random thoughts of the night
its not fair for all this to hit me all ot once
my mother has been nagging me to clean my room, so i started by clearing off a card table i have in the corner of my room, and organizing all the college stuff i have. on one of my trips out of my room, i mentioned to mom that i was basically packing all that stuff, and i get that look that basically says, "no, you cant pack yet, i wont let you" it was kinda sad, actually.
so now that shes made me feel guilty i go back to my room and get back to work.
a while later, i go and get my clean laundry and bring it back to my room and start putting it into piles. while im doing this, it hits me, i am really going away to college. this room will probably never really feel like its mine ever again. my new home will be in south hall 202, and i am leaving the place that has been my home for as long as i can remember. i have been telling myself that its no big deal, ive traveled away from home before. its a lie. this is totally different. i have never traveled away from home without anyone i know with me. every other time was differnt. i was still within my comfort zone. i was with people i knew, and i was coming home in a week. this time i wont know anyone and i probably wont be home for three months. and its starting to scare me.
and its not only that, but what if when i go away it will be like i never existed, and when i come home, no one will care, because they will have all their new college friends?
and on a side note, isnt it weird that we can box up and move our lives from one place to another? its like im either being forced to leave behind everything that defines who i am, or that there isnt so much that does that to begin with. most of the things that i own are so insignificant that im not going to take them with me, so why do i have such trouble throwing anything away???
my mother has been nagging me to clean my room, so i started by clearing off a card table i have in the corner of my room, and organizing all the college stuff i have. on one of my trips out of my room, i mentioned to mom that i was basically packing all that stuff, and i get that look that basically says, "no, you cant pack yet, i wont let you" it was kinda sad, actually.
so now that shes made me feel guilty i go back to my room and get back to work.
a while later, i go and get my clean laundry and bring it back to my room and start putting it into piles. while im doing this, it hits me, i am really going away to college. this room will probably never really feel like its mine ever again. my new home will be in south hall 202, and i am leaving the place that has been my home for as long as i can remember. i have been telling myself that its no big deal, ive traveled away from home before. its a lie. this is totally different. i have never traveled away from home without anyone i know with me. every other time was differnt. i was still within my comfort zone. i was with people i knew, and i was coming home in a week. this time i wont know anyone and i probably wont be home for three months. and its starting to scare me.
and its not only that, but what if when i go away it will be like i never existed, and when i come home, no one will care, because they will have all their new college friends?
and on a side note, isnt it weird that we can box up and move our lives from one place to another? its like im either being forced to leave behind everything that defines who i am, or that there isnt so much that does that to begin with. most of the things that i own are so insignificant that im not going to take them with me, so why do i have such trouble throwing anything away???