We all need a best friend to understand...

[jewhawk]

Who? jewhawk and rockstarwarbler
What? The coolest part of best friends is that you can talk about anything
When? About a week after this
Where? Blaine and Kurt's place.
Rating: Adult topics

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[rockstarwarbler]

The thing was, Blaine didn't care how sick he was by the time Kurt came home and started nursing him through the Flu of Death. He could not believe how hard it got its clutches into him. He had been so sick and the fever got so bad, Kurt almost took him to the Emergency Room. Instead, he just took care of Blaine like a boss and all Blaine cared about was having Kurt close. He was pretty sure he could win a World War with Kurt at his side... if only marriage was still such a touchy subject, and probably always would be. But Blaine had been really sick, and spent most of the prior week wrapped up in a shivery, sweaty ball in bed and leaked various bodily fluids all over the place. He really had been a horrid sight in his flannel pyjamas, curly hair plastered to his head in a sweaty mess, pale skin, red eyes. He had a cough, he lost his voice, he couldn't keep anything but water and a bit of broth down. He really couldn't remember ever having been that sick in his life, but apparently it was a virulent bug going around.

Today was the first day he actually ventured out of bed. He was still in his pyjamas and bathrobe, but Kurt gave him the green light to get up and stretch his legs when Puck came over. He felt better than he had, but he was weak and tired, the antibiotics he had been prescribed still running their course. He sipped his tea carefully and tentatively, and when he spoke, his voice was still scratchy from the recovering laryngitis. "Fuck loads better than I was. Kurt said I was actually a little delirious from the fever at one point. I was mumbling about flying dogs and Rudolph with snakes. I don't even know. I can't remember it. It's why he eventually called a doctor up here. It was, like, all-over sick. It sucked. I'm not going to die, though. We can hold off on the wake a little longer."

[jewhawk]

Puck was just glad that Blaine was moving around again, instead of curled in a ball of deliriousness and sweat like he had been. He'd been legitimately worried about his BFF until said BFF's other half was home taking care of him. Puck knew enough to know that, with Kurt there, Blaine would make it just fine. "It's good to see you moving around, man. I mean... Besides the sweaty, feverish writhing you were doing last time I saw you. Dude, that was some serious flu. Not gonna lie, I was thinking Man Flu when you first started coming down with it, but that shit was serious business."

He took a decent sized swallow of his coffee and looked over at Blaine. "I knew you were really sick, though, when you didn't go to New York. Nothing short of the plague itself could've kept you from that. I was really worried for you. Mike came home with you that day, but I texted him a couple times to check in. You were pretty out of it."

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine nodded and then gave a small snort, even if he was still a little on the congested side. "It was seriously horrible. I've had flus in my life, but this was the worst. Kurt nearly bloody took me to the ER because he was worried. I feel bad I pulled him back from the East Coast, but they can all go fuck themselves. He's my man, and I needed him. He was mine before he was any of theirs." Again, another reason why he wished Kurt was into marriage. At least he could put a ring on it and have some symbol of the fact Kurt belonged to him before he belonged to anyone else who wanted a piece of him. There was always still a tiny part of him that worried Kurt might not need him one day.

At this point, though, Blaine was oblivious to the fact Puck wanted to talk about anything but random small-talk so he just rolled with that. "I am still so pissed I couldn't do. It's a Christmas tradition for us, and now I blew it. I couldn't go, though. I felt seriously sick. The cough and I just ached all over. I had to call Kurt that night and tell him I was too sick to come. I knew it worried him, but I was too far gone to even fake feeling fine."

[jewhawk]

"You had us pretty worried, dude... But I'm glad you're getting back to normal. And you're right. Everybody else can take a back seat. You were first. Dude, I don't think there was a way in hell, even if you'd tried to fake it, that you would've succeeded. And even if you could've fooled anybody else, Kurt wouldn't have bought it for a minute."

Taking another sip of his coffee, Puck took the split second to think before he pushed forward. He knew he needed to talk to Blaine about this. It was one of those things you really should discuss with your best friend, at least if you were as close to your best friend as Puck was to his. "Dude... That day you got sick and Mike took you home from my place... How much do you remember?"

