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Ever just feel like blah? Just don't know how to collect yourself and how to focus? All i want to do is go home. Ever hear words that are supposed to cause an emotion but you just don't even care? you hear them but you don't let yourself feel them because it might hurt, or simply because you can't handle to feel anything. i know they say don't let the man get you down. but when soooo many people around you are the man, you can't help but get down. people anticipate a smile, and sometimes you just can't mold anything left in you into anything for them. what is it about some people that just causes me to think and think and think? maybe it's so hard to trust people because i forgot how to believe in myself. i have silent expectations for people. we all do. but when those expecatations don't even begin with the same letter as what's reality sometimes it's easier to go ahead and give up. get up. and move on. sometimes you just know someone is going to hurt you. often this starts off with being hurt when you let them in on you. it sometimes works that way. but you go ahead and ignore yourself. i'm good at ignoring myself. and then i hear "i wish you thought more of yourself" ...ouch... where do i put that? in my back pocket? twist me. it's so easy to value others over youself. especially when you feel like you don't have much value at all. everything is knocking at my door. and so i go ahead and escape. i'm a professional at that. escaping. you get mad when others cheat you but really you've always cheated yourself. confidence. what's that? normal. what the heck is normal? go ahead and twist me. i've twisted myself. it's the one game i'll always win.