Elliott - Chapter 1/8
Title: Elliott
Author: Froxyn
Rating: FRT this chapter/FRAO overall
Synopsis: Buffy and Giles have been having issues. Life-changing news means it’s time for a proper resolution. Sooner, rather than later.
Timeline: AU, 8 years post-series.
Author’s Notes: As always, a special thank you to
fairygothmum.
Warning: This story will deal with a young character’s serious illness.
Giles sat at the table, staring at the letter in his hand. He swallowed and rubbed his hand over his face…and then read it again. He lowered the letter and glanced at the phone. His first instinct was to call Buffy. To pick up the phone, dial her number, and just…talk.
But, it had only been three months since she’d left. She hadn’t left England…not yet, anyway. He’d like to think that she wouldn’t, but things were very uncertain right now. No, she hadn’t left England…but, she had left him…their relationship. Of course there had been the customary ‘we’ll always be friends’ discussion - but, everyone knew that was always a lie that was told during a parting of ways.
And to be fair to her, he couldn’t call her. Not when he was still in love with her.
He sighed heavily and picked up the phone. He took a deep breath and then dialled a number. He closed his eyes as he listened, his jaw clenching slightly when the call was connected.
“Hello, Rupert.”
Giles opened his eyes and took a deep breath. “Are you busy, Ethan?”
“At the moment, no.” Ethan replied. “You at the pub?”
“No…no, I’m at home.” His fingers toyed with the corner of the letter. “I, uh…I could use a friend though.”
Ethan was quiet for only a second. “I’ll be there soon.”
“Thank you.” Giles whispered, then ended the call.
His eyes glistened as he read the letter again, hoping for a better ending this time.
A single tear escaped the corner of his eye. There was no better ending.
* * *
“Jesus Christ, mate…” Ethan sighed heavily, lowering the piece of paper and lifting his eyes. “Have you talked to Buffy?”
Giles was standing across the room, staring out the window with his hands in his pockets. He shook his head slowly.
“Rupert…”
“Don’t. I can’t tell her this, not right now.”
“I think she needs to know.” Ethan replied, staring at Giles’ back. “She’d want to know.”
“I can’t talk to her, Ethan. Not about this…not yet.”
“She cares about you.”
“Yes, she said. Problem is, I’m still in love with her.” He turned slowly and met Ethan’s eyes. “I’m not at the point where I can be friends with her.”
Ethan was quiet for a few moments and then exhaled a deep breath. “What’s your plan? And what can I do to help?”
“I don’t have a plan. I suppose firstly a leave of absence. I need to make some phone calls, see what needs to be done.”
“Have you spoken to Peter?”
Giles shook his head slowly. “I called, but he wasn’t exactly…lucid.”
“Brain injuries…” Ethan said quietly, running his fingers through his hair.
“Yeah.” Giles glanced at the pictures on the mantle and inhaled shakily. “I, uh…I’m going to make tea. Want one?”
Knowing that he was needing a moment to himself, Ethan nodded. “Sure, mate. Thanks.”
As he watched Giles leave the room, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He hesitated only a second before sending a quick three word text message.
He needs you.
The reply came almost instantly, not to his surprise.
I’ll be there in 20.
He glanced towards the hallway, slipping the phone back in his pocket. He was fairly certain that Rupert would be upset, but he also knew that he couldn’t help him on his own. He needed help in order to help him.
He’d just have to be upset.
* * *
Giles was staring at his mug of tea when a knock sounded on the door. Ethan glanced over at him when he didn’t make any effort to move.
“Rupe?”
“Hm?” Giles looked up, narrowing his eyes when he heard a knock on the front door.
He placed his mug on the lamp table and stood up. He glanced at the clock, wondering who would just stop by. It wasn’t all that late at nearly 8pm, but the days of people just randomly showing up at his home ended with Sunnydale. He made his way over, turning the knob as another knock sounded. As he opened the door, he heaved a deep sigh.
“Buffy.”
Buffy looked at him, instantly seeing the sadness in his eyes. “Are you okay?”
“I’d ask you why you’re here, but I’d hazard to guess that Ethan asked you to come.” He stepped to the side, silently inviting her in.
“What’s going on?” She asked, looking over at Ethan before turning back to Giles.
He gestured towards the sofa, but didn’t move. “Have a seat. I’ll make you a coffee.”
“Giles?” She reached out, placing her hand on his forearm.
“Ethan contacted you…I didn’t.” He stated quietly, pulling away from her and making his way back to the kitchen.
She watched him disappear down the hall and then walked over to the sofa. “What the hell’s going on?”
“I don’t know how to help him on my own.” Ethan said, handing her the letter that Giles had handed to him upon his arrival earlier.
Buffy took the piece of paper and narrowed her eyes. “This…is a doctor’s report.”
Ethan nodded. “Yeah, you should read it.”
Buffy read it quickly. Then she read it again, a bit slower. Her eyes glistened as she suddenly turned and left the room, in search of Giles.
She rushed down the hall and into the kitchen, finding Giles leaning against the counter. He was staring at the coffee press, his arms crossed over his chest. He took a deep breath, but didn’t look at her.
“You weren’t going to tell me?”
“Not yet.” He replied.
“This…” She held up the letter and bit her lip, trying to control her emotions. “This is from an oncologist…”
“Yes, it is.”
“You have cancer…and you didn’t think I had a right to know?”
Giles lifted his head and looked at her, confusing showing in his eyes. “I don’t have cancer. And we’re not together…nor are we friends.”
“Rupert E. Giles.” She said, shaking the letter lightly. “Stage IVB osteosarcoma, metastases in the liver. I can read, Giles!”
“But, you didn’t look at the date of birth.” He replied, staring into her eyes.
She opened her mouth, then closed it…suddenly understanding. Tears filled her eyes as she shook her head. “Elliott?”
He swallowed and reached over, gently pushing the plunger down on the coffee press. “I, uh…I don’t really know what to do.”
“You should have called me. I love him too, Giles. I’ve been in his life since he was six years old. He’s called me ‘Mum’ since he was eight.”
He started to say something, then stopped himself. He nodded in agreement and sighed softly. “I’m sorry, I just…”
He shook his head slowly, as if trying to clear his thoughts, as he poured the coffee into a mug. “My nephew is dying. How am I supposed to tell a twelve year old child that he’s dying?”
“Let me help.” She whispered emotionally. “Please.”
He pushed the mug towards her and met her eyes. He didn’t even bother trying to hide the emotion in his. He just didn’t see the point at the moment.
“You left me, Buffy. If there’s one thing I’m grateful for, it’s the fact that he’s been at the Academy during all of this…upheaval. Of course, he knows you love him…but, he also knows you left.”
“Giles…”
“I’m not sure I can…ask you to help.” He furrowed his brow and lowered his gaze. “It’s too hard. I’m having a difficult time being this close to you…while wanting nothing more than to feel your arms around me. And my focus needs to be on him.”
“You can’t shut me out of this, Giles.”
“Buffy, you’re not his - ”
“Don’t you fucking dare.” She interrupted quickly, jabbing her finger into his chest. “Don’t you dare tell me I’m not his mother. I know that. You’re not his father…does it make you love him any less?”
“He’s twelve, Buffy. He doesn’t understand comfort in a time of distress.” He stated, taking a step back from her.
“I don’t do distressed comfort, Giles.”
