Vanity and Rawr

[fromawindowsill]

I want to be so much more

for myself

and for you.

I don't want you to feel like you could have someone better because I know you do sometimes. Better in this case meaning more attractive. It's okay that you think this, really. It's not something to be ashamed of saying. Maybe I'm making all of this up. Maybe.

All these girls are so beautifulcuteattractivehotwhatever and I look at myself and see blank.

I try so hard not to be vain because it's so selfish and dumb, but it always happens. So much of my life is dictated by vanity, it disgusts me.

I've actually recently been accused of being anorexic. I'm definitely not anorexic, just very goal-oriented. I don't want to be impossibly thin, there's a place I want to be and I will get there. It's not that small, it's just an improvement.

On a side note, I hate sex. That's all I have to say about that.

I want to change makeup, change hair, change body; to make myself better than this.

I want to feel good about myself. I want this year to be better than all the others. I'm going to have fun. I'm going to work. I'm going to sing. I'm going to love.

P.S. SIGN YOUR HATE NOTES. KTHXBYE.

I start attacking my vodka, stab the ice with my straw
My eyes have turned red as stoplights, you seem ready to walk
You know I'll call you eventually, when I wanna talk
unil then you're invisible
Because theres a switch that gets hit and it all stops making sense
And in the middle of drinks, maybe the fifth or the sixth
I'm completely alone at a table of friends
I feel nothing for them. I feel nothing, nothing...