I'm Sorry Wont Cut It....
So, I'm back in Kentucky and things are...well I don't know that I would say better just yet, but they're different. Alot different, I'm unemployed for one, which blows, and I'm single, and that doesn't blow, it doesn't excite me really, but I dunno its strange, its just change. You get used to something after a while, then the situation changes, and I decided I don't think I like whats goin on. And as hard as it may be the best way for me to deal with this situation is to remove myself from it. But I can't help but feel as though its me. I have so much doubt, such a lack of trust and almost an unwillingness to trust anymore. I've always said that I hate being lied to, and one of the first things I said before this relationship was "I wont tolerate being lied to, and I wont tolerate coke...period." and I've tolerated them both and I don't feel that I can do so any longer.
So there are alot of things I have to do. I'm having a hard time deciding whether or not I want to go back to S.C. to be honest. I'll still have my friends when I come back, I wont lose them, and It would probably be easier on alot of levels for me and the rest of my family. But I do like it here and I miss alot of people that I've lost touch with here too. I think about the people that touched my life in a considerable way, and alot of them I don't really speak to anymore. Sammeh, shes number one on the list, we were once so close, it pains me to think that I had a friend that was painfully honest, and knew more about me than I myself does, and I didn't keep in contact, and of course I really have only myself to blame for that. Another one, and it hurts me to say this but, Bobby, and the saddest part about that is the reason why we are no longer talking, but no hard feelings, I wish him the best, but we both know that we are just too damn stubborn, both of us.
And of course there's Leighann, something that was so short lived but had such a huge ripple effect at the time. One kiss started world war III. Those are just the ones that I DONT talk to at all, and there's more, and thats sad. Gene Beck, Pierre, Jenny, Lance, Joe, the list goes on. As crazy as it may sound, sometimes I wish we were all just back at fucking Tekka Wurl (tek-world).
So there are alot of things I have to do. I'm having a hard time deciding whether or not I want to go back to S.C. to be honest. I'll still have my friends when I come back, I wont lose them, and It would probably be easier on alot of levels for me and the rest of my family. But I do like it here and I miss alot of people that I've lost touch with here too. I think about the people that touched my life in a considerable way, and alot of them I don't really speak to anymore. Sammeh, shes number one on the list, we were once so close, it pains me to think that I had a friend that was painfully honest, and knew more about me than I myself does, and I didn't keep in contact, and of course I really have only myself to blame for that. Another one, and it hurts me to say this but, Bobby, and the saddest part about that is the reason why we are no longer talking, but no hard feelings, I wish him the best, but we both know that we are just too damn stubborn, both of us.
And of course there's Leighann, something that was so short lived but had such a huge ripple effect at the time. One kiss started world war III. Those are just the ones that I DONT talk to at all, and there's more, and thats sad. Gene Beck, Pierre, Jenny, Lance, Joe, the list goes on. As crazy as it may sound, sometimes I wish we were all just back at fucking Tekka Wurl (tek-world).