(no subject)
Still on the Rock, oh no! Plus our wireless connection is down so now I have to do my porn-finding on my parents computers, inconvenient.
Wills and I just watched the Expendables - OH MY GOD that is a shit film. I had to literally beg Buzz Lighthair to lend it to us (he got it for Christmas and hasn't seen it yet) because it had Mickey Rourke in and I can only rewatch Iron Man 2 so many times before it becomes unhealthy, and OH GOD I cannot express how much it sucks!
First of all, Sylvester Stallone has had like, MONSTROUSLY UNSUCCESSFUL plastic surgery - his head is twice as big as a normal head, his eyebrows are painted on, and one of his eyes is a full inch higher than the other one. Also, the only bit of his face that still moves is the left hand side of his lower lip. Imagine if Sloth from the Goonies had had reconstructive surgery - that's what he looks like now. I swear to God, near the end, I was expecting him to just peel off his whole body to reveal Sloth's face and a Superman shirt, then he'd point at himself and go "SLOTH!" and then save the day. And that would have been about a gazillion times better than the actual movie. The best acting in the whole film is when Generic Spunky Latina managing not to totally wig out when Stallone and his Elephant Man-shaped head try to smile at her. Kudos to you, Generic Spunky Latina.
Secondly, Mickey Rourke is in it for like, two seconds. So are Bruce Willis and the Terminator, in case any of you were planning to watch it for those dudes. But they're positioned on the front cover as if they play major roles, when in fact Elephant Man Head and Jason Statham (who is so utterly blahsome in that I decline to make up an insulting nickname for him) are the main guys. UTTER FAIL. Literally, the best part of the movie was William and I deciding on all the scenes that would be improved if Mickey Rourke had been in them and what kind of epic hat he would be wearing.
Thirdly, the whole thing with Mickey Rourke (or The Rourke, as he will now be referred to) in this film was that he had these huge knives for throwin', and all the way through Wills and I were waiting for The Rourke to show up and just be like a bajillion times cooler than all of those other gimps, and right at the end one of the main evil dudes (might have been Stone Cold Steve Astin, might have been the dad from Monster Squad, I cannot remember due to excessive lamitude) is taunting Elephant Man Head by threatening Generic Spunky Latina and then this fuck-off massive knife comes bursting through his chest and Wills and I were like, "THE ROURKE!" but no, it was just Jason Statham being a fucking gimpodile like always.
In conclusion: The Expendables is ENTIRELY LAME, and I am going to watch the Losers again now and maybe read me some Iron Man 2 porn. OH THE ROURKE!
Wills and I just watched the Expendables - OH MY GOD that is a shit film. I had to literally beg Buzz Lighthair to lend it to us (he got it for Christmas and hasn't seen it yet) because it had Mickey Rourke in and I can only rewatch Iron Man 2 so many times before it becomes unhealthy, and OH GOD I cannot express how much it sucks!
First of all, Sylvester Stallone has had like, MONSTROUSLY UNSUCCESSFUL plastic surgery - his head is twice as big as a normal head, his eyebrows are painted on, and one of his eyes is a full inch higher than the other one. Also, the only bit of his face that still moves is the left hand side of his lower lip. Imagine if Sloth from the Goonies had had reconstructive surgery - that's what he looks like now. I swear to God, near the end, I was expecting him to just peel off his whole body to reveal Sloth's face and a Superman shirt, then he'd point at himself and go "SLOTH!" and then save the day. And that would have been about a gazillion times better than the actual movie. The best acting in the whole film is when Generic Spunky Latina managing not to totally wig out when Stallone and his Elephant Man-shaped head try to smile at her. Kudos to you, Generic Spunky Latina.
Secondly, Mickey Rourke is in it for like, two seconds. So are Bruce Willis and the Terminator, in case any of you were planning to watch it for those dudes. But they're positioned on the front cover as if they play major roles, when in fact Elephant Man Head and Jason Statham (who is so utterly blahsome in that I decline to make up an insulting nickname for him) are the main guys. UTTER FAIL. Literally, the best part of the movie was William and I deciding on all the scenes that would be improved if Mickey Rourke had been in them and what kind of epic hat he would be wearing.
Thirdly, the whole thing with Mickey Rourke (or The Rourke, as he will now be referred to) in this film was that he had these huge knives for throwin', and all the way through Wills and I were waiting for The Rourke to show up and just be like a bajillion times cooler than all of those other gimps, and right at the end one of the main evil dudes (might have been Stone Cold Steve Astin, might have been the dad from Monster Squad, I cannot remember due to excessive lamitude) is taunting Elephant Man Head by threatening Generic Spunky Latina and then this fuck-off massive knife comes bursting through his chest and Wills and I were like, "THE ROURKE!" but no, it was just Jason Statham being a fucking gimpodile like always.
In conclusion: The Expendables is ENTIRELY LAME, and I am going to watch the Losers again now and maybe read me some Iron Man 2 porn. OH THE ROURKE!