48 centimetres
The first time I saw her, I felt the ultimate fusion of emotions. My hands went numb, my knees went weak and my head went a-spinning. My whole system was shocked and confused. I walked away in abstraction, wanting to catch my breath, wanting to admit that THIS is the REAL world, wanting to look at her again. I felt constipated and dehydrated at the same time and going to the loo seemed like the only reasonable thing to do.
The feel of cold water splashed on my face was electrifying. It felt like being slapped by a certain "LM" (captain of the high school varsity team, killer spiker) which meant I was back to almost-sane mode again. I saw my pale 19-year-old reflection and digressed on the moles that popped out of nowhere for a while. My mobile phone screamed Oink Oink, just before things became too creepy (erm, right). The number was unregistered but the message was a very hyper:
LENG!Ü I HEARD! CONGRATS!Ü HOW U FILNG?! HOP UR NT SCARED!Ü REPLY SA PHONE KO! Ü
With a smirked etched on my face, I thought, "Weirdo... why the hell would I be scared?" The answer came faster than the much anticipated August rain. I saw my reflection and fell silent on how vulnerable it looked. The moles said it all. I've been scared for the longest time and I knew it.
I was afraid that she might take my mother away from me and my brother. I was afraid that I'd be completely ignored once she steps out. I was afraid that one look can shatter the invisible blanket of tranquility that covered her delicate body. I was afraid that if she saw me as my eyes burned in ominous sensation, she'll never look at me and I'd ruin my chances of gaining her trust. I was afraid that I'll never be the sister she'd want me to be. I was afraid of not being responsible enough. I was afraid of HER and what she'd do to the humanity, period.
I WAS AFRAID... but not anymore. It was easy to overcome the fear, especially when you're as curious as a cat. Like a menacing five-year old I went back and stole another glimpse at the child. I was about to walk away when she looked at me and everything felt like a slow-motion-scene from a sappy high budget dramedy. I held her gaze and thought of only one thing.
Meet my beautiful baby sister. c",)
Isn't she lovely? c",)