outland on a friday night
okay.
ive made a list
11 songs
just put together lol
out of my pick i thought was good..
and now im listening.
we'll see how this goes.
something happened this wkend.
something pretty serious
and im torn
because i dont know what's right or what the answers are
do i trust my gut feeling?
from the beginning:
thur night ilan invited me to go to columbus with him and some other ppl from the club -check out outland-
and at first iwas like eh, but then i started thinking about it
and it'd give me a chance to talk to ilan and meet ppl from the club outside the scene
cause there's a two hr drive each way, right?
so i wrote him and said id come on fri
which, it took him forever to get back to me, but he said he lost his phone.
no biggy. i make it there, and no one else is coming up with us -it's just me ilan and nature.
am like okay. whatever.
so we drive up -nature's in the back sleeping
and ilan and i talk
random things mostly.
music, equipment, advertising, whatever
ilan was meeting the manager of outland to try and sell his night, quorum.
he brought up nature (endthedj) to show him off more or less.lol
and ilan gets the spot. it's his third club he can throw events at now -adonis.dock and outland-
so ilan's happy and drinking whiskey
i drink nothing
and nature drinks his soda
hang out with nature most the night, he's so reserved, and it takes a lot for me to try 'n get good conversation from him. nothing's said about our situation or shit between us.ha
and ilan starts kissin' my cheeks like he does when he's drinkin' and feelin' good.
but he's also asking and suggesting things also.
and im starting to have to say no ilan, no.. but he doesnt really stop. no actual physical contact really.cept when he tried to touch my fishnets.lol
so it's time to go home and he asks if nature's gonna drive so he can fonnnnll me on the way home..and before this, i asked nature - said i know you have no reason to, but if need be, will you get ilan to back down because ive had to say no to him quite a few times and he's not getting the hint.so we're in the car, and the final decision is that i drive home. so i do. nature has to tell ilan no molesting up there.. and after we get on the road, they fall asleep.
and im left eyes glued to the road tryin' to stay awake..
for two hours.
after being up since 5am.and only getting a few hrs of sleep the night before cause i went out..member?
so there's a mixed cd nature did playin' ad im dancin' and suckin' on my ring and makin' it cold in the car when i can..lol cause ilan kept wakin' up and makin' it warm again.haha
and we make it home okay, with me only almost going off the road once.lol
and ilan's so thankful i made it home, i was his life saver
and im led inside the house, and ilan says come..come sleep.
and i sit on the couch and he says, no.. take my bed.
so i sit on his lil' step getting up to his bed and sit for a while
to come back down to earth.lol i was so wired
and he asks if i want something to drink..some water?
i said, yeah, actually that'd be awesome
so he gets me some water in a mug with ice
and i go to take a drink and i see a small white pill looking thing in my cup. the edge of it was cut off, and i could have sworn i saw lil' letters on it.
so i pull it ou and ask ilan, whats this? he grabs it quickly and says i dont know that's disgusting and throws it-tries to flick it into the wet bar sink he has in his room (he went and got the mug and water for my drink in the main kitchen).
so at this point im freakin' out a bit.like did ilan really just try to drug me?
and after he tucks me in, i write nature and tell him i dont feel comfortable and the situation. and he suggests leaving .. so after sitting in the bed for a moment, .....moments. i so was not in the right mind set. i could have stopped and turned on the light and checked out what was in the sink -- but i just grabbed my shit and left.
at this point.
lemme put this into perspective as of right now..
when iwas 16 i went to a new year's party.
drank beer, like to get drunk.for the first time..was my first party , i think. like that anyway.
when i got so drunk so quickly ((drs think i was drugged))
they led me to the bed and i slept for a while..
someone came into my room later on and took advantage of me that night
post dramatic stress disorder
has been the outcome of this.lol
i talked to my friend about it she didnt believe me
and dude who did it was a senior at the time. with a girlfriend
graduating with a scholarship in wrestling
i didnt do anything..
didnt say a word -no reports- no cops-whatever
i didnt even tell my parents til april
and it was in a letter before i left for school
so..
