[the muses within] Prompt set 8. "Forgive me."
(( 8.4 - More often than not, a hero’s most epic battle is the one you never see; it’s the battle that goes on within him or herself. -- Kevin Smith (My Boring Ass Life, 04-18-06)))
Ever since Gabriel was a child he had wanted to be special. To be told that his mother wasn’t really his mother. That he wasn’t just the son of a simple watchmaker. He longed to be told that he had been found in a cornfield after a meteor shower, or even better that his father was Vulcan, and disgusted by how human he was had left. Of course he knew that the chances for either of those, were slim to none, but a boy could, and dream he did.
It wasn’t that he hadn’t loved his parents. Well, the love for his father had turned more into anger and hate after he had just left, but he loved his mother. She was a bit overbearing and smothering with her love for him, but at least he knew that she loved him. He just wanted to be something else. They weren’t bad people, just insignificant as he so often thought.
He just never felt like he truly belonged where he was, no matter what his mother told him. He could feel that he was different, and destined for greater things, but what exactly he was destined for, of that he wasn’t sure.
He would often pray to God to be shown the path that he was to go down. He knew it was selfish, to ask for things for himself, but the desire was so strong to know what he was going to be, and when it would come. He wanted something, anything, and indication for when his time of greatness would be, just like anyone desired, he was sure of that.
Slowly though, as he grew older, he began to lose faith in the fact that he really was destined for greatness. What he had believed so strongly in before, was slowly becoming just a distant dream to him, something from many years ago.
When Chandra Suresh showed up and told him that he might just be special, Gabriel was overjoyed. His faith in the Lord had been completely restored again, and excitement pumped through his veins. He was going to be special after all, just like he had always hoped for.
Of course, after testing when Chandra said that he had obviously been wrong, that he wasn’t special after all, Gabriel knew that he was wrong. He had longed to be special his whole life, he knew that he was destined for greatness, and he wasn’t just going to let some little Indian man stand in the way of him realising his dream, and reaching it.
He knew that when Brian Davis came to him, and told him that he didn’t want his ability, that it was a sign from God that he was meant to take it, at least, that was what he thought when he had lifted the quartz from the countertop and bashed the mans skull in. That was at least how he justified it to himself when he, after having seemingly gone into some sort of trance, came back from it, his hands and clothes stained with blood, and his shop a mess.
The problem with his gift though, the thing that made him special was that as much of a gift as it was, sometimes it felt like a curse as well. Nights were the worst, when the feeling was strongest. That was the time where he would lie in bed, alone with his thoughts.
As he tossed and turned in bed, trying to find peace enough to sleep he couldn’t help the thoughts that wandered in his mind. Had he really been right in the choices that he had made? Yes, Brian hadn’t wanted his abilities, he had made that clear when he had asked to have them taken away, but who was he to chose whether or not his life was to be lived on? God had chosen him to be special, just as he had chosen Brian to be special, so surely, if one of his chosen ones didn’t want their gifts, it would better go to someone that did want them, rather than to waste, right?
What he didn’t understand though was why the Lord would give him an ability that would only truly become great through sin. He wanted to please the Lord, after all, and how else to please him, than to be everything that he had planned for him?
Often though he couldn’t sleep no matter how desperately needed it. Not only was he left with his own thoughts, but he was left with a sound of ticking that never stopped. The only thing that would soothe the tick was when he learned something new. Without something new, it drove him crazy, to breaking point, and when he reached breaking point, he lost control.
He couldn’t sleep, because he couldn’t find inner peace, and that lead him to the church that he had been going to ever since he was a child. It was one of the few places that he could still find peace, even at his worst times, though now it almost felt foreign. He was almost ashamed to enter, as he thought of what he had done, the murders that he had committed, and the people that he had hurt.
With a sigh him dipped his fingers in the Holy Water, half expecting it to burn his hand, but when it didn’t he crossed himself and kneeled, taking a deep breath.
