Sitting, waiting, wishing....
So...I guess I'm going to be staying home a while longer. Which is the sort of thing I might have been pissed about a few months ago, but at this point, it's just kind of...whatever. No, I don't want to be living at home when I'm twenty-six and twenty-seven, but it seems stupid to rush off to another state where I don't have a job or roommates or an apartment lined up just because I set an arbitrary move date for myself. I also want to get a new computer and camera and finish paying off my car loan within the next year and go on several trips, including the Rock Boat and a trip to Australia for Amy's wedding, so it just seems silly to rush things. Things'll happen when they're meant to happen. I know the importance of setting goals for yourself and sticking to them and I'm not exactly where I want to be, but I have a life here...for now.
Still, I'm sort of...wallowing in self-pity about it. I'm disappointed in myself because I'm still here - at this job I've professed hate (or at least extreme dislike) for, in this town and state I tried so hard to move away from and with an unfinished Master's degree and a heap of student loans. It feels as if I haven't made any progress at all.
On the plus side, I've gotten to reconnect with my mom and old friends, like Aja and Elena; gained new friends like Matt and Tom; I've lost most of the weight I gained while dating James; and there are some new relationship possibilities looming on the horizon.
But even taking these things into consideration, all I can see is that I'm four years from thirty and still living at home, while friends are getting married and having babies and living on their own and making important steps that I've just...missed somehow. I know I'm being hard on myself, but I can't help it. I look at myself and all I see is pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.
I need some serious retail therapy and I need to start going to the gym regularly too.
I uploaded a bunch of stuff to my Flickr account the other night when I couldn't sleep:
Labor Day Weekend, Warwick Winery, New York State Spring, Sayerville Walk
I still have to update my Project365, but I haven't gotten around to it. If you have a Flickr account, add me and give me some love :)
I texted M. yesterday about watching movies tonight, but it's been quiet. I don't want to text again and seem too eager, but...well, I am.
Still, I'm sort of...wallowing in self-pity about it. I'm disappointed in myself because I'm still here - at this job I've professed hate (or at least extreme dislike) for, in this town and state I tried so hard to move away from and with an unfinished Master's degree and a heap of student loans. It feels as if I haven't made any progress at all.
On the plus side, I've gotten to reconnect with my mom and old friends, like Aja and Elena; gained new friends like Matt and Tom; I've lost most of the weight I gained while dating James; and there are some new relationship possibilities looming on the horizon.
But even taking these things into consideration, all I can see is that I'm four years from thirty and still living at home, while friends are getting married and having babies and living on their own and making important steps that I've just...missed somehow. I know I'm being hard on myself, but I can't help it. I look at myself and all I see is pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.
I need some serious retail therapy and I need to start going to the gym regularly too.
I uploaded a bunch of stuff to my Flickr account the other night when I couldn't sleep:
Labor Day Weekend, Warwick Winery, New York State Spring, Sayerville Walk
I still have to update my Project365, but I haven't gotten around to it. If you have a Flickr account, add me and give me some love :)
I texted M. yesterday about watching movies tonight, but it's been quiet. I don't want to text again and seem too eager, but...well, I am.