again, not in right state of mind.lol
im still not.for that matter.heh
i called joe, friend in columbus who is working on getting a new location for outland
i saw him that night as well, he came out to see me
that's another thing..ilan asked if i hooked up wit him.if joe was one of my fuck buddies, basically.lol like wtf. how is that any of his business to begin with?
joe is pissed. said he's gonna put him in the wall next time he sees him
and that dont worry about outland that ilan wont be doing any events there.
i love joe.
i wanted him to know - cause he was going to be doing business with this guy.
next day-
nature went to investigate, apparently
said he found what it was- a piece of plastic from the construction going on in the house..that there was more in the kitchen
and he told ilan - who was besides himself..going off like what?! i cant believe that.i can hear him now. haha
and he calls mike danger for some oddd fucking reason. and tells him.
i guess to get his story out? mike has a big mouth for rumors.
and nature demands apologies
that it was very offensive and not to contact either one of them without saying sorry.lol
dick
ilan called me later and we talked.and i told him my history a bit - so he understood a bit? maybe?
i said i wanted to come up and see the pieces to set me at ease,but ended up not going up there cause i thought i had a photoshoot to do with aryn at 7.((she was late--it's kay))
so that's where that stops.
ilan told me to ask anyone, that he's not that type of guy..
and i just kept saying you never know.
not that im typing this all out, it could have been plaster. not plastic. ..tat might have looked like that in the mug.
anyway,
nature takes me off his facebook and vf friends lists.lol
saw this today.haha
i wrote him and asked him about it and he said hes keeping those for ppl he talks to every day.
he's soo full of shit
i wrote him and said he has some funny timing.
questions now are
do i go to quorum events?
gage how ilan interacts with me --see if he's sincere when i see him?
nature can kiss my ass as far as im concerned.however
i do need him to bring me my hairs thursday.lol
or ilan for that matter. ill have to contact one of them and ask
im so fucked up from this though.
the thought.
the idea.
i was so careful for so long lol
and when i start sayin' fuck it--shit happens again
im still very confused about the whole thing.
ive made a list
11 songs
just put together lol
out of my pick i thought was good..
and now im listening.
we'll see how this goes.
something happened this wkend.
something pretty serious
and im torn
because i dont know what's right or what the answers are
do i trust my gut feeling?
from the beginning:
thur night ilan invited me to go to columbus with him and some other ppl from the club -check out outland-
and at first iwas like eh, but then i started thinking about it
and it'd give me a chance to talk to ilan and meet ppl from the club outside the scene
cause there's a two hr drive each way, right?
so i wrote him and said id come on fri
which, it took him forever to get back to me, but he said he lost his phone.
no biggy. i make it there, and no one else is coming up with us -it's just me ilan and nature.
am like okay. whatever.
so we drive up -nature's in the back sleeping
and ilan and i talk
random things mostly.
music, equipment, advertising, whatever
ilan was meeting the manager of outland to try and sell his night, quorum.
he brought up nature (endthedj) to show him off more or less.lol
and ilan gets the spot. it's his third club he can throw events at now -adonis.dock and outland-
so ilan's happy and drinking whiskey
i drink nothing
and nature drinks his soda
hang out with nature most the night, he's so reserved, and it takes a lot for me to try 'n get good conversation from him. nothing's said about our situation or shit between us.ha
and ilan starts kissin' my cheeks like he does when he's drinkin' and feelin' good.
but he's also asking and suggesting things also.
and im starting to have to say no ilan, no.. but he doesnt really stop. no actual physical contact really.cept when he tried to touch my fishnets.lol
so it's time to go home and he asks if nature's gonna drive so he can fonnnnll me on the way home..and before this, i asked nature - said i know you have no reason to, but if need be, will you get ilan to back down because ive had to say no to him quite a few times and he's not getting the hint.so we're in the car, and the final decision is that i drive home. so i do. nature has to tell ilan no molesting up there.. and after we get on the road, they fall asleep.
