaking with. But it just seems different somehow. Washington's stealing away the people I've managed to grow close to these past years, months and weeks; my sister will be going somewhere I have no experience with and I can't help her like I used to; I'll be...um...in Irvine.
I know it will work out--I have no doubt that when all is said and done that all these changes will have been for the better. But it isn't the end I'm worried about--it's the journey from point A to point B. I sort of see it as an extended, year-or-so long version of the past four weeks. Going into my fast-track spanish class, I knew the following four weeks would be hell, considering I had all those requirements to complete on top of a lit class. Yet, even in my apprehension of what was to come, I knew that four weeks later I'd be looking back at everything with a feeling of accomplishment ((and exhaustion)) as well as looking forward to the next couple months with the same exact feelings I had before I started the classes. It's like one big circle that doesn't end...a never-ending cycle of accomplishments and apprehinsions, of elation and exasperation...
I feel like the little kid at the Christmas party who's just waiting for her cheeks to get pinched by that old aunt who always smells like mothballs. I can do whatever I want to avoid the things I have to do, or the things I'll have to deal with, but sooner or later, the future swoops in like that bat of a relative leaving me with sore red cheeks and a lipstick smudge. And while I'll wish it didn't have to happen that way, when it's over, I find I would have been a little sad if things had been any different.
In any case, I think this is long enough, and I still have a Spanish final to study for. With that said, I'll leave you with a little something to look forward to:
You know you want to go.
Whatever. I'll stick to the whole, "things work out the way they're supposed to" shpiel. It's worked for 20 years--I think it can hold a bit longer. [[that's what she said.]]
I think sometimes people confuse "going with the flow" with "things work out the way they're supposed to." At least, to me, the former is more of a lazy and lethargic way to look at life, while the latter is more motivation to do what you need to do and hope for the best. In sophomore year of high school, I remember I was at some ASB conference or other and one of the class presidents I really looked up to did a presentation where she said, "It's easy just to go with the flow, but remember: water always flows downhill. Where do YOU want to go?"
Needless to say, it's one of the more positive things that have stuck with me since then. I'd like to think that I have some control over what I'm doing. Yes, there are times where I feel I'm just "going with the flow" but now that I think about it, it's usually those times I'm really unhappy with myself, or I'm the most anxious I've been in a while. There are times when it's okay to just sit back and let things happen, but it's good to remember that there's fun to be had when you take control. [[that's what she said]]. Not to mention the power that comes with knowing your life is in your own hands, and it's up to you to take yourself to wherever you want to go.
I'm getting there. Slowly, but surely.
[[that's what she said]].
I guess, as bad as an experince ASB was ((UNDERSTATEMENT)), it taught me a lot about myself, and if that's the only thing it gave me, then I guess I have reason to be grateful. Of course, I met a lot of incredibly awesome people through ASB, so it couldn't have been that bad ((except that it was)). Eh. Remember the good, right?
In other news...
It's getting harder for me to forget how close the end of summer is, and while someone living in SoCal could easily argue that summer kind of doesn't end for us, there are a couple of events I see as marking the end of...well, my youth, so to speak.
I know it's a little trite and lame to think one day, or even one week is going to mature me, and I know that's not how it happens...I just don't know what to expect. It's almost like I'm the proverbial sparrow leaving the nest for the first time; I'm ready to go out there and learn what I can, and experience what there is for me to experience, but at the same time, leaving means turning my back on the safety net of everything familiar here.
Yes, I know. Irvine really isn't that far away. And there's the internet, which makes communication fairly easy even if I'm halfway across the world from whoever I'm speaking with. But it just seems different somehow. Washington's stealing away the people I've managed to grow close to these past years, months and weeks; my sister will be going somewhere I have no experience with and I can't help her like I used to; I'll be...um...in Irvine.
I know it will work out--I have no doubt that when all is said and done that all these changes will have been for the better. But it isn't the end I'm worried about--it's the journey from point A to point B. I sort of see it as an extended, year-or-so long version of the past four weeks. Going into my fast-track spanish class, I knew the following four weeks would be hell, considering I had all those requirements to complete on top of a lit class. Yet, even in my apprehension of what was to come, I knew that four weeks later I'd be looking back at everything with a feeling of accomplishment ((and exhaustion)) as well as looking forward to the next couple months with the same exact feelings I had before I started the classes. It's like one big circle that doesn't end...a never-ending cycle of accomplishments and apprehinsions, of elation and exasperation...
I feel like the little kid at the Christmas party who's just waiting for her cheeks to get pinched by that old aunt who always smells like mothballs. I can do whatever I want to avoid the things I have to do, or the things I'll have to deal with, but sooner or later, the future swoops in like that bat of a relative leaving me with sore red cheeks and a lipstick smudge. And while I'll wish it didn't have to happen that way, when it's over, I find I would have been a little sad if things had been any different.
In any case, I think this is long enough, and I still have a Spanish final to study for. With that said, I'll leave you with a little something to look forward to:
You know you want to go.