home on leave......
feel the most unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach like something has gone horribly wrong and there is no way to fix it. i don't even think that i would want to....i'm married now and maybe that is just the way i should feel, i don't really even know. i feel as though the one person i should know and that should know me i do not. i wonder if she knows me, i want to find out. i want to know for sure. leaving for 12 months and will not be able to see her. don't even know if i can trust her. i say i can. she has never given me reason to not. i want to know that everything is good. i want to be able to make her smile and make all of her dreams come true. then maybe this pain would leave my soul and i could move on in my life. the tips of my fingers are numb with every stroke of the keyboard, unplaced..... my words fumbling on themselves. i removed all the friends from my list i hope that no one hears these words i just wanted to be able to read them to myself. i want to find my soul and i know that it will be sleeping next to me tonight, why cant i make her smile like he does....