"I'm too sexy for this shirt."

[rockstarwarbler]

Who: rockstarwarbler and jewhawk
What: The morning after the BIG night before
Where: Kurt and Blaine's place, Hollywood Hills
When: Saturday morning
Rating: PG

Comments

[jewhawk]

Puck had been trashed out of his mind the night before, and it was only by sheer luck that no one else had been sober enough to realize he'd passed out in his shoes... epic party foul that usually resulted in being drawn a Hitler 'stache in one's sleep. Decidedly not funny to a Jew. He was even more lucky that Kurt hadn't recovered enough to realize that Puck had passed out with his shoes on the couch.

He was vaguely aware of the sound of Blaine's voice, and some general poking and irritation, before he swung his arm weakly in the general direction of the annoyance and failed to connect with anything except the side of the couch. A muttered mashup of about ten swear words came out in some sort of incoherent mumble, and Puck pulled a throw pillow over his head. And that was when the water hit his back, and he shot up off the couch like it was on fire. "Fucking hell, Blaine! What the fuck are you doing?!" he demanded, sputtering with irritation mixed with an exhausted hangover.

[rockstarwarbler]

"Get up," Blaine stated again with a glare. Usually he was laid back and wouldn't be bothering about Puck crashing on their sofa, but considering what happened last night, and Blaine being unsure if Kurt was going to remember witnessing it, his mood was frayed. "My boyfriend is upstairs projectile vomiting all over the bathroom, but don't think he won't murder you for what you pulled last night if he remembers it."

He put the crystal vase back down and tucked the roses back inside. He would top them up with water later. If the roses disappeared, Kurt wouldn't be impressed. They were a gift to Blaine the other night on the anniversary of the day they met. Even now, all the years later, they still celebrated their special days together. And in just a couple of weeks, Blaine had the anniversary of their First Time together, which was always freaking awesome.

[jewhawk]

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about," Puck shot back, returning Blaine's glare. "What did I do, barf on a designer tie or some shit? Big fuckin' deal, dude, I'll buy him another one." He was irritated, and being woken up with a raging hangover of doom? Wasn't helping.

He traipsed unceremoniously across the room to the fridge, searching for a bottle of water, finding several, and grabbing two. Popping the caps off both, he proceeded to double fist the bottles, trying like hell to offset the dehydration of his hangover.

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine just made a growling noise of irritation. "Your whole month's pay wouldn't even be able to afford the ties he wears," he said with a snort, shaking his head. Hell, the car he drove himself cost less than the outfit Kurt wore to the party last night, complete with diamond cufflinks from Cartier.

"You can't play dumb with me, Puckerman," he continued, as he absentmindedly fixed the cushions on the sofa and picked up Kurt's jacket and waist coat he had discarded the night before trying to get into Blaine's pants right here in front of Puck. He draped them over his arm, shooting Puck another Look. "You tried to freaking snog me! What is wrong with this picture?!"

[jewhawk]

Puck shrugged. He made good money, but Blaine probably had a point. "Yeah, yeah, whatever," he shot back, rubbing his tired eyes.

"What?!" Puck demanded, trying his damnedest to do just that. "Dude, you're off your fucking rocker. Did you smoke some shit or something last night? I can promise you I didn't try to do anything like that. You're a fucking dude. And I'm not gay!"

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine's lips tightened at the arguments and he succinctly whipped his phone out of the pocket of his pyjama pants where he had shoved it when Kurt had almost literally flow out of bed Superman style and threw himself at the toilet in the en suite. A few pointed slides of his finger over the screen and be brought up the video that had been messaged to him that morning by one of his co-stars, hit play, and handed it to Puck.

The noise of he video was scratchy and disjointed considering how loud the music had been, and the picture wasn't the best quality with the lighting of the party, but the mohawk gave it away. Puck and Blaine on the edge of the dancefloor, and Puck more than obviously randomly leaning in to try and get Blaine into a kiss. Which is where the video ended. "And I was sober last night, remember? DP1. Designated Plus One to the resident supermodel." No, no, he wasn't bitter about Kurt not letting him put a ring on it. Not at all.

[jewhawk]

Staring at the phone in disbelief, Puck shook his head. "No... No, dude, that's... No fucking way." Still, he watched in abject horror as his mohawked form leaned in to Blaine, in what was most decidedly not a friendly bromance gesture. "This is crazy," he said, his eyes widening as he looked at it.

"Dude... I'm not... I'm not gay. I don't kiss dudes. What the hell is this?"

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine indulged in a roll of his eyes and launched a cushion from the recliner at Puck. "Oh, right. Sure. All totally straight dudes try to kiss their screaming gay best friends when they're drunk. You're right. My bad," he said sarcastically. "And I assure you, unless I've sprouted a vagina in my pants in the last ten minutes without my knowledge, I'm very much a dude and you did try to kiss me. What is it? You trying to oppose Katy Perry lyrics as a new hobby or something?"

