I've seen your frown and it's like looking down the barrel of a gun...
I'm blogging again.
This weekend isn't even half over and I think I learned more in these past two days than I have all quarter -- maybe all year even. Except for that english class last quarter.
Pathemata mathemata. I won't forget it.
This weekend forced me to look at everything I was doing and wonder if all of it was worth it. More than that, it forced me to look at myself, and I came to the conclusion that no, I'm not actually happy. I've been giving everyone advice on what to do to be happy, but I haven't once tried to take my own advice. I'm going through the motions, and that's not going to be good enough for me anymore.
I'm going to focus on what makes me happy: reading for pleasure, family, yoga, music, friends, baking, crochet, movies, theatre, and dancing. I know I won't be able to integrate all of those things in my life at once, but that won't be my goal. But all those things at one point or another have helped me relax, and refocus, and that's what I need right now. Those are things I've realized I need in one way or another, and I need to make time for them. My whole life can't consist of studying for a future I've forced myself to believe I want. I have options, and now, more than ever, I need to explore them. I keep telling myself I don't have time for all these things, when in reality, time is all I really have. I just need to learn to manage it.
I also need to stop pushing people away. I've distanced myself so much from my friends in the effort to keep myself up that I forgot they were a support system I needed. That will have to change, without a doubt.
I have this fantasy, where I just go away and figure all this crap out. When I come back, I'm a different person, and my life here has sorted itself out so perfectly that I just need to slip back into it. But change doesn't work that way--if something's not working, I've learned I can't just sit back and wait for it to fix itself. No one can. I'm going to start taking an active part in my own life and stop letting it live me. And making a declaration like that is the most exciting thing I've done so far this year.
For the first time in a long time, I feel like things are changing, and it's for the better.
This weekend isn't even half over and I think I learned more in these past two days than I have all quarter -- maybe all year even. Except for that english class last quarter.
Pathemata mathemata. I won't forget it.
This weekend forced me to look at everything I was doing and wonder if all of it was worth it. More than that, it forced me to look at myself, and I came to the conclusion that no, I'm not actually happy. I've been giving everyone advice on what to do to be happy, but I haven't once tried to take my own advice. I'm going through the motions, and that's not going to be good enough for me anymore.
I'm going to focus on what makes me happy: reading for pleasure, family, yoga, music, friends, baking, crochet, movies, theatre, and dancing. I know I won't be able to integrate all of those things in my life at once, but that won't be my goal. But all those things at one point or another have helped me relax, and refocus, and that's what I need right now. Those are things I've realized I need in one way or another, and I need to make time for them. My whole life can't consist of studying for a future I've forced myself to believe I want. I have options, and now, more than ever, I need to explore them. I keep telling myself I don't have time for all these things, when in reality, time is all I really have. I just need to learn to manage it.
I also need to stop pushing people away. I've distanced myself so much from my friends in the effort to keep myself up that I forgot they were a support system I needed. That will have to change, without a doubt.
I have this fantasy, where I just go away and figure all this crap out. When I come back, I'm a different person, and my life here has sorted itself out so perfectly that I just need to slip back into it. But change doesn't work that way--if something's not working, I've learned I can't just sit back and wait for it to fix itself. No one can. I'm going to start taking an active part in my own life and stop letting it live me. And making a declaration like that is the most exciting thing I've done so far this year.
For the first time in a long time, I feel like things are changing, and it's for the better.