Feeling a sudden wave of annoyance rush through him, he snapped his eyes towards her. “You left.”
“I didn’t want to.”
He narrowed his eyes and felt his annoyance slip towards frustration. “If you don’t want to do something, you don’t do it. Saying ‘no’ was enough, Buffy. Saying ‘no’ didn’t necessitate the dissolution of a nearly seven year relationship.”
“Giles…”
He held up his left hand and took a breath that she recognised as him trying to calm himself. “This conversation can’t happen right now.”
He moved past her, pausing at the doorway when he heard her soft admission.
“I’m still in love you. I never stopped loving you.”
He blew out a deep breath, but didn’t turn to look at her.
“Then you shouldn’t have left.”
She stared after him as he left the room, knowing he was right.
He was right about everything.
* * *
Buffy walked into the living room and darted her eyes around before looking at Ethan. “Where is he?”
“He went outside.” He replied, leaning forward slightly on the sofa. “You okay, love?”
“No.” She sighed and sat down next to him. “At first, I thought it was him. I just saw Rupert E. Giles…and then when he told me…”
She looked over at him and shook her head. “He’s only twelve. How is that even fair?”
“It’s not. Not at all.” He said quietly. “I’d be devastated if it were Rupert, but…Elliott? He’s only a child…he should have his entire life ahead of him. When Peter had the accident, Rupert didn’t hesitate. I thought he was insane to be taking in a four year old. But, he was such a natural at it - being a parent. And then you came back and finally Elliott had something he’d never had before.”
He smiled warmly when Buffy looked at him questioningly.
“Two parents who love him.”
“I couldn’t love him anymore if he were mine.” Buffy said, running her finger over the bracelet that Elliott had gotten her for Mother’s Day the previous year.
“He knows that.” Ethan said, gesturing towards the back door with a tilt of his head. “So does he.”
“I fucked things up so badly.”
“Do you want me to talk to him? Let him know that we’ve been talking since you left?”
Buffy shook her head slowly. “I think that would hurt him more than help.”
“Fair enough.” Ethan said, glancing towards the window. “I do think you two need to talk. You’re both miserable. And Elliott needs his parents, so…I’m going to head out.”
Buffy’s eyes widened slightly. “He won’t talk to me…”
“He will if I’m not here. You two need to get a plan of action started.”
Buffy’s eyes lowered. “I don’t even know that he wants me involved in this.”
“He calls you ‘Mum’…” A soft voice said from the other side of the room. “He needs you too.”
Buffy and Ethan both looked over, neither having heard him come back in. Giles shook his head sadly, glancing at a picture on the wall. A picture of the three of them taken a few years previously. Smiles all around…
“But, it can’t be about us, Buffy.” He continued, slowly shifting his gaze back to her. “Not right now.”
Ethan watched them watch each other for a few moments. While he agreed that priority needed to be given to Elliott, these two…they needed to talk, they needed to sort their shit out.
When they both turned to look at him, he smiled and shrugged a shoulder. He tapped his temple and then gestured towards them both.
“My thoughts are accurate. You both know that.”
“Ethan, I told you - ”
“I didn’t talk about it, Rupert. I thought about it. So what if I projected those thoughts to the two of you? But, since it’s obvious that the message was received…” He stood up and slipped his jacket on, taking a step away from them as he continued. “Sort your fucking shit. Both of you. Elliott is going to need both of you…and he needs you together, not separately. You know you’re better together…always have been. Misunderstandings, rash decisions…throwing away happiness is idiotic at best. Sort it out.”
And with that, he turned and walked out of the house. As the latch closed with a soft click, Giles inhaled deeply and lowered himself to the chair across from the sofa. He met Buffy’s eyes and gestured for her to sit down on the sofa. Buffy ran her fingers through her hair and then sat down, looking at him expectantly.
“Do we need to get the whiteboard out?” When he furrowed his brow in confusion, she shrugged a shoulder. “Action plans…you used to like using a whiteboard.”
He stared at her for a long moment. Long enough that she started to feel uneasy.
“Do you really think he’s going to die?” She asked quietly.
He lowered his eyes briefly and cleared his throat. “The fact that it has metastasized and has been found in the liver doesn’t fill me with a great deal of hope.”
“He hasn’t said anything to me. I talk to him at least four times a week.”
“The most he’s said to me is that he’s generally sore and fairly tired. He assumed it was from sport.” He sat back in the chair and rested his right ankle over his left knee. “When the pain didn’t subside, I took him to the doctor - battery of tests…scans…and here we are.”
“When did you get the results?” She asked, not quite sure if she really wanted to hear the answer.
“This afternoon.” He watched her carefully for her reaction, surprised himself that she seemed surprised. “I would have called you tonight at some point, Buffy. I just…I had to work through it without you first. Process what I can, which granted…isn’t much.”
“So…he doesn’t know yet?”
Giles shook his head slowly. “They’ve scheduled him for a consultation day after tomorrow. I’m certain that treatments and prognosis will be discussed at that point. Are, uh…are you available?”
“Absolutely.” She replied with no hesitation. She watched him as he ran his hand over his face, closing his eyes briefly. “You look exhausted.”
“It’s been a trying day.” He said, opening his eyes and meeting her gaze. “I’ll be going on a leave of absence effective tomorrow. I was thinking of asking Charmichael to act as Head. What do you think?”
“I think that’s your call, Giles. I’m just a semi-retired Slayer these days.” Understanding the flash of sadness that he had tried to shield from her, she sighed softly. “Of course, if you’re actually asking my opinion…I think he’s a good choice.”
“I miss you so fucking much.” He whispered, almost inaudibly.
“I thought this conversation wasn’t supposed to be about us.” She replied, tilting her head as she watched him.
“He’s right. Ethan. He’s fucking right…and I hate it.” He muttered, shaking his head in annoyance. “He’s going to need us together…whether we’re together or not.”
He furrowed his brow, trying to follow his own line of thinking. “That made no sense.”
“It did.” Buffy offered a gentle smile. “Whether we’re together or not romantically…Elliott needs us to be unified parentally - we have to be a cohesive unit in order to help him through this. If we’re at odds, we’re not going to be on even ground. Different pages of the same book, and all that jazz.”
“Quite.” Giles responded, obviously impressed.
Buffy rolled her eyes. “I’ve known you for over half of my life. You allowed me into your heart for a good portion of that time. Why would I not understand what you mean?”
“You didn’t have to leave.” He said softly, his eyes a mossier green than usual.
“I panicked.” She replied, then grimaced when she registered how weak that truly sounded.
“It was more than that. You don’t throw away everything we had over a moment’s panic. Not after everything we’ve been through.”
When she lowered her eyes and hesitated in a response, he exhaled a deep breath.
“I’m going to bed. You’re right…I’m exhausted. You’re welcome to stay. You can take our…you can sleep in the master bedroom.”
She looked up as he stood. “No, no…it’s okay. I’ll take the guest room.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets and shook his head gently. “I moved into the guest room after you left.”
“What?”
“I can’t be in there. Everything reminds me of you…of us.”
“Giles…”
He cleared his throat and walked towards the hallway. “Tomorrow is going to be a…fairly shit day. You should probably try to get some sleep.”
And with that, he turned from her and left the room. She sat there and stared at the hallway for ages.
Until the ticking of the clock became too much for her to bear.
