snow day today...

[fromblackness]

yeah i actually hate snowdays, i am probably the only one that does, but seriously, when its a snow day usually the weather is bad, and i hate bad weather. which means i am stuck in the house all day. but anyways, this weekend wasnt that great. me and my sister drove through that snow storm, and i thought we were going to die, it was so scary, i have never seen my sister that scared in a longgg time. but i tried keeping her calm the whole time doing the "we're okay, your doing fine, relax, its okay, its alright dont worry about the people around you, keep your eyes on the road hun, its okay." yeah i did pretty good counseling her i think, b/c were alive lol. besides that, and bowling on friday, i didnt do anything. i was just thinking about a lot because me and my sister actually almost talked about our past together, we were sooo close, and then we just stopped the conversation. we have no trust at all between eachother, it sucks. and i also hate the fact that she feels superior to me, like i know shes older and everything, but i would understand. maybe not the whole thing, b/c i wasnt too far into hurting myself like that, but i would get it. i went through the same pain she has went through, i guess thats what hurts the most. knowing we went through the same things, and she doesnt trust me.

people have really been getting to me lately. i hate how i have to act like im not close with someone, bestfriends, or care about how someone feels just because my other friends dont like them or get along with them. i dont know who to pick, who to choose, and i know at some point im going to have to make a decision. it just plain sucks, i know that not everyone will get along, but when theres really no reason for people to not get along and im friends with both of them, it hurts me, b/c they make me choose, even if they dont mean to, they do. people are just so immature, maybe thats why i dont like having the friends i have. maybe thats why i dont like opening up and being real with people, b/c being real means theres that chance that they can just up and leave, for stupid reasons b/c they are so immature. i just cant stand it. i love having deep/intellectual/heartfelt talks about serious stuff, yeah theres time for fun and everything i just love sharing things with people, getting to know their heart, and how they feel. i dont know im a loser. whatever. =[