[rockstarwarbler]

"As horrible as this sounds, I'm faintly glad I got sick because I got Kurt back. We have had hardly any time together lately and I miss him so fucking much. He's just getting more and more in demand, and certain designers are trying to book him almost years in advance. With my schedule and his, sometimes I'm lucky to see him a couple of times a week. But he came back and he took care of me, and it was just nice. Even feeling like shit," Blaine murmured with a small sigh. "It's crap that I don't want share him, right? I'm a selfish fuck."

He gave Puck a WTF look as he licked over his lips in the wake of a sip of tea. "Dude. I had a bad flu, not amnesia. I remember the whole conversation, and how crap I felt during it. I only started feeling really shit the next morning. Quinn came over and played nursemaid, then owned me by calling Kurt in New York and telling him the whole story. I mean, I was going to tell Kurt myself, I was just putting it off in case I started to feel better. But all those natural remedies? Total bullshit. I still kept feeling like shit no matter how much of it I tried to shove into me."

[jewhawk]

"I don't think it is," Puck answered, smiling faintly at Blaine. "I think you love your man, and you want him here all the time. Makes sense, man... Not gonna lie, either, if I had what you two have? I'd probably want my other half around as much as I could have them, too..." His mind went back to the conversation he'd had with Mike about being in love and having the real thing like Klaine.

"Well, dude, you never know with a fever like you apparently had. Me and Mike were really worried about you. I'm glad Quinn called him for you. You needed him to look out for you. Those designers and shit pay the bills, but when it comes down to you or them, Kurt would be here with you every fucking time." Setting his coffee on the coffee table, Puck scratched at his mohawk, trying to find the next step of conversation to get the whole story out to Blaine. "I... I took your advice, dude," he said finally.

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine puffed his cheeks out and then let the breath out in a rush. "I feel like I'm getting more clingy with him subconsciously. I wouldn't tell him a lot of the things I'm thinking, because I know he loves his career and he's on the top right now. He's thriving, but I think there is always going to be this part of me I can't shake that wants to settle down, get married, just have our lives together, maybe even think about a family down the track. It's not the right time now, but this whole celebrity couple thing? It's not who I really am deep down."

"It was just nice to have him lie with me and cuddle me when I was feeling crap," he murmured, picking at a thread on the seam of his pyjama pants. He looked up, then, trying to remember what piece of advice Puck was referring to. He had given a lot over the years, and Puck didn't always follow it. Blaine never pushed unless he knew there was a vital need to. "Advice... adv-- oh! Oh shit, seriously?!" he squeaked when the penny dropped.

[jewhawk]

"It's never been who you are," Puck replied. "Dude, I've known you for a long time, and even being all superstar TV doctor, you're the most down to earth guy I've ever met. You're still that same dude who was head over heels for Kurt when we were in high school, and honestly? If you weren't, I don't think we'd be friends like we are now... But I don't know what Kurt's thinking on that line of thought. He's crazy about you, yeah, but he seems pretty serious about this whole not doing the marriage thing too..."

"I'll bet," he replied, watching Blaine's face for some sort of reaction, and not sure whether to laugh or panic when he finally got one. "Yeah, seriously... Like... Not too long after we talked about it..." He wasn't sure how to proceed with this conversation, because sleeping with Mike had been, on one hand, just a friend helping a friend, but on the other hand, it hadn't just been sex... It had been Puck's first time on the receiving end, and that was kind of a big deal.

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine shrugged. "It's okay. I mean, I never had my life mapped out or anything. After getting beat up, it was always easier for me to take small portions of time rather than planning too much because the whole attack took so much away from me. I never wanted to have to claw my way back from something like that again. Kurt was always the planner, but even then, his path didn't take the expected route. He got something he never anticipated and has rocked it from day one. I love my job. Acting is the bomb, but the whole celebrity thing is still hard for me to swallow. The paparazzi, the screaming fans, seeing our names in magazines and on E News, you know? It's like someone else. The me I really am is this one, who loves his man and just wants privacy, domesticity, really hot loving and committed relationship sex."