* * *
She opened the door to the bedroom and reached inside, flicking on the light as she walked in. Her eyes widened slightly. It was very obvious that he had told her the truth. The bed hadn’t even been remade. The sheets hadn’t been changed, her robe still draped over the foot of the bed. Everything was as it was when she left - with the exception of most of his clothes no longer hanging in the wardrobe.
She sat down on the bed…on the side that had always been his. Her hand trembled lightly when she reached up and touched his pillow. She fought the tears that were threatening to spill down her cheeks. As her fingers curled in the pillowcase, she lost that fight.
* * *
Giles was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. The soft light in the lamp on the bedside table gave a gentle glow within the room. It would have been quite relaxing if he was thinking about anything other than the incomprehensible news of his nephew’s illness and his ex currently sleeping in the room they had shared for nearly seven years. As it were, he couldn’t relax…his mind was racing…and it was taking everything he had to not curl up into a ball and sob uncontrollably.
He swallowed the lump in his throat and closed his eyes against the tears beginning to well. He sighed softly when he heard the door open.
“Are you awake?” Buffy asked quietly.
Giles opened his eyes, nodding as he resumed staring at the ceiling. “Not sure sleep will find me tonight.”
“Can, uh…can I come in?”
He shifted his gaze to her and hesitated for just a moment before replying. “Yes.”
She slowly entered, closing the door behind her. “Can we talk?”
He pushed himself up and leaned back against the headboard. “About?”
She glanced at the chair and pulled it over closer to the bed. She sat down and ran her hand through her hair nervously. “It wasn’t simply because you asked me, Giles. It was everything that moment encompassed. Like…you didn’t understand anything about me if you asked me to marry you. Because you know how I feel about it. But, even though you know how I feel…you still asked - and that made it seem like my feelings didn’t matter at all to you. And if my feelings didn’t matter…how could I stay?”
“Buffy…I didn’t mean - ”
“Please don’t tell me you didn’t mean to ask me. You had everything planned out…perfect words, beautiful ring…that doesn’t happen if you don’t mean it.”
There was no anger in her statement. A fact that didn’t go unnoticed by him.
“No, I meant to ask. I didn’t mean for you to think that your feelings don’t matter. Of course, they matter. I just…” He rubbed the side of his neck and exhaled deeply. “I just love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And…yes, I want to marry you. I want to see you walk down an aisle towards me. I didn’t mean to disrespect you in any way, Buffy. And I’m so sorry that I did. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“But you did.” She whispered, wiping her fingers over her eye.
“I know.” His eyes glistened as he watched her, aching to reach out to pull her to him. “I’m sorry.”
She was quiet for a few moments, as was he. Both staring at one another, waiting for one of them to say something. Taking a deep breath, she broke the silence.
“I miss you too, Giles. I miss you so much.”
He continued staring at her for an uncomfortably long moment. And then he extended his hand towards her. Her eyes darted to his hand and she bit her bottom lip. He nodded in understanding, recognising her hesitation for what it was.
“I’m asking for nothing, Buffy.” He whispered. “I just…I think I really need to hold you right now.”
“Do you need me to hold you?” She asked, just as softly.
A single tear escaped his eye before he could stop it.
“More than you could possibly know.”
She instantly reached out and took hold of his hand, sliding onto the bed next to him. Before she could process anything, his arms were around her…holding her tightly to him.
She shifted just enough to rest her cheek against his chest as she slipped her arms around him. He trembled lightly as her warm breath ghosted over the front of his throat. She listened to his heart change pace, a slight hesitation that normally would have brought a smile to her face.
But, not tonight. Tonight it only reminded her of how much she had missed listening to his heartbeat at night. His hands were still against her back, his right between her shoulder blades…his left a bit lower. At one time, not that long ago, they would have been roaming…sliding under her shirt to heat her bare skin. But, tonight they were just holding her…pressing her against him. She closed her eyes as she heard his heart change pace again…felt his chest shudder…his arms tightened even more around her.
She wanted to tell him that it was going to be okay…that they’d figure everything out, like they always had. But, she knew this was different. And, if she were honest with herself, they hadn’t been very successful in figuring anything out in the past three months. They’d barely even talked…even when it was about business - which is why she had requested to take a step back into semi-retirement.
They couldn’t work together, she couldn’t work with another Watcher - not that she even needed a Watcher any longer, and there were many other Slayers now to fill the gap that she’d leave. He hadn’t even looked up at her after he had finished reading her request. He merely gave a quick nod and said…
“You have to do what you think is best.”
…and then he signed his name and dated the document. Then he pushed the document towards her, stood up, and walked to the door. He paused long enough to wish her well…and then he had left.
Things were not okay at the moment.
So, instead of pretending they were…or that they would be…she tightened her arms around him, curling her fingers into the soft material of the t-shirt he was wearing. And when she heard his soft sob, she held him even tighter.
* * *
Buffy woke up, momentarily confused. She remembered holding Giles as he broke down…she remembered him holding her as she broke down too. She didn’t remember laying down…she didn’t remember falling asleep. But, she very obviously did.
And now, here she was…her head on Giles’ chest, his arm curled protectively around her.
She lifted her head slowly and looked at him, not overly surprised to find him staring at the ceiling. “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
A hint of a smile played at his lips. “It’s quite alright. I…I hope this is okay? Lying here? I didn’t want to wake you.”
“Have you slept at all?”
“No.” He heaved a deep sigh. “I can’t seem to get my mind to stop…or even slow long enough.”
She shifted further to his side, resting her hand on his chest. She looked down as he covered her hand with his.
“Giles…”
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.” He started, closing his eyes briefly as he curled his fingers around her hand. “You were right. Maybe not in leaving, but in being upset and angry with me. Though the situation was paved with good intentions, I should have known better. You’ve never made a secret of how you feel about marriage - and me asking you wasn’t fair to you. I’m so very sorry, Buffy.”
He cleared his throat and removed his hand from hers. “If I could go back, I’d do things differently. I’d ask you to spend the rest of my life with me, that would be no different…I’d present you with a ring…but, there would be no mention of marriage. A piece of paper isn’t needed, I realise that.”
“No…it never was.” She agreed softly. “And I shouldn’t have left. I should have come back…yelled some more, thrown a couple of things…but, I should have come back.”
“Why didn’t you?” He asked, swallowing thickly.
“Same reason you didn’t ask me to.”
He slowly turned his head towards her. His hand trembled as he lifted it to her cheek. “If I were to ask you now?”
“Is that what you’re - ”
He cut her off quickly with a kiss. A soft kiss to her lips that escalated as she responded. He rolled onto his side, facing her…a groan rumbling in his chest as his tongue slipped between her lips. As the kiss deepened further, she gripped the front of his shirt in her fist. He started to roll her onto her back, but she held him firm and pulled from the kiss.
“Giles, hold on…”
He pulled back slightly to look at her, but didn’t move otherwise. Buffy loosened her grip on his shirt and took a deep breath.
“What is this? Is this a declaration…a confirmation…desperation…” She furrowed her brow. “That’s a lot of -tions, but you know what I mean. Comfort? Distressed comfort…that’s what you said earlier, right?”
“I’m sure there’s probably an element of all of those involved…and probably even more. But, that doesn’t lessen what I’m feeling, Buffy.”
“And what’s that?” She asked quietly.
He looked at her for a moment and then licked his suddenly dry lips. “Please, come home.”