Forgive me, Father, I only did what I thought was right. I’ve always known that I was destined for greatness, because of you. I’ve always believed, though sometimes the belief was not as strong. Forgive me for straying, Father. Forgive me for doubting. I only wish to be special. It’s all I’ve ever wanted…
Ever since Gabriel was a child he had wanted to be special. To be told that his mother wasn’t really his mother. That he wasn’t just the son of a simple watchmaker. He longed to be told that he had been found in a cornfield after a meteor shower, or even better that his father was Vulcan, and disgusted by how human he was had left. Of course he knew that the chances for either of those, were slim to none, but a boy could, and dream he did.
It wasn’t that he hadn’t loved his parents. Well, the love for his father had turned more into anger and hate after he had just left, but he loved his mother. She was a bit overbearing and smothering with her love for him, but at least he knew that she loved him. He just wanted to be something else. They weren’t bad people, just insignificant as he so often thought.
He just never felt like he truly belonged where he was, no matter what his mother told him. He could feel that he was different, and destined for greater things, but what exactly he was destined for, of that he wasn’t sure.
He would often pray to God to be shown the path that he was to go down. He knew it was selfish, to ask for things for himself, but the desire was so strong to know what he was going to be, and when it would come. He wanted something, anything, and indication for when his time of greatness would be, just like anyone desired, he was sure of that.
Slowly though, as he grew older, he began to lose faith in the fact that he really was destined for greatness. What he had believed so strongly in before, was slowly becoming just a distant dream to him, something from many years ago.
When Chandra Suresh showed up and told him that he might just be special, Gabriel was overjoyed. His faith in the Lord had been completely restored again, and excitement pumped through his veins. He was going to be special after all, just like he had always hoped for.
Of course, after testing when Chandra said that he had obviously been wrong, that he wasn’t special after all, Gabriel knew that he was wrong. He had longed to be special his whole life, he knew that he was destined for greatness, and he wasn’t just going to let some little Indian man stand in the way of him realising his dream, and reaching it.
He knew that when Brian Davis came to him, and told him that he didn’t want his ability, that it was a sign from God that he was meant to take it, at least, that was what he thought when he had lifted the quartz from the countertop and bashed the mans skull in. That was at least how he justified it to himself when he, after having seemingly gone into some sort of trance, came back from it, his hands and clothes stained with blood, and his shop a mess.
The problem with his gift though, the thing that made him special was that as much of a gift as it was, sometimes it felt like a curse as well. Nights were the worst, when the feeling was strongest. That was the time where he would lie in bed, alone with his thoughts.
As he tossed and turned in bed, trying to find peace enough to sleep he couldn’t help the thoughts that wandered in his mind. Had he really been right in the choices that he had made? Yes, Brian hadn’t wanted his abilities, he had made that clear when he had asked to have them taken away, but who was he to chose whether or not his life was to be lived on? God had chosen him to be special, just as he had chosen Brian to be special, so surely, if one of his chosen ones didn’t want their gifts, it would better go to someone that did want them, rather than to waste, right?
What he didn’t understand though was why the Lord would give him an ability that would only truly become great through sin. He wanted to please the Lord, after all, and how else to please him, than to be everything that he had planned for him?
Often though he couldn’t sleep no matter how desperately needed it. Not only was he left with his own thoughts, but he was left with a sound of ticking that never stopped. The only thing that would soothe the tick was when he learned something new. Without something new, it drove him crazy, to breaking point, and when he reached breaking point, he lost control.
He couldn’t sleep, because he couldn’t find inner peace, and that lead him to the church that he had been going to ever since he was a child. It was one of the few places that he could still find peace, even at his worst times, though now it almost felt foreign. He was almost ashamed to enter, as he thought of what he had done, the murders that he had committed, and the people that he had hurt.
With a sigh him dipped his fingers in the Holy Water, half expecting it to burn his hand, but when it didn’t he crossed himself and kneeled, taking a deep breath.
Forgive me, Father, I only did what I thought was right. I’ve always known that I was destined for greatness, because of you. I’ve always believed, though sometimes the belief was not as strong. Forgive me for straying, Father. Forgive me for doubting. I only wish to be special. It’s all I’ve ever wanted…