"Wow. That's... huge," he decided with a nod for emphasis. He cleared his throat and put his mug down so he could analyse Puck closer. In fact, he was looking at him a little like he might spontaneously combust. "Holy fuck, you didn't melt. I take it went okay then, because you're not sitting here swearing your dead straight and that putting things is asses is the world's most barbaric act and OMGYAYBOOBS."

[jewhawk]

"I remember when we used to talk about that stuff when we were in school, and you were always just all, 'Yeah, but as long as I have Kurt, I'll work with the rest of it.' I never really forgot that, dude. You and Kurt... You make relationships look like what they're cracked up to be instead of the bullshit that I saw growing up. You two just make sense, you know?" He hadn't really meant to get into how Blaine and Kurt had changed his mind about relationships, but in a way, he guessed that the rest of the conversation had something to do with that as well, since the talk he'd had with Mike in bed the other night had kind of gotten him thinking.

The mohawked man couldn't argue with that, and gave Blaine a tiny nod. "Yeah..." he said, feeling sort of lame for the weak answer. "Nope... Didn't melt... My ass didn't fall off, I didn't die. It was... It hurt. But it was actually kind of nice. In a weird way that kinda surprised me."

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine raised his eyebrows a little and nodded. "Yeah, I remember. It was the truth. I never had anything before Kurt. It was always what everyone else wanted for me, and I was searching to try and find me, find what I needed. Then he was just there and everything started to make sense. The world was clearer. That's what love is for me, it's finding someone and everything making sense when it didn't so much before. It was always us after that. Things stopped being about us independently, and became about us as a unit and I've never looked back from that. If nothing else in my life makes sense, Kurt is always the thing that does and I cherish that. It's priceless to me. I can't live without him anymore, and I would be kidding myself if I tried to say I could. Which is why I feel sort of displaced in LA sometimes. There is always going to be that part of me content to just have Kurt and not need anything else."

"My first time hurt too. And a couple of times after that. But it doesn't take long to get adjusted to it. The only time it really hurt me now is if it gets rough or we go for ages, but even straight sex hurt with that, I hear. I figured Mike would be a good option. He's a sweet guy, he understood you hadn't done it before and you're friends. Better than some random dude who has done it a million times and basically doesn't care how much you have," he said knowingly.

[jewhawk]

Sprawling his legs out in front of him, Puck let his friend talk, a faint smile playing at his lips as it often did when Blaine got onto talking about Kurt, and got that slightly dreamy look in his eye. "Dude... Before you two, I never thought... I never thought that love and romance and all that other stuff was real. You and Kurt made it real. I'm not gonna lie man... I want what you guys have. I've spent most of my life fucking random people, but... it sounds awesome, having somebody to go home to... Somebody you curl up with at night, and make love to instead of just fucking? Man, it... I don't know, it's been on my mind a lot longer than I've wanted to admit to myself."

"Me and Mike actually kinda talked about that after... We had a really good talk... A lot of deep shit. I don't know, man. I'm glad it was him. He took it easy on me, and it was... Yeah, it hurt, but it was good. I've never... Felt anything quite like that." He found a loose thread in his jacket and picked at it. "It wasn't some random dude in leather from a bar... Not that I'm at all opposed to hot guys in leather..." Wow, was that something he'd never imagined hearing himself say. "He was really cool about it... It wasn't awkward like I thought it would be afterward."

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine yawned widely and relaxed right into the chair, giving himself a lethargic scratch through his bathrobe. "Love and romance are the best fucking things in the world. They trump sex, because sex comes from that. Before I met Kurt, I always knew I wanted to know what it was like. I wanted that one person who just made the world make sense, and then he was there. As soon as it clicked in my head, I knew he was everything I was searching for. He's just my world..." He glanced over at Puck. "I want you to be able to experience what that feels like, dude. You deserve it. Some people say relationships suck because they're so much work, but I'm telling you, when you're with the right person, it doesn't feel like work at all. There's just something priceless about waking up in the morning and rolling over to see that person hugged up next to you. It's all the little things, even right down to the not pleasant stuff like having your back rubbed when you're spewing or a hug when something has made you cry."