“Giles, we’re both in a pretty vulnerable - ”
“I love you. I’ve never once stopped loving you. Christ, I wanted to be so angry…I tried, I failed miserably. I wanted to come after you…beg you to come back, but I couldn’t.” He swallowed, tenderly rubbing his thumb over her cheek. “Yes, I’m vulnerable…you’re vulnerable. But, that doesn’t negate the depth of love I feel for you.”
She was quiet for a long minute and then sighed. “If Elliott wasn’t sick, would we be here right now?”
“No.” He admitted sadly. “But, only because it’s not Friday.”
“Huh?” She narrowed her eyes in confusion.
“Ethan. We go to the pub on Fridays…have a couple of drinks, throw some darts…share a joint sometimes. He’s been badgering me for a couple of weeks. I feel certain that he would have forced me to talk to you this week.”
“Forced?”
“Only in that he would have called your number then shoved the phone at me. Make me take that first step…because it’s the most terrifying one.”
“I called him two days after I left.” She blurted out, continuing quickly when Giles’ eyes widened. “I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I’d made a huge mistake, but I couldn’t just say ‘hey, Giles…I was wrong’. We’ve been talking a fair bit since…”
“How did he convince you to come tonight? Or…last night, as it were.”
“He sent me a text message.”
He lowered his eyes and scoffed lightly. “I can only imagine what that consisted of.”
“He needs you.”
His eyes snapped back to hers. “That’s all he said?”
“That’s all he had to say.” She replied, sliding her hand to the side of his neck. “I want to come home, Giles. But…but, only if you’re really sure.”
“I want you home.” He whispered. “I need you home. Elliott needs his mum here.”
“Elliott…” Her eyes glistened. “Does Peter know?”
Giles curled his right arm under his head and slid his left hand down to her waist. “I…called. He listened…somewhat. At least, I think he did.”
“Not a good day?”
“No.” He sighed heavily. “His good days are getting fewer and further between, it seems.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It is what it is. But, thank you. At least he doesn’t seem to be in much pain.”
“Eight years is a long time.” She said, rubbing her thumb along the bottom of his jaw.
“It is. I’m not sure that Elliott even remembers his dad…well, what he was like before the accident.”
“I wish I’d known him. I always loved listening to the stories you’d tell Elliott about him.”
Giles smiled briefly, then rolled onto his back. Buffy saw the sadness in his eyes before he could shield her from it.
“Hey…”
“I never thought that I’d have no one to tell stories to about my family. Of course…I never thought that I’d be the last one standing. I was a Watcher on a fucking Hellmouth…who had a tendency to get bashed about the head on a regular basis. Peter was an accountant. Who should have been in more danger of dying early? And Elliott…” Giles’ jaw clenched. “He’s but a child. I never thought I’d be a father…and I guess I’m not, but…”
“You are.” She disagreed. “Look, you may not be his biological father, but…you love him as your son. You treat him as your son…and god, he loves you. You are everything to him. You’re his hero, Giles.”
“I doubt that, but there is much love there without question.”
Buffy propped her head up with her left hand and rested her right on his chest. “Do you know what he told me a couple of weeks ago?”
Giles thought for a moment and then shook his head. “No…I don’t.”
Buffy smiled warmly. “When he was younger, he didn’t understand why his parents chose Rupert as his first name. ‘Why would they name me after my uncle? That’s just weird.’ That’s what he said he used to think. But, then he realised that they named him after the bravest, kindest, smartest, and funniest man…a man who gave up everything to save the world more than once. ‘They gave me his name because he’s the most amazing guy ever.’”
She leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. “Tell me you’re not his hero.”
“He’s amazing in his own right. He’s been through so much already…he’s taught me so much about everything.” He took a deep breath and studiously stared at the ceiling. “I wish I had more…”
He paused and closed his eyes against the sudden tears. Buffy moved quickly, sliding her arm over him and holding him as she rested her head against his shoulder. His arm curled around her, pressing her tightly against him as he fought to get his emotions under control.
“I’m so tired.” He murmured softly. “Mentally, physically, emotionally…I don’t even know how I’m still functioning on any level.”
“Roll over.” She whispered, kissing his chin as she pushed herself up.
“Hm?” He turned his head to look at her, allowing his arm to loosen its hold on her.
“You need sleep, Giles. Roll over.”
“Ah, Buffy…you don’t - ”
“You can either roll over or I can roll you over, your choice.” She interrupted, raising an eyebrow at him.
He sighed heavily and rolled onto his stomach, resting his forehead on his folded arms. “This isn’t necessary.”
She knelt next to him and leaned over, carefully sliding her hands up his back on either side of his spine. He groaned softly when she found a deep knot between his shoulder blades. She worked it out quickly, smiling as the knot unravelled and he gave a sigh of relief. She continued up, fingers rubbing against the back of his neck before slipping into his hair.
He tensed for a moment and then exhaled a deep breath as she started rubbing small circles over his scalp. The turmoil of the past few months had done nothing to ease the tightness…but her persistent touch was doing an extremely amazing job - as always. He sighed deeply as his scalp began to loosen.
She smiled as he yawned. “Okay?”
“Mm.” He murmured sleepily. “Buffy?”
“Yeah?”
“How much more shit sorting do we need to do?”
Her fingers paused for a split second. “We’ve been doing fairly well, I think. We have a few boxes to throw out already.”
He chuckled and she smiled, surprised at the sound she hadn’t heard in months.
He was quiet for a couple of minutes. Quiet enough that she wondered if he had already fallen asleep.
“Please forgive me, Buffy.” He whispered. “Please come back to me.”
“I forgave you months ago, Giles.” She replied, her thumbs caressing the base of his skull. “I’ve been having trouble forgiving myself.”
He turned his head towards her, opening his eyes and staring at her. She gasped at the emotions she saw swirling within…the green of his irises seeming much brighter in the soft light of the room.
“I love you so deeply, Buffy. Please…please come home.”
She nodded slowly. “Okay.”
He smiled lovingly at her, his eyes beginning to droop. She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his temple.
“Sleep, love. We’ll work out the details later.”
“Mm…much more important issues first.” He replied, his words slurring slightly with sleep.
Buffy watched Giles as he drifted into sleep. A tear rolled down her face as she thought about Elliott - the young boy who had taught her what being a mother meant. Giles had taught her about love…true love, honest love. Giles was an amazing father…that hadn’t surprised her at all. But, what did surprise her was the thought that she truly believed she’d been a pretty good mum. And it wasn’t fair that their familial unit was being dismantled so tragically.
She’d suggest talking to the Powers or researching some mystical healing spells - but, she also knew that chances were high that her suggestions would be declined. The Powers tended not to get involved when it came to medical ailments in humans - because that was the natural progression of life.
But, she knew that she would still suggest it.
But, not now…not yet. First things first…
Tomorrow, or later today as it were, they’ll talk to Elliott together. They’ll bring him home from the Academy and they’ll be honest with him. The next morning, they’ll take him to the oncologist…and hopefully be given more information.
Giles snored softly next to her. She looked down at him and her lips quirked into a half-smile.
Tomorrow was going to be rough. She shook her head at that thought. ‘Rough’ didn’t even begin to scratch the surface. She was sure that there wasn’t an actual word to describe what tomorrow was going to be.
But, she knew that the three of them would work through it together.
Like they always had in the past.
