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Everything is connected. And if it isn't, whats so wrong about thinking that it is? I feel as though i am in the know when I'm thinking about the universe, mainly Earth, and how all life, even the non living things, such as music and minerals, has something to do with one another. Not only right now, but "through out time". I was taught by my college writing proffessor never to use the term "through out time" but this isn't an essay, and you probably aren't Carmina Dimeglio. I was just typing an essay for her, and then i looked on the desk and made eyecontact with a black puffy eyed fish named Cyrus, or Aster...not sure which is which. But i felt a connection as our visions limited themselves to eachother. The connection. If you could imagine millions of atoms and structures flying around real fast in a random-type motion in the middle of space, or a space-like atmosphere, and then stopping and aligning. This is how it felt. His friend, the white, gold and black fish, was also looking at me, and we had this conversation. At least, this is what i understood from the look both fish were giving me. It was more of an understanding than a conversation, we basically made it clear that i sit at this desk at least once a day for a pretty extended period of time and pay them little to no attention and vise-versa, I treat them just as i would treat 2 plastic fish floating in a fishbowl, but they don't mind. That was the nice part, thats why I like fish. So i fed them some flakes and watched them peck their little fishy faces at the top of the water, they reminded me of dogs. I have a feeling i will start to pay more attention to them now. I should be working on massive amounts of essays right now. But this is more intreging. Plus i have this uncanny feeling that everything will just work out for me, with little to no stress and effort wasted. Lately i've been having doubts...well, not really, but i've been thinking to myself "what if im just being immatture, and the only way to get through life successfully is if you DO stress, and you Do put effort into your work, no matter how boring and unrelated to your actual intrests it is" and i feel as though i should doubt myself, but i can't, i wont, i refuse. For a while now, the new thing is go to school, go to college, graduate, get a job, find a husband, do the family thing, and support yourself while sacrificing all the things you want to do for the things you have to do. What the heck is this? People don't realize that we have no greater purpose. The present is all we have tangible to us. We cannot change the past, and the future...who knows? I can tell myself that i would like to wake up at 10 tomorrow, get breakfast, and then finish my essays, and that might very well happen. But what if i sleep late? Or..maybe theres a flash flood and i can't get my breakfast...you cannot predict the future. We never will be able to. That is common sense. ALot of people see us being rewarded for our deeds here on earth in some extravagant afterlife. Lets discuss this briefly. If there is a heaven where the good is rewarded with eternal sunshine, than im sure it would include ALL life, not just humans. This heaven should include all the good earthworms, all the good people, and all the good seaweed. This heaven is pretty crowded. I'm imagining it very unorganized. Well anyways...my churchy friend Liz Vigliotta told me about this one Saint, I forget his name, but he walks around with bells on his shoes so that even the ants and other little creatures on the ground can hear him comming and run out from under his feet so that he doesn't step on them. I thought about this later on in life and decided that he is the holiest of all Saints, I'm sure you can see why. I thought, if these are lives that are worth saving, then they are lives that are heaven worthy after they die. And if these creatures are worthy enough to share the same heavven, then is it safe to say we're equal? If so..we've gotta stop it with these mouse traps and such, its murder. Heaven isn't this safe place in the sky you go to when yo udie, Heaven is on earth. It is a good cry on the phone with your mom from an hour and a half away in an empty dorm room when you are lonely stressed and homesick. I should sleep. I havn't gotten much further in my essay but this felt good. I havn't written in a while either. I like to write. I'm pretty good at it. Maybe i'll be a journalist...but i see that sucking too, i like to write what i want to write about when i want to, not what others need me to write about when they need it. Thats life. Its absurd. everyone should have their fair chance to go to a beach when they want to and picinic with their family. Too much hate, too much violence, too many limitations due to rediculous restrictions such as money.