Fifty Shades of Grey In Fifty Years
So, I'm at work tonight, talking to my clients as usual. A hefty portion of my company's clients are very wealthy and very old. Some are sweet and gracious, the kind of old people that make aging seem wonderful because they've got life all figured out. But most are cranky and elitist a-holes. They see the entire middle class as servants, and everyone who isn't a member of their country club is a member of the middle class.
This is exactly the type of old person Ana Steele is going to be in fifty years. She'll have spent her entire life in the lap of absolute luxury. Furthermore, she will feel entitled to that luxury, because she was the only woman "clever" enough to hook Christian Grey. She'll even look down on other wealthy, older woman who were just born into money instead of having to work for it the way Ana did (by getting hit with a belt).
I know I'm jumping around the sequence here, but listen to this bullshit. Just picture it! Ana is at her office and her boss is being overly familiar.
"So, did you have a good weekend?" he asks smoothly.
"Yes, thanks." Where is he going with this?
"See your boyfriend?"
"Yes."
"What does he do?"
Owns your ass... "He's in business."
Christian has bought the company, you see. So, because he is now CEO of Seattle Independent Publishing, his job is to own all the employees therein.
To own them.
This gave me the shudders so bad. If there was any tiny little thing about Ana that I felt I could still relate to, it went up in smoke and fucking fiery fury after that line right there. I always resent characters that don't ever have to worry about money, but this just takes the fucking cake.
Ana doesn't see it that way.
Of course, if I moved in with Christian, she would make lunch for me every weekday. The idea is unsettling. I have never had dreams of obscene wealth and all the trappings--only love.
PSSSSSHHHHHH. She said that shit TWO PAGES AGO. This is a fantasy, remember, so we know that Ana is going to marry Christian and they will be disgustingly wealthy for the rest of their lives. But Ana can't have the "spoiled bitch" thing tarnishing her reputation, so she has to reassure us all that she's only in this for the love. Meaning, if you do want obscene wealth and all the trappings, you're a whore.
Here's a simple device to help you figure it out.
ARE YOU A WHORE?
Do you like money?
A. Yes, very much.
B. I need it to survive, so yeah, it would be nice if someone could help me with it.
C. Someone else takes care of that for me.
Are you blonde?
A. Not naturally, but I don't have a problem with girls who are.
B. Yes, but I've dyed my hair in the past.
C. Whenever I see a blonde, I have to watch her very closely and can hardly rip my eyes away. I want to kill them so much, it makes me kind of horny.
Do you think Christian Grey is sexy?
A. He's cute in my head, but I don't really go for gingers.
B. No, he's a psycopath.
C. Verily, he defines sexiness in my nether regions.
Are you Ana?
A. I don't think so.
B. I fucking hope not.
C. Yes.
SCORES
Did you answer... mostly B's? Congratulations, you're a smart slut! You use your brain when you suck cock, and remind all your friends when to take their birth control! Way to go, sister!
Did you answer... mostly A's? Congratulations, you're an average slut! Better get to work on that pigeonhead technique, because these balls aint teabaggin' themselves!
Did you answer... mostly C's? Congratulations, you're Anastasia Steele!
This is exactly the type of old person Ana Steele is going to be in fifty years. She'll have spent her entire life in the lap of absolute luxury. Furthermore, she will feel entitled to that luxury, because she was the only woman "clever" enough to hook Christian Grey. She'll even look down on other wealthy, older woman who were just born into money instead of having to work for it the way Ana did (by getting hit with a belt).
I know I'm jumping around the sequence here, but listen to this bullshit. Just picture it! Ana is at her office and her boss is being overly familiar.
"So, did you have a good weekend?" he asks smoothly.
"Yes, thanks." Where is he going with this?
"See your boyfriend?"
"Yes."
"What does he do?"
Owns your ass... "He's in business."
Christian has bought the company, you see. So, because he is now CEO of Seattle Independent Publishing, his job is to own all the employees therein.
To own them.
This gave me the shudders so bad. If there was any tiny little thing about Ana that I felt I could still relate to, it went up in smoke and fucking fiery fury after that line right there. I always resent characters that don't ever have to worry about money, but this just takes the fucking cake.
Ana doesn't see it that way.
Of course, if I moved in with Christian, she would make lunch for me every weekday. The idea is unsettling. I have never had dreams of obscene wealth and all the trappings--only love.
PSSSSSHHHHHH. She said that shit TWO PAGES AGO. This is a fantasy, remember, so we know that Ana is going to marry Christian and they will be disgustingly wealthy for the rest of their lives. But Ana can't have the "spoiled bitch" thing tarnishing her reputation, so she has to reassure us all that she's only in this for the love. Meaning, if you do want obscene wealth and all the trappings, you're a whore.
Here's a simple device to help you figure it out.
ARE YOU A WHORE?
Do you like money?
A. Yes, very much.
B. I need it to survive, so yeah, it would be nice if someone could help me with it.
C. Someone else takes care of that for me.
Are you blonde?
A. Not naturally, but I don't have a problem with girls who are.
B. Yes, but I've dyed my hair in the past.
C. Whenever I see a blonde, I have to watch her very closely and can hardly rip my eyes away. I want to kill them so much, it makes me kind of horny.
Do you think Christian Grey is sexy?
A. He's cute in my head, but I don't really go for gingers.
B. No, he's a psycopath.
C. Verily, he defines sexiness in my nether regions.
Are you Ana?
A. I don't think so.
B. I fucking hope not.
C. Yes.
SCORES
Did you answer... mostly B's? Congratulations, you're a smart slut! You use your brain when you suck cock, and remind all your friends when to take their birth control! Way to go, sister!
Did you answer... mostly A's? Congratulations, you're an average slut! Better get to work on that pigeonhead technique, because these balls aint teabaggin' themselves!
Did you answer... mostly C's? Congratulations, you're Anastasia Steele!