Chapter 2: Coming Home
This entry was originally posted at https://froxyn.dreamwidth.org/356214.html. However, you can comment here or there...I'm still around! :)
Author: Froxyn
Rating: FRT this chapter/FRAO overall
Synopsis: Buffy and Giles have been having issues. Life-changing news means it’s time for a proper resolution. Sooner, rather than later.
Timeline: AU, 8 years post-series.
Author’s Notes: As always, a special thank you to
fairygothmum.
Warning: This story will deal with a young character’s serious illness.
Giles sat at the table, staring at the letter in his hand. He swallowed and rubbed his hand over his face…and then read it again. He lowered the letter and glanced at the phone. His first instinct was to call Buffy. To pick up the phone, dial her number, and just…talk.
But, it had only been three months since she’d left. She hadn’t left England…not yet, anyway. He’d like to think that she wouldn’t, but things were very uncertain right now. No, she hadn’t left England…but, she had left him…their relationship. Of course there had been the customary ‘we’ll always be friends’ discussion - but, everyone knew that was always a lie that was told during a parting of ways.
And to be fair to her, he couldn’t call her. Not when he was still in love with her.
He sighed heavily and picked up the phone. He took a deep breath and then dialled a number. He closed his eyes as he listened, his jaw clenching slightly when the call was connected.
“Hello, Rupert.”
Giles opened his eyes and took a deep breath. “Are you busy, Ethan?”
“At the moment, no.” Ethan replied. “You at the pub?”
“No…no, I’m at home.” His fingers toyed with the corner of the letter. “I, uh…I could use a friend though.”
Ethan was quiet for only a second. “I’ll be there soon.”
“Thank you.” Giles whispered, then ended the call.
His eyes glistened as he read the letter again, hoping for a better ending this time.
A single tear escaped the corner of his eye. There was no better ending.
* * *
“Jesus Christ, mate…” Ethan sighed heavily, lowering the piece of paper and lifting his eyes. “Have you talked to Buffy?”
Giles was standing across the room, staring out the window with his hands in his pockets. He shook his head slowly.
“Rupert…”
“Don’t. I can’t tell her this, not right now.”
“I think she needs to know.” Ethan replied, staring at Giles’ back. “She’d want to know.”
“I can’t talk to her, Ethan. Not about this…not yet.”
“She cares about you.”
“Yes, she said. Problem is, I’m still in love with her.” He turned slowly and met Ethan’s eyes. “I’m not at the point where I can be friends with her.”
Ethan was quiet for a few moments and then exhaled a deep breath. “What’s your plan? And what can I do to help?”
“I don’t have a plan. I suppose firstly a leave of absence. I need to make some phone calls, see what needs to be done.”
“Have you spoken to Peter?”
Giles shook his head slowly. “I called, but he wasn’t exactly…lucid.”
“Brain injuries…” Ethan said quietly, running his fingers through his hair.
“Yeah.” Giles glanced at the pictures on the mantle and inhaled shakily. “I, uh…I’m going to make tea. Want one?”
Knowing that he was needing a moment to himself, Ethan nodded. “Sure, mate. Thanks.”
As he watched Giles leave the room, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He hesitated only a second before sending a quick three word text message.
He needs you.
The reply came almost instantly, not to his surprise.
I’ll be there in 20.
He glanced towards the hallway, slipping the phone back in his pocket. He was fairly certain that Rupert would be upset, but he also knew that he couldn’t help him on his own. He needed help in order to help him.
He’d just have to be upset.
* * *
Giles was staring at his mug of tea when a knock sounded on the door. Ethan glanced over at him when he didn’t make any effort to move.
“Rupe?”
“Hm?” Giles looked up, narrowing his eyes when he heard a knock on the front door.
He placed his mug on the lamp table and stood up. He glanced at the clock, wondering who would just stop by. It wasn’t all that late at nearly 8pm, but the days of people just randomly showing up at his home ended with Sunnydale. He made his way over, turning the knob as another knock sounded. As he opened the door, he heaved a deep sigh.
“Buffy.”
Buffy looked at him, instantly seeing the sadness in his eyes. “Are you okay?”
“I’d ask you why you’re here, but I’d hazard to guess that Ethan asked you to come.” He stepped to the side, silently inviting her in.
“What’s going on?” She asked, looking over at Ethan before turning back to Giles.
He gestured towards the sofa, but didn’t move. “Have a seat. I’ll make you a coffee.”
“Giles?” She reached out, placing her hand on his forearm.
“Ethan contacted you…I didn’t.” He stated quietly, pulling away from her and making his way back to the kitchen.
She watched him disappear down the hall and then walked over to the sofa. “What the hell’s going on?”
“I don’t know how to help him on my own.” Ethan said, handing her the letter that Giles had handed to him upon his arrival earlier.
Buffy took the piece of paper and narrowed her eyes. “This…is a doctor’s report.”
Ethan nodded. “Yeah, you should read it.”
Buffy read it quickly. Then she read it again, a bit slower. Her eyes glistened as she suddenly turned and left the room, in search of Giles.
She rushed down the hall and into the kitchen, finding Giles leaning against the counter. He was staring at the coffee press, his arms crossed over his chest. He took a deep breath, but didn’t look at her.
“You weren’t going to tell me?”
“Not yet.” He replied.
“This…” She held up the letter and bit her lip, trying to control her emotions. “This is from an oncologist…”
“Yes, it is.”
“You have cancer…and you didn’t think I had a right to know?”
Giles lifted his head and looked at her, confusing showing in his eyes. “I don’t have cancer. And we’re not together…nor are we friends.”
“Rupert E. Giles.” She said, shaking the letter lightly. “Stage IVB osteosarcoma, metastases in the liver. I can read, Giles!”
“But, you didn’t look at the date of birth.” He replied, staring into her eyes.
She opened her mouth, then closed it…suddenly understanding. Tears filled her eyes as she shook her head. “Elliott?”
He swallowed and reached over, gently pushing the plunger down on the coffee press. “I, uh…I don’t really know what to do.”
“You should have called me. I love him too, Giles. I’ve been in his life since he was six years old. He’s called me ‘Mum’ since he was eight.”
He started to say something, then stopped himself. He nodded in agreement and sighed softly. “I’m sorry, I just…”
He shook his head slowly, as if trying to clear his thoughts, as he poured the coffee into a mug. “My nephew is dying. How am I supposed to tell a twelve year old child that he’s dying?”
“Let me help.” She whispered emotionally. “Please.”
He pushed the mug towards her and met her eyes. He didn’t even bother trying to hide the emotion in his. He just didn’t see the point at the moment.
“You left me, Buffy. If there’s one thing I’m grateful for, it’s the fact that he’s been at the Academy during all of this…upheaval. Of course, he knows you love him…but, he also knows you left.”
“Giles…”
“I’m not sure I can…ask you to help.” He furrowed his brow and lowered his gaze. “It’s too hard. I’m having a difficult time being this close to you…while wanting nothing more than to feel your arms around me. And my focus needs to be on him.”
“You can’t shut me out of this, Giles.”
“Buffy, you’re not his - ”
“Don’t you fucking dare.” She interrupted quickly, jabbing her finger into his chest. “Don’t you dare tell me I’m not his mother. I know that. You’re not his father…does it make you love him any less?”
“He’s twelve, Buffy. He doesn’t understand comfort in a time of distress.” He stated, taking a step back from her.
“I don’t do distressed comfort, Giles.”
Feeling a sudden wave of annoyance rush through him, he snapped his eyes towards her. “You left.”
