(no subject)
Scarlet Johansson by Sheryl Nields
SO CUTE.
I didn't have time or money to finish up my Aeon Flux costume, so I'm kind of stuck with nothing. I started thinking about things I could do and I was suddenly very embarassed by how easily I could put together and eighties Desperatly Seeking Susan (good god I love that movie) era Madonna costume. Hillarious.
And now for the stream
I'm in a very good, honest place right now with me. I feel comfortable with my insecurities right now, which I guess negates them as insecurities, doesn't it?
People are so forgiving. I've never given them enough credit for that. My need for perfection and success is all internal. My friends expect nothing from me, except me.
That feels good.
Thank you guys.
Though I'd like to spread out. I'd like to make new friends here in Savannah. Sebastian and me were discussing how strange it is that I could easily find a new significant other, but it's proving very difficult to find people who just want to be friends. I don't know if that's isolated to Savannah or what. I want people who will sit in my living room and play Soul Calibur with me or make pasta and watch Desperately Seeking Susan. I want to create things and share them with friends.
The underwhelming excess of nightlife, here, there or anywhere is just that these days, underwhelming. Small talk is too small to fill me up.
When I first started going out it was mostly to raves. I never went to clubs until raves fizzled out and that was only in hopes of replacing that feeling of camaraderie and the non-judgmental sense of love. It's a totally different feeling through. Clubs were only fun when I had my core group of real friends, and we could openly turn our club selves on and off. Really the whole night was about the ride home, or the greasy diner food afterwards. It came so easily; all of it and the rewards were immediate. The only time I came close to finding any of that feeling again was in New York, and only here and there. All of those creative people in one place, brought together by the city. Tons of people willing to accept you, weather your wearing pantyhose on your head or seven pairs of eyelashes. It rang true in a lot of circles, though the camaraderie was more often competition. Once you put your energy into the competition, you loose even the chance of camaraderie. Reality can't breath under those circumstances. It's can't exists. There is no creation of anything, only the destruction of others.
And you meet a hundred people in one night but know absolutely none of them.
Scaring or wowing people into accepting you is not friendship.
It's hard to explain if you haven't been caught up in it. From the outside the whole thing looks like nonsense, because it is.
Why would you be friends with someone you're not friends with?
Nonsense.
(We'll try to ignore how hard that is to defend here on the internet.)
It's not to say I'll abandon any of that. There were always positives that weighed. Like I said, wearing pantyhose on your head and seven pairs of eyelashes-always a good time. For self-expression, not self-promotion. I just have to make sure it's for the right reasons. Have to make sure that my energy goes towards the people who matter.
(there there baby it's just textbook stuff/it's in the abc's of growing up)
I'm still feeling a strange pull toward Britain. I'd like to be overseas again.
Unfortunately, I'm not going to Japan as planned. SCAD was continually adding on fees here and there until the total for the trip, for two weeks in Japan was going to be about $7000. No. I'm not kidding. $7000 to go to Japan, do school work and hang out with people I'm not really friends with. I'm sure they're nice enough, but their priorities for the trip would be totally different then mine. I would be interested in finding the alternative, the underground and staying out until the trains start running again. I want to wander and eat things I can't pronounce and take trains to temples and bask in the calm and the chaos. That's the experience I would want-and for $7000 I'd better get it! But it's all right. With Roscoe and Sam planning to move there within the next year, I'll get there. For cheaper and with people I really love.
I've had a lot of invitations to L.A., but I'm more interested in being over the pond. Out of America.
A backpack and a train ticket.
Anybody up for it?
I think I'm finally to a point where I wouldn't mind living out of a backpack.
Thanks for reading.
Oh, and! Trina-still interested in Katsu? Let me know. I'm going to start looking into costs!
And one more of super precious Jessica Stam:
