I think I just wasted three years and thousands...
Today has been one of the worst I've had in a long time... it doesn't help that is is also my 47th birthday.
Maybe this is showing me that yes, I made a huge mistake and wasted 3 years and thousands of dollars trying to get a degree. I totally blew a statistics quiz... not even one answer to show for my efforts and I even got a tutor for this class. Then after spending two weeks studying and practicing for my chemistry exam I forgot everything the second I sat down. Maybe I am too old.
I'm so tired of everything. I'm tired of working so hard with nothing to show for it, I'm tired of dealing with the inconsiderate children, I'm tired of trying to be happy and upbeat, I'm tired of nothing going right, I'm tired of being lonely and alone, I'm tired trying to help people and not even getting a smile, let alone a thank you... I'm tried of not being able to sleep... I'm just tired of trying and getting nowhere.
I've spent most of the day crying and I'm not even sure I want to go to class tomorrow and face the teacher. I got a 97 on the last test and I'm sure this one is less than half that. I just don't want to do this anymore. I got into Nutrition because I wanted to help people and right now I'm not really sure I like people. I keep trying to talk myself believing it will get better but it's not. I tried blaming my down mood on PMS but that has come and gone and I still hate it here. I can't transfer without adding even more debt and time to do the same thing someplace else. I don't even know if it's going to be worth it... If I want to finish on time I have to do at least on class over the summer and they way it's going probably more than that.
I keep finding myself missing my old job and my apartment in PA. I might not have been happy but at least I wasn't miserable. I had enough money that I could treat myself occasionally and I genuinely liked the people I worked with. Here I have maybe 2 other students that talk to me and one creepy stalker dude.
I'm ready to say fuck it all withdraw and go home... it's only 5 more weeks but then summer classes start and I'm going to have to try and jam 15 weeks work of lectures and lab for Biochemistry into 6 and a half weeks, that's if I can get permission to take it away from campus because there aren't giving any of the classes I need over the summer but the community college near my parent's place is. I want this over...
Seriously... I was having palpitations and dizzy spells during the test. I wasn't the only one in the ladies room in tears and I heard several other students that were feeling just as lost as I was... this teacher is usually really good, I have no idea why this test went so badly or why I'm so frustrated I want to give up.
Maybe this is showing me that yes, I made a huge mistake and wasted 3 years and thousands of dollars trying to get a degree. I totally blew a statistics quiz... not even one answer to show for my efforts and I even got a tutor for this class. Then after spending two weeks studying and practicing for my chemistry exam I forgot everything the second I sat down. Maybe I am too old.
I'm so tired of everything. I'm tired of working so hard with nothing to show for it, I'm tired of dealing with the inconsiderate children, I'm tired of trying to be happy and upbeat, I'm tired of nothing going right, I'm tired of being lonely and alone, I'm tired trying to help people and not even getting a smile, let alone a thank you... I'm tried of not being able to sleep... I'm just tired of trying and getting nowhere.
I've spent most of the day crying and I'm not even sure I want to go to class tomorrow and face the teacher. I got a 97 on the last test and I'm sure this one is less than half that. I just don't want to do this anymore. I got into Nutrition because I wanted to help people and right now I'm not really sure I like people. I keep trying to talk myself believing it will get better but it's not. I tried blaming my down mood on PMS but that has come and gone and I still hate it here. I can't transfer without adding even more debt and time to do the same thing someplace else. I don't even know if it's going to be worth it... If I want to finish on time I have to do at least on class over the summer and they way it's going probably more than that.
I keep finding myself missing my old job and my apartment in PA. I might not have been happy but at least I wasn't miserable. I had enough money that I could treat myself occasionally and I genuinely liked the people I worked with. Here I have maybe 2 other students that talk to me and one creepy stalker dude.
I'm ready to say fuck it all withdraw and go home... it's only 5 more weeks but then summer classes start and I'm going to have to try and jam 15 weeks work of lectures and lab for Biochemistry into 6 and a half weeks, that's if I can get permission to take it away from campus because there aren't giving any of the classes I need over the summer but the community college near my parent's place is. I want this over...
Seriously... I was having palpitations and dizzy spells during the test. I wasn't the only one in the ladies room in tears and I heard several other students that were feeling just as lost as I was... this teacher is usually really good, I have no idea why this test went so badly or why I'm so frustrated I want to give up.