“I didn’t want to.”
He narrowed his eyes and felt his annoyance slip towards frustration. “If you don’t want to do something, you don’t do it. Saying ‘no’ was enough, Buffy. Saying ‘no’ didn’t necessitate the dissolution of a nearly seven year relationship.”
“Giles…”
He held up his left hand and took a breath that she recognised as him trying to calm himself. “This conversation can’t happen right now.”
He moved past her, pausing at the doorway when he heard her soft admission.
“I’m still in love you. I never stopped loving you.”
He blew out a deep breath, but didn’t turn to look at her.
“Then you shouldn’t have left.”
She stared after him as he left the room, knowing he was right.
He was right about everything.
* * *
Buffy walked into the living room and darted her eyes around before looking at Ethan. “Where is he?”
“He went outside.” He replied, leaning forward slightly on the sofa. “You okay, love?”
“No.” She sighed and sat down next to him. “At first, I thought it was him. I just saw Rupert E. Giles…and then when he told me…”
She looked over at him and shook her head. “He’s only twelve. How is that even fair?”
“It’s not. Not at all.” He said quietly. “I’d be devastated if it were Rupert, but…Elliott? He’s only a child…he should have his entire life ahead of him. When Peter had the accident, Rupert didn’t hesitate. I thought he was insane to be taking in a four year old. But, he was such a natural at it - being a parent. And then you came back and finally Elliott had something he’d never had before.”
He smiled warmly when Buffy looked at him questioningly.
“Two parents who love him.”
“I couldn’t love him anymore if he were mine.” Buffy said, running her finger over the bracelet that Elliott had gotten her for Mother’s Day the previous year.
“He knows that.” Ethan said, gesturing towards the back door with a tilt of his head. “So does he.”
“I fucked things up so badly.”
“Do you want me to talk to him? Let him know that we’ve been talking since you left?”
Buffy shook her head slowly. “I think that would hurt him more than help.”
“Fair enough.” Ethan said, glancing towards the window. “I do think you two need to talk. You’re both miserable. And Elliott needs his parents, so…I’m going to head out.”
Buffy’s eyes widened slightly. “He won’t talk to me…”
“He will if I’m not here. You two need to get a plan of action started.”
Buffy’s eyes lowered. “I don’t even know that he wants me involved in this.”
“He calls you ‘Mum’…” A soft voice said from the other side of the room. “He needs you too.”
Buffy and Ethan both looked over, neither having heard him come back in. Giles shook his head sadly, glancing at a picture on the wall. A picture of the three of them taken a few years previously. Smiles all around…
“But, it can’t be about us, Buffy.” He continued, slowly shifting his gaze back to her. “Not right now.”
Ethan watched them watch each other for a few moments. While he agreed that priority needed to be given to Elliott, these two…they needed to talk, they needed to sort their shit out.
When they both turned to look at him, he smiled and shrugged a shoulder. He tapped his temple and then gestured towards them both.
“My thoughts are accurate. You both know that.”
“Ethan, I told you - ”
“I didn’t talk about it, Rupert. I thought about it. So what if I projected those thoughts to the two of you? But, since it’s obvious that the message was received…” He stood up and slipped his jacket on, taking a step away from them as he continued. “Sort your fucking shit. Both of you. Elliott is going to need both of you…and he needs you together, not separately. You know you’re better together…always have been. Misunderstandings, rash decisions…throwing away happiness is idiotic at best. Sort it out.”
And with that, he turned and walked out of the house. As the latch closed with a soft click, Giles inhaled deeply and lowered himself to the chair across from the sofa. He met Buffy’s eyes and gestured for her to sit down on the sofa. Buffy ran her fingers through her hair and then sat down, looking at him expectantly.
“Do we need to get the whiteboard out?” When he furrowed his brow in confusion, she shrugged a shoulder. “Action plans…you used to like using a whiteboard.”
He stared at her for a long moment. Long enough that she started to feel uneasy.
“Do you really think he’s going to die?” She asked quietly.
He lowered his eyes briefly and cleared his throat. “The fact that it has metastasized and has been found in the liver doesn’t fill me with a great deal of hope.”
“He hasn’t said anything to me. I talk to him at least four times a week.”
“The most he’s said to me is that he’s generally sore and fairly tired. He assumed it was from sport.” He sat back in the chair and rested his right ankle over his left knee. “When the pain didn’t subside, I took him to the doctor - battery of tests…scans…and here we are.”
“When did you get the results?” She asked, not quite sure if she really wanted to hear the answer.
“This afternoon.” He watched her carefully for her reaction, surprised himself that she seemed surprised. “I would have called you tonight at some point, Buffy. I just…I had to work through it without you first. Process what I can, which granted…isn’t much.”
“So…he doesn’t know yet?”
Giles shook his head slowly. “They’ve scheduled him for a consultation day after tomorrow. I’m certain that treatments and prognosis will be discussed at that point. Are, uh…are you available?”
“Absolutely.” She replied with no hesitation. She watched him as he ran his hand over his face, closing his eyes briefly. “You look exhausted.”
“It’s been a trying day.” He said, opening his eyes and meeting her gaze. “I’ll be going on a leave of absence effective tomorrow. I was thinking of asking Charmichael to act as Head. What do you think?”
“I think that’s your call, Giles. I’m just a semi-retired Slayer these days.” Understanding the flash of sadness that he had tried to shield from her, she sighed softly. “Of course, if you’re actually asking my opinion…I think he’s a good choice.”
“I miss you so fucking much.” He whispered, almost inaudibly.
“I thought this conversation wasn’t supposed to be about us.” She replied, tilting her head as she watched him.
“He’s right. Ethan. He’s fucking right…and I hate it.” He muttered, shaking his head in annoyance. “He’s going to need us together…whether we’re together or not.”
He furrowed his brow, trying to follow his own line of thinking. “That made no sense.”
“It did.” Buffy offered a gentle smile. “Whether we’re together or not romantically…Elliott needs us to be unified parentally - we have to be a cohesive unit in order to help him through this. If we’re at odds, we’re not going to be on even ground. Different pages of the same book, and all that jazz.”
“Quite.” Giles responded, obviously impressed.
Buffy rolled her eyes. “I’ve known you for over half of my life. You allowed me into your heart for a good portion of that time. Why would I not understand what you mean?”
“You didn’t have to leave.” He said softly, his eyes a mossier green than usual.
“I panicked.” She replied, then grimaced when she registered how weak that truly sounded.
“It was more than that. You don’t throw away everything we had over a moment’s panic. Not after everything we’ve been through.”
When she lowered her eyes and hesitated in a response, he exhaled a deep breath.
“I’m going to bed. You’re right…I’m exhausted. You’re welcome to stay. You can take our…you can sleep in the master bedroom.”
She looked up as he stood. “No, no…it’s okay. I’ll take the guest room.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets and shook his head gently. “I moved into the guest room after you left.”
“What?”
“I can’t be in there. Everything reminds me of you…of us.”
“Giles…”
He cleared his throat and walked towards the hallway. “Tomorrow is going to be a…fairly shit day. You should probably try to get some sleep.”
And with that, he turned from her and left the room. She sat there and stared at the hallway for ages.
Until the ticking of the clock became too much for her to bear.