His eyes had widened a little as he listened to Puck talking, and they were locked intently on Puck's face with his mouth opened just slightly like he was contemplating an extremely deep thought. "Dude..." he murmured quietly. "Have you got a thing for Mike? Mike in leather and eyeliner is something else."

[jewhawk]

"I think there's always been a part of me that wanted something like that, but for a long time, I didn't think it existed. I thought it was this bullshit that only existed in movies, so I should get out and fuck as much as I possibly could before I got old and couldn't get it up anymore." He smiled just a little, shaking his head at the mindset he'd held onto for a long time before seeing couples really living the real deal. "But I know it's real, man... It has to be, or you and Kurt wouldn't still be going strong. And... man, I'm not gonna lie, I want it so bad sometimes... But you can't just force it, you know?"

Running his hand over his mohawk, it took Puck longer to answer that question than he probably should've. "B..." he began, trailing off for a moment before shaking his head. "Nah, it's... I mean, it was just a fuck, you know? Not like we're dating, or gonna be dating or anything. It just came up in conversation. Like, we were talking about you guys, and how awesome you are together, and Mike asked me if I'd ever been in love, and honestly, I haven't..." He shrugged, his mind instantly going back to the memory of seeing Mike in said leather and eyeliner once upon a time, and his brain kicked into overdrive for a moment before he could even try to stop it. "Dude, I've had enough casual fucks not to be that dude who thinks it suddenly means something." But even as he spoke, Puck wondered who it was he was trying to convince.

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine was the opposite to Puck on that concept and always had been. He always wanted to wait for the perfect person who stole his heart before he even considered sex. He wanted sex to be something he cherish, not just used as a throw away act when you got bored and have it become something so bland and common that it meant nothing. Having sex with someone was the most ultimate of intimate acts, it should be something prized to shared with someone special, and he had been so damn lucky to have those experiences with Kurt. They had never had anyone else, and probably never would. It was something so amazing to him that he was the only one who had ever been inside Kurt. Something he never had to share with anyone. "It's not a fact of forcing, dude, it's being open to it and not just assuming it's something everyone else does and not you. Or you really will never find it because you don't know what you're looking for. For me, with Kurt, I was searching. I was searching for him. I just didn't know I was until I met him."

His face scrunched up a little as he tried to figure out if there was anything going on between the lines there. His brain was still on the snotty-hazy side, but at least he was feeling human again. It did seem, however, that for the briefest of moments there that Puck actually considered the notion before he fobbed it off. Blaine studied his best friend's face, much akin to how he did when Kurt started making enigmatic comments about relationships and marriage. Blaine always hoped that one day he might change his mind, but he never held his breath. He also couldn't fathom the concept of never having been in love. It had been a huge part of his life for so long now that Kurt's love was a huge part of him. He couldn't live without it. "How is anything ever going to mean something if there isn't a sudden moment for it to change, though?" he reasoned.

[jewhawk]

Puck could almost see the wheels turning in Blaine's head. He could chalk that up to years of being BFFs, but even more than that, to the fact that Blaine wore his heart on his sleeve like a boss. They'd always had differing views about sex and Puck had always respected that. In a lot of ways, he'd been jealous of his bro for what he had with Kurt. He couldn't deny that the thought of having someone to come home to, a warm body to wake up with, someone to cuddle on the bad days? That all sounded really fucking appealing. "I have no idea what I'm looking for, man," Puck admitted, looking just slightly troubled by that realization. "I want something real, dude. But I don't know where to start looking."

"It's not that I don't think sex can mean something to me someday," Puck countered, shaking his head. "It's just that Mike and I... that was just sex, and him helping me out so it wouldn't be some weird dude I didn't know... It's gonna freak him out if I suddenly start to have feelings for him, man." He couldn't just expect Mike to be into him... Even if he did really want him to be... Which he didn't really care about... Right?