Fuck you, penis! FUCK YOU
So.
I wouldn't say that I'm a proper feminist. I don't know enough of the particulars to be a proper feminist, and honestly I don't want to know the particulars when they just make me furious. Granted, I know a lot of people would say "But if you're angry, you should speak up! If you feel strongly about it, try to make a difference!", and that is certainly the most admirable path to take. Perhaps one day, when I am wealthy and lazy, I will take up some flag like that. At the moment, however, I am just a person who is concerned with finishing an undergraduate course of study and preparing for medical school while also trying to keep from totally freaking out from stress.
Nonetheless, I do like to rant.
While I might not be a proper feminist, I am fiercely defensive. I don't know if it's from being a psychology major or what, but I tend to be very chill about people. I try to be very democratic in my opinions and decisions, which I know can be irritating to people... but I try to keep an open mind to different positions and opinions and ways of life. There's a LOT that I can overlook or rationalize... but discrimination is NOT one of them.
So I find it incredibly frustrating and infuriating that, just because I do not have the elusive and mystical peen, I will always be a victim. I will always have to be careful of who I am with and when and where, because if something happens to me in a park when I'm alone, people will talk about my stupid decision. I will need to accept the fact that I have a one in four chance of being abused by a spouse or boyfriend, if I choose to have one. And I will have to accept that I will NEVER make the same amount as a man who is doing the exact same job as me.
To be honest, the last thing is what angers me the most. I watch so many forensic and crime shows (real ones, based on real cases, mind you) that I've made myself sufficiently paranoid, and I'm not particularly inclined to find a significant other at any point in the near future. However, my father has instilled some serious economics in my head, and as a result I positively FUME about money.
How, in modern America, is this even fucking possible?? Why is my work and effort and time only worth 75% of what a man's is worth? Thank god that somehow we managed to close the gender gap a bit next year and actually get to spot number 19. But NINETEEN? Oh wow, impressive, country that likes to proclaim how fair and just and democratic everything is. If Scandinavia wasn't so friggin cold, I'd totally pack up and move there. Maybe this wouldn't be such a big deal to me if I was just planning on marrying well and having a second income to help my household, but most of my plans and thoughts about the future are just me raking in the dough... and I thoroughly expect to rake it in. I better, with all the stress and time I've put myself through getting to med school... and I know I haven't even done the hard stuff yet. That's still to come. I'm going to be over a quarter of a million dollars in debt and I'm going to be working my ass off every minute of the way. I will be 30 by the time I am a fully certified physician, and I would like to think that I will have earned the money I am warranted from the emotional, mental, and monetary investments I made.
So when I open my Social Psychology book and look at a graph saying "Weekly Salary for the Same Job as a Function of Gender" and there, listed across from Physicians/Surgeons, it says that I will make $681 less a week.... so $35,412 a year... how am I supposed to feel about all my effort?
Because "shit" is how I feel right now.
I wouldn't say that I'm a proper feminist. I don't know enough of the particulars to be a proper feminist, and honestly I don't want to know the particulars when they just make me furious. Granted, I know a lot of people would say "But if you're angry, you should speak up! If you feel strongly about it, try to make a difference!", and that is certainly the most admirable path to take. Perhaps one day, when I am wealthy and lazy, I will take up some flag like that. At the moment, however, I am just a person who is concerned with finishing an undergraduate course of study and preparing for medical school while also trying to keep from totally freaking out from stress.
Nonetheless, I do like to rant.
While I might not be a proper feminist, I am fiercely defensive. I don't know if it's from being a psychology major or what, but I tend to be very chill about people. I try to be very democratic in my opinions and decisions, which I know can be irritating to people... but I try to keep an open mind to different positions and opinions and ways of life. There's a LOT that I can overlook or rationalize... but discrimination is NOT one of them.
So I find it incredibly frustrating and infuriating that, just because I do not have the elusive and mystical peen, I will always be a victim. I will always have to be careful of who I am with and when and where, because if something happens to me in a park when I'm alone, people will talk about my stupid decision. I will need to accept the fact that I have a one in four chance of being abused by a spouse or boyfriend, if I choose to have one. And I will have to accept that I will NEVER make the same amount as a man who is doing the exact same job as me.
To be honest, the last thing is what angers me the most. I watch so many forensic and crime shows (real ones, based on real cases, mind you) that I've made myself sufficiently paranoid, and I'm not particularly inclined to find a significant other at any point in the near future. However, my father has instilled some serious economics in my head, and as a result I positively FUME about money.
How, in modern America, is this even fucking possible?? Why is my work and effort and time only worth 75% of what a man's is worth? Thank god that somehow we managed to close the gender gap a bit next year and actually get to spot number 19. But NINETEEN? Oh wow, impressive, country that likes to proclaim how fair and just and democratic everything is. If Scandinavia wasn't so friggin cold, I'd totally pack up and move there. Maybe this wouldn't be such a big deal to me if I was just planning on marrying well and having a second income to help my household, but most of my plans and thoughts about the future are just me raking in the dough... and I thoroughly expect to rake it in. I better, with all the stress and time I've put myself through getting to med school... and I know I haven't even done the hard stuff yet. That's still to come. I'm going to be over a quarter of a million dollars in debt and I'm going to be working my ass off every minute of the way. I will be 30 by the time I am a fully certified physician, and I would like to think that I will have earned the money I am warranted from the emotional, mental, and monetary investments I made.
So when I open my Social Psychology book and look at a graph saying "Weekly Salary for the Same Job as a Function of Gender" and there, listed across from Physicians/Surgeons, it says that I will make $681 less a week.... so $35,412 a year... how am I supposed to feel about all my effort?
Because "shit" is how I feel right now.