Zombie Watch!
I decided to start a new column about the very real zombie threat present in our every day lives. This is a very serious issue facing the world today and a subject in which most Americans remain woefully uninformed. For some time now I have been corresponding with a mysterious figure simply known by the letter E. This character has access to a plethora of highly classified material concerning the undead and with my help wants to alert the public to "the single greatest threat facing humanity today." I don't know much about this person, only what is necessary, and out of concern for their safety I will not divulge even the limited knowledge I have including our methods of communication so do not ask. I will reiterate that this subject is to be taken seriously and remind you that E would be in grave peril if his/her identity were to be compromised. Below is an introduction to "Undead Menace" a blend of journal entries, eye witness interviews, and personal commentary written and compiled by E. This is the first of E's work that I have been permitted to post. I've been asked to commit the rest to memory and then destroy it.
-Joel
The following is the introduction to "Undead Menace" a zombie compilation written by codename E. It appears here in its original form.
I have been silent for far too long. I have allowed my passion for undead entertainment to blind me to the cold, terrifying truth. I have had my reasons for holding my tongue but when the first inkling of my suspicions began to be confirmed I should have spoken up then. The sub-genre of film that George A. Romero first revolutionized in 1968 has captivated me for more than a decade. Even in this state of self-loathing and regret I cling to those precious memories; flashbulb moments ingrained into my heart and mind, revered as staples of cinematic horror, iconic images scorched permanently across my frontal lobe. And how could they not be? I was seduced by the sheer audacity of the idea. A walking dead plague? It was ludicrous although not without an edge of fascination. An undead army of flesh-eating automatons driven by pure, unyielding instinct. Terrifying. If bitten by one of these creatures the human body is ultimately powerless against infection and will shortly succumb to death followed even more briefly by reanimation. Reanimation? Some cringe at the term while others can only stare dumbfounded, it is a concept to horrible and wretched to fathom let alone accept as fact.
Infection, Death, Reanimation.
An entity driven by an insatiable appetite for murder and the taste of flesh. A creature that has no discernable will, a being that can not relent on a mission to exterminate the human race through rabid consumption. An enemy that blindly hunts its prey only to infect the kill with the same virus that drives its own insane urge to murder and feast.
Disgusting.
And that is possibly the most terrifying prospect of all; the rapid decline of brain function and the unstoppable loss of self, to decay into that which has just attacked in such a monstrous fashion and to know that you too will transform into this enemy; a ghoul comprised of nothing more than homicidal rage and cannibalistic fervor.
That is pure terror.
It is that terror that propels my shocking admission, a revelation that I can no longer conceal because a primal fear compels me to take the necessary steps to ensure survival.
My friends, the living dead are among us…although they are not yet as prevalent as our fantastic films may depict. Many of you will no doubt be skeptical, that is to be expected. Why would you believe such a claim? I know that I didn't and I regret every moment that I toiled in ignorance. Through my research I have discovered that the undead menace is much more problematic and sinister than even the most convincing Hollywood attempt would lead us to believe. At the moment the wide world enjoys relative safety from a plague of walking dead but bubbling beneath our global society a toxic dose of reanimates is teeming.
Perhaps it would be best for me to provide a brief overview. Understand however that certain details of my knowledge will have to remain securely within the confines of my own cranium lest I risk the wrath of those I seek to expose.
In short, there exists an organization within our government that conducts research and experiments concerning the undead more popularly referred to as zombies. This organization which will remain nameless for the time being is merely a satellite for a larger global entity. In our own country this group masquerades as a Defense Department contractor officially listed as advisors specializing in "innovative and alternative modern warfare technologies". If your body just shuddered upon reading that sentence then I am left to surmise that you now have your finger on the pulse of what I'm about to reveal next.
This group is experimenting with reanimated corpses in the hope of finding a tactical application for their rather inhumane modus operandi. The specifics are sketchy but I have been able to confirm that the United States chapter of this shadowy organization has placed an emphasis on the development of a method to exert control over the nature of their subjects. Unfortunately these disturbing experiments have been met with success and the reinsertion of the undead into ordinary society has already begun. Understand that these zombies will not appear as your typical undead flesh eater, remember they have been designed to be controlled and to the untrained eye or uniformed citizen these time bombs would appear no more threatening than the paper boy. In fact the scope to which these creatures are being controlled is a point of much speculation. It is clear that this organization has found a way to mute the zombies craving of human flesh. It is also evident that they have some how managed to provide these specimen with intelligence on par with the average human including the ability to use speech.
There is also evidence to suggest that the zombies actively, albeit unbeknownst to them, transmit data to this organization by both auditory and visual means. Some believe that nano-technology has been employed in the manipulation of the reanimated corpse and argue that a central device controls all vital operations. However, solid facts regarding their methods and technologies remain scant and much of what I and others have concluded in this area is partly guesswork.
It is my personal belief that these zombies are being used to conduct reconnaissance missions, a sort of information gather exercise. I have gathered extensive research on this topic and from that data I have deduced that these zombies are part of a world wide conspiracy to breed and subsequently control a very literal undead army. It is my worst fear that the same technology that controls these monstrosities can also be utilized to synchronize global mass murders. A number of my colleagues have argued against this theory suggesting that such well planned and expensive infiltration practices would make little sense if ones final aim was as crude as death and destruction. Yet, I remain beset with a feeling of impending doom.
We do not yet know enough about the nature of such a project to accurately say just what this organization truly aims to accomplish through twisted experiments with the undead. But the undead are among us and we must be aware of that fact. If only you continue to heed my words I can teach you how to identify these creatures and how best to defend yourself and loved ones against a zombie onslaught. Indeed from my writing you may just find everything you need to know about the undead among us.
At the onset of this introduction I stated that I had been silent for far too long and now that you know the basics it's time to begin exposing members of the undead army. It may shock some of you to know that not all of these reanimates are trifling about as common members of the citizenry. Quite the contrary, there are many high profile individuals who swell the ranks of the walking virus.
I have names and for the first time I am prepared to go public with my findings.
Be on the watch.