* * *
She opened the door to the bedroom and reached inside, flicking on the light as she walked in. Her eyes widened slightly. It was very obvious that he had told her the truth. The bed hadn’t even been remade. The sheets hadn’t been changed, her robe still draped over the foot of the bed. Everything was as it was when she left - with the exception of most of his clothes no longer hanging in the wardrobe.
She sat down on the bed…on the side that had always been his. Her hand trembled lightly when she reached up and touched his pillow. She fought the tears that were threatening to spill down her cheeks. As her fingers curled in the pillowcase, she lost that fight.
* * *
Giles was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. The soft light in the lamp on the bedside table gave a gentle glow within the room. It would have been quite relaxing if he was thinking about anything other than the incomprehensible news of his nephew’s illness and his ex currently sleeping in the room they had shared for nearly seven years. As it were, he couldn’t relax…his mind was racing…and it was taking everything he had to not curl up into a ball and sob uncontrollably.
He swallowed the lump in his throat and closed his eyes against the tears beginning to well. He sighed softly when he heard the door open.
“Are you awake?” Buffy asked quietly.
Giles opened his eyes, nodding as he resumed staring at the ceiling. “Not sure sleep will find me tonight.”
“Can, uh…can I come in?”
He shifted his gaze to her and hesitated for just a moment before replying. “Yes.”
She slowly entered, closing the door behind her. “Can we talk?”
He pushed himself up and leaned back against the headboard. “About?”
She glanced at the chair and pulled it over closer to the bed. She sat down and ran her hand through her hair nervously. “It wasn’t simply because you asked me, Giles. It was everything that moment encompassed. Like…you didn’t understand anything about me if you asked me to marry you. Because you know how I feel about it. But, even though you know how I feel…you still asked - and that made it seem like my feelings didn’t matter at all to you. And if my feelings didn’t matter…how could I stay?”
“Buffy…I didn’t mean - ”
“Please don’t tell me you didn’t mean to ask me. You had everything planned out…perfect words, beautiful ring…that doesn’t happen if you don’t mean it.”
There was no anger in her statement. A fact that didn’t go unnoticed by him.
“No, I meant to ask. I didn’t mean for you to think that your feelings don’t matter. Of course, they matter. I just…” He rubbed the side of his neck and exhaled deeply. “I just love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And…yes, I want to marry you. I want to see you walk down an aisle towards me. I didn’t mean to disrespect you in any way, Buffy. And I’m so sorry that I did. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“But you did.” She whispered, wiping her fingers over her eye.
“I know.” His eyes glistened as he watched her, aching to reach out to pull her to him. “I’m sorry.”
She was quiet for a few moments, as was he. Both staring at one another, waiting for one of them to say something. Taking a deep breath, she broke the silence.
“I miss you too, Giles. I miss you so much.”
He continued staring at her for an uncomfortably long moment. And then he extended his hand towards her. Her eyes darted to his hand and she bit her bottom lip. He nodded in understanding, recognising her hesitation for what it was.
“I’m asking for nothing, Buffy.” He whispered. “I just…I think I really need to hold you right now.”
“Do you need me to hold you?” She asked, just as softly.
A single tear escaped his eye before he could stop it.
“More than you could possibly know.”
She instantly reached out and took hold of his hand, sliding onto the bed next to him. Before she could process anything, his arms were around her…holding her tightly to him.
She shifted just enough to rest her cheek against his chest as she slipped her arms around him. He trembled lightly as her warm breath ghosted over the front of his throat. She listened to his heart change pace, a slight hesitation that normally would have brought a smile to her face.
But, not tonight. Tonight it only reminded her of how much she had missed listening to his heartbeat at night. His hands were still against her back, his right between her shoulder blades…his left a bit lower. At one time, not that long ago, they would have been roaming…sliding under her shirt to heat her bare skin. But, tonight they were just holding her…pressing her against him. She closed her eyes as she heard his heart change pace again…felt his chest shudder…his arms tightened even more around her.
She wanted to tell him that it was going to be okay…that they’d figure everything out, like they always had. But, she knew this was different. And, if she were honest with herself, they hadn’t been very successful in figuring anything out in the past three months. They’d barely even talked…even when it was about business - which is why she had requested to take a step back into semi-retirement.
They couldn’t work together, she couldn’t work with another Watcher - not that she even needed a Watcher any longer, and there were many other Slayers now to fill the gap that she’d leave. He hadn’t even looked up at her after he had finished reading her request. He merely gave a quick nod and said…
“You have to do what you think is best.”
…and then he signed his name and dated the document. Then he pushed the document towards her, stood up, and walked to the door. He paused long enough to wish her well…and then he had left.
Things were not okay at the moment.
So, instead of pretending they were…or that they would be…she tightened her arms around him, curling her fingers into the soft material of the t-shirt he was wearing. And when she heard his soft sob, she held him even tighter.
* * *
Buffy woke up, momentarily confused. She remembered holding Giles as he broke down…she remembered him holding her as she broke down too. She didn’t remember laying down…she didn’t remember falling asleep. But, she very obviously did.
And now, here she was…her head on Giles’ chest, his arm curled protectively around her.
She lifted her head slowly and looked at him, not overly surprised to find him staring at the ceiling. “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
A hint of a smile played at his lips. “It’s quite alright. I…I hope this is okay? Lying here? I didn’t want to wake you.”
“Have you slept at all?”
“No.” He heaved a deep sigh. “I can’t seem to get my mind to stop…or even slow long enough.”
She shifted further to his side, resting her hand on his chest. She looked down as he covered her hand with his.
“Giles…”
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.” He started, closing his eyes briefly as he curled his fingers around her hand. “You were right. Maybe not in leaving, but in being upset and angry with me. Though the situation was paved with good intentions, I should have known better. You’ve never made a secret of how you feel about marriage - and me asking you wasn’t fair to you. I’m so very sorry, Buffy.”
He cleared his throat and removed his hand from hers. “If I could go back, I’d do things differently. I’d ask you to spend the rest of my life with me, that would be no different…I’d present you with a ring…but, there would be no mention of marriage. A piece of paper isn’t needed, I realise that.”
“No…it never was.” She agreed softly. “And I shouldn’t have left. I should have come back…yelled some more, thrown a couple of things…but, I should have come back.”
“Why didn’t you?” He asked, swallowing thickly.
“Same reason you didn’t ask me to.”
He slowly turned his head towards her. His hand trembled as he lifted it to her cheek. “If I were to ask you now?”
“Is that what you’re - ”
He cut her off quickly with a kiss. A soft kiss to her lips that escalated as she responded. He rolled onto his side, facing her…a groan rumbling in his chest as his tongue slipped between her lips. As the kiss deepened further, she gripped the front of his shirt in her fist. He started to roll her onto her back, but she held him firm and pulled from the kiss.
“Giles, hold on…”
He pulled back slightly to look at her, but didn’t move otherwise. Buffy loosened her grip on his shirt and took a deep breath.
“What is this? Is this a declaration…a confirmation…desperation…” She furrowed her brow. “That’s a lot of -tions, but you know what I mean. Comfort? Distressed comfort…that’s what you said earlier, right?”
“I’m sure there’s probably an element of all of those involved…and probably even more. But, that doesn’t lessen what I’m feeling, Buffy.”
“And what’s that?” She asked quietly.
He looked at her for a moment and then licked his suddenly dry lips. “Please, come home.”