He waved his hand. "Whatever it is, mate, don't think Kurt isn't going to make you eat your own balls if he remembers seeing this. It doesn't matter to him the context. It took me three months to convince him not to kill my straight female co-star for having to peck me in an elevator... and we were acting."

[jewhawk]

Puck glared at Blaine as he tried to dodge the cushion and instead took it straight across his torso. "Fuck you," he growled, flopping back down on the couch and draining first one bottle, then the other. "Dude, somebody must've put something in my drink," he said, though he knew at heart that wasn't the case.

"Dude, I'm ridiculously fucking dead. And I didn't even know I did it." He groaned, crushing the empty water bottles and taking them over to the recycle bin. "B... I don't know what that shit was about."

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine now had all of Kurt's accessories gathered up over his arm so he could get them dry cleaned or put away. He snorted cynically and shook his head. "Yeah, that was you, and it was called Jack Daniels," he scoffed. "Repeatedly."

"Like, I should be flattered or something, and I probably would be, dude, if I was dating anyone else but Kurt. I also know that deep down you don't really want me, and you respect my relationship and our friendship. But if there is anything in it, I was probably a safe bet or something. But either way, maybe you should stop and give this whole thing some thought? It's not really like cooties, you know. It is possible for some people to be attracted to both sexes. Look at Mike," he pointed out with a shrug. Their Asian school mate had come out at the end of his senior year when he and Tina broke up, but stayed really close friends, luckily. He dated Sam Evans briefly and then that fizzled when Mike moved to California for college. Now he sort of bounced back and forth between sexes, but nothing really

[jewhawk]

He just shrugged. Blaine definitely had a point. And Puck did love his JD. Had for a long time. "It was the top shelf shit, B. They had the top shelf shit!" He shook his head one more time as if trying to figure out what the hell had been happening in his head at that point.

"I'm not into dudes, though, B," Puck said. And as far as he knew, he really never had been. He wasn't sure where this whole idea was coming from. He'd tried to fucking kiss Blaine. Blaine! As in he was going to die when Kurt recovered. As in goodbye Jew family jewels. He turned to look at Blaine, his eyes full of fear and panic. "Dude, I'm not... I never... I don't like dudes!"

[rockstarwarbler]

With cynical scrunch of his nose, Blaine just waved his hand elaborately around the room. "My life is top shelf shit these days, dude. I can't get excited about expensive booze. Every time I get pissed, I end up screaming at Kurt or sobbing into his lap about marriage. I'm tee-total, or he really will give me the flick. And trust me, I'm talking from experience here, your inner-most... urges come leaping to the forefront in all their embarrassing glory when you're trashed on the 'top shelf shit'," he said, making the quotation marks with his fingers.

"Mmhmm," he responded with a quirk of his eyebrow that merely said 'no buying it'. "Maybe in all your repetitive, broken record moaning about how straight you are over and over again, you have actually overshadowed true inner-feelings. Ever heard of the saying 'He doth protest too much'?"

[jewhawk]

"That why you kissed Berry back in high school?" Puck asked, grasping desperately at straws to hang on to some semblance of dignity, and if that meant bringing back up past screw ups, at this point, he was just that willing to get past it in his mind. "Dude, I didn't try to kiss you because I like dudes, just like you didn't kiss Berry because you like chicks."

"Dude, you're nuts," Puck said, rolling his eyes. "I mean, seriously? Come on. It's me. I'm a chick magnet!"

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine just smirked at this. "You wish, dude. You wish. I kissed Rachel in school because I was trying to convince myself I wasn't so drop-dead in love with Kurt in a way I didn't have any clue how to understand. I thought he was too perfect for me, too right, too easy just showing up at Dalton and meeting me on the stairs. It wasn't because I was bi. I was never going to be bi. It just sounded easier for life if I maybe was, so I tried to convince myself. But, as usual, Kurt was onto my bullshittery. Just like I'm onto yours. And for the record, Rachel kissed me, I kissed back, and she DID want me. She wanted my freaking babies for two minutes there."

"I think it's time you seriously changed the record, Puck," was all he said to that.

[jewhawk]

"Dude, that was hilarious!" Puck said, trying to change the subject. "She was fuckin' serious about having some Blaine babies. Kurt would've killed her. Like, shot her dead. No... He would've said shooting was too merciful. He would've torn her piece from piece with his bare hands."

Puck's dark eyes darted up to Blaine's as he tried to think of something to say that would make sense at this particular juncture, and not a goddamn thing made sense so he rolled his eyes, and rose to put the bottles in the recycle bin.

[rockstarwarbler]

"Hey! It was not hilarious. It was disturbing, and Kurt nearly did kill her. He was furious at her. I was just oblivious to that side of things at the time. I didn't know he wanted me. God, how fucking thick was I? I knew he thought I was going to ask him out on Valentine's Day that year, but my stupid head didn't actually put two and two together to equal that he wanted to date. Perfect gay guy drops into my lap, it felt too right, and I was a giant dickhead. That's no secret. But the Rachel thing was... a little creepy," Blaine said with a laugh, shaking his head. "But it's probably a good thing I didn't realise with that booze party. Booze is not my friend, never has been