“Giles, we’re both in a pretty vulnerable - ”
“I love you. I’ve never once stopped loving you. Christ, I wanted to be so angry…I tried, I failed miserably. I wanted to come after you…beg you to come back, but I couldn’t.” He swallowed, tenderly rubbing his thumb over her cheek. “Yes, I’m vulnerable…you’re vulnerable. But, that doesn’t negate the depth of love I feel for you.”
She was quiet for a long minute and then sighed. “If Elliott wasn’t sick, would we be here right now?”
“No.” He admitted sadly. “But, only because it’s not Friday.”
“Huh?” She narrowed her eyes in confusion.
“Ethan. We go to the pub on Fridays…have a couple of drinks, throw some darts…share a joint sometimes. He’s been badgering me for a couple of weeks. I feel certain that he would have forced me to talk to you this week.”
“Forced?”
“Only in that he would have called your number then shoved the phone at me. Make me take that first step…because it’s the most terrifying one.”
“I called him two days after I left.” She blurted out, continuing quickly when Giles’ eyes widened. “I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I’d made a huge mistake, but I couldn’t just say ‘hey, Giles…I was wrong’. We’ve been talking a fair bit since…”
“How did he convince you to come tonight? Or…last night, as it were.”
“He sent me a text message.”
He lowered his eyes and scoffed lightly. “I can only imagine what that consisted of.”
“He needs you.”
His eyes snapped back to hers. “That’s all he said?”
“That’s all he had to say.” She replied, sliding her hand to the side of his neck. “I want to come home, Giles. But…but, only if you’re really sure.”
“I want you home.” He whispered. “I need you home. Elliott needs his mum here.”
“Elliott…” Her eyes glistened. “Does Peter know?”
Giles curled his right arm under his head and slid his left hand down to her waist. “I…called. He listened…somewhat. At least, I think he did.”
“Not a good day?”
“No.” He sighed heavily. “His good days are getting fewer and further between, it seems.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It is what it is. But, thank you. At least he doesn’t seem to be in much pain.”
“Eight years is a long time.” She said, rubbing her thumb along the bottom of his jaw.
“It is. I’m not sure that Elliott even remembers his dad…well, what he was like before the accident.”
“I wish I’d known him. I always loved listening to the stories you’d tell Elliott about him.”
Giles smiled briefly, then rolled onto his back. Buffy saw the sadness in his eyes before he could shield her from it.
“Hey…”
“I never thought that I’d have no one to tell stories to about my family. Of course…I never thought that I’d be the last one standing. I was a Watcher on a fucking Hellmouth…who had a tendency to get bashed about the head on a regular basis. Peter was an accountant. Who should have been in more danger of dying early? And Elliott…” Giles’ jaw clenched. “He’s but a child. I never thought I’d be a father…and I guess I’m not, but…”
“You are.” She disagreed. “Look, you may not be his biological father, but…you love him as your son. You treat him as your son…and god, he loves you. You are everything to him. You’re his hero, Giles.”
“I doubt that, but there is much love there without question.”
Buffy propped her head up with her left hand and rested her right on his chest. “Do you know what he told me a couple of weeks ago?”
Giles thought for a moment and then shook his head. “No…I don’t.”
Buffy smiled warmly. “When he was younger, he didn’t understand why his parents chose Rupert as his first name. ‘Why would they name me after my uncle? That’s just weird.’ That’s what he said he used to think. But, then he realised that they named him after the bravest, kindest, smartest, and funniest man…a man who gave up everything to save the world more than once. ‘They gave me his name because he’s the most amazing guy ever.’”
She leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. “Tell me you’re not his hero.”
“He’s amazing in his own right. He’s been through so much already…he’s taught me so much about everything.” He took a deep breath and studiously stared at the ceiling. “I wish I had more…”
He paused and closed his eyes against the sudden tears. Buffy moved quickly, sliding her arm over him and holding him as she rested her head against his shoulder. His arm curled around her, pressing her tightly against him as he fought to get his emotions under control.
“I’m so tired.” He murmured softly. “Mentally, physically, emotionally…I don’t even know how I’m still functioning on any level.”
“Roll over.” She whispered, kissing his chin as she pushed herself up.
“Hm?” He turned his head to look at her, allowing his arm to loosen its hold on her.
“You need sleep, Giles. Roll over.”
“Ah, Buffy…you don’t - ”
“You can either roll over or I can roll you over, your choice.” She interrupted, raising an eyebrow at him.
He sighed heavily and rolled onto his stomach, resting his forehead on his folded arms. “This isn’t necessary.”
She knelt next to him and leaned over, carefully sliding her hands up his back on either side of his spine. He groaned softly when she found a deep knot between his shoulder blades. She worked it out quickly, smiling as the knot unravelled and he gave a sigh of relief. She continued up, fingers rubbing against the back of his neck before slipping into his hair.
He tensed for a moment and then exhaled a deep breath as she started rubbing small circles over his scalp. The turmoil of the past few months had done nothing to ease the tightness…but her persistent touch was doing an extremely amazing job - as always. He sighed deeply as his scalp began to loosen.
She smiled as he yawned. “Okay?”
“Mm.” He murmured sleepily. “Buffy?”
“Yeah?”
“How much more shit sorting do we need to do?”
Her fingers paused for a split second. “We’ve been doing fairly well, I think. We have a few boxes to throw out already.”
He chuckled and she smiled, surprised at the sound she hadn’t heard in months.
He was quiet for a couple of minutes. Quiet enough that she wondered if he had already fallen asleep.
“Please forgive me, Buffy.” He whispered. “Please come back to me.”
“I forgave you months ago, Giles.” She replied, her thumbs caressing the base of his skull. “I’ve been having trouble forgiving myself.”
He turned his head towards her, opening his eyes and staring at her. She gasped at the emotions she saw swirling within…the green of his irises seeming much brighter in the soft light of the room.
“I love you so deeply, Buffy. Please…please come home.”
She nodded slowly. “Okay.”
He smiled lovingly at her, his eyes beginning to droop. She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his temple.
“Sleep, love. We’ll work out the details later.”
“Mm…much more important issues first.” He replied, his words slurring slightly with sleep.
Buffy watched Giles as he drifted into sleep. A tear rolled down her face as she thought about Elliott - the young boy who had taught her what being a mother meant. Giles had taught her about love…true love, honest love. Giles was an amazing father…that hadn’t surprised her at all. But, what did surprise her was the thought that she truly believed she’d been a pretty good mum. And it wasn’t fair that their familial unit was being dismantled so tragically.
She’d suggest talking to the Powers or researching some mystical healing spells - but, she also knew that chances were high that her suggestions would be declined. The Powers tended not to get involved when it came to medical ailments in humans - because that was the natural progression of life.
But, she knew that she would still suggest it.
But, not now…not yet. First things first…
Tomorrow, or later today as it were, they’ll talk to Elliott together. They’ll bring him home from the Academy and they’ll be honest with him. The next morning, they’ll take him to the oncologist…and hopefully be given more information.
Giles snored softly next to her. She looked down at him and her lips quirked into a half-smile.
Tomorrow was going to be rough. She shook her head at that thought. ‘Rough’ didn’t even begin to scratch the surface. She was sure that there wasn’t an actual word to describe what tomorrow was going to be.
But, she knew that the three of them would work through it together.
Like they always had in the past.
Chapter 2: Coming Home
This entry was originally posted at https://froxyn.dreamwidth.org/356214.html. However, you can comment here or there...I'm still around! :)