and im left eyes glued to the road tryin' to stay awake..
for two hours.
after being up since 5am.and only getting a few hrs of sleep the night before cause i went out..member?
so there's a mixed cd nature did playin' ad im dancin' and suckin' on my ring and makin' it cold in the car when i can..lol cause ilan kept wakin' up and makin' it warm again.haha
and we make it home okay, with me only almost going off the road once.lol
and ilan's so thankful i made it home, i was his life saver
and im led inside the house, and ilan says come..come sleep.
and i sit on the couch and he says, no.. take my bed.
so i sit on his lil' step getting up to his bed and sit for a while
to come back down to earth.lol i was so wired
and he asks if i want something to drink..some water?
i said, yeah, actually that'd be awesome
so he gets me some water in a mug with ice
and i go to take a drink and i see a small white pill looking thing in my cup. the edge of it was cut off, and i could have sworn i saw lil' letters on it.
so i pull it ou and ask ilan, whats this? he grabs it quickly and says i dont know that's disgusting and throws it-tries to flick it into the wet bar sink he has in his room (he went and got the mug and water for my drink in the main kitchen).
so at this point im freakin' out a bit.like did ilan really just try to drug me?
and after he tucks me in, i write nature and tell him i dont feel comfortable and the situation. and he suggests leaving .. so after sitting in the bed for a moment, .....moments. i so was not in the right mind set. i could have stopped and turned on the light and checked out what was in the sink -- but i just grabbed my shit and left.
at this point.
lemme put this into perspective as of right now..
when iwas 16 i went to a new year's party.
drank beer, like to get drunk.for the first time..was my first party , i think. like that anyway.
when i got so drunk so quickly ((drs think i was drugged))
they led me to the bed and i slept for a while..
someone came into my room later on and took advantage of me that night
post dramatic stress disorder
has been the outcome of this.lol
i talked to my friend about it she didnt believe me
and dude who did it was a senior at the time. with a girlfriend
graduating with a scholarship in wrestling
i didnt do anything..
didnt say a word -no reports- no cops-whatever
i didnt even tell my parents til april
and it was in a letter before i left for school
so..
again, not in right state of mind.lol
im still not.for that matter.heh
i called joe, friend in columbus who is working on getting a new location for outland
i saw him that night as well, he came out to see me
that's another thing..ilan asked if i hooked up wit him.if joe was one of my fuck buddies, basically.lol like wtf. how is that any of his business to begin with?
joe is pissed. said he's gonna put him in the wall next time he sees him
and that dont worry about outland that ilan wont be doing any events there.
i love joe.
i wanted him to know - cause he was going to be doing business with this guy.
next day-
nature went to investigate, apparently
said he found what it was- a piece of plastic from the construction going on in the house..that there was more in the kitchen
and he told ilan - who was besides himself..going off like what?! i cant believe that.i can hear him now. haha
and he calls mike danger for some oddd fucking reason. and tells him.
i guess to get his story out? mike has a big mouth for rumors.
and nature demands apologies
that it was very offensive and not to contact either one of them without saying sorry.lol
dick
ilan called me later and we talked.and i told him my history a bit - so he understood a bit? maybe?
i said i wanted to come up and see the pieces to set me at ease,but ended up not going up there cause i thought i had a photoshoot to do with aryn at 7.((she was late--it's kay))
so that's where that stops.
ilan told me to ask anyone, that he's not that type of guy..
and i just kept saying you never know.
not that im typing this all out, it could have been plaster. not plastic. ..tat might have looked like that in the mug.
anyway,
nature takes me off his facebook and vf friends lists.lol
saw this today.haha
i wrote him and asked him about it and he said hes keeping those for ppl he talks to every day.
he's soo full of shit
i wrote him and said he has some funny timing.
questions now are
do i go to quorum events?
gage how ilan interacts with me --see if he's sincere when i see him?
nature can kiss my ass as far as im concerned.however
i do need him to bring me my hairs thursday.lol
or ilan for that matter. ill have to contact one of them and ask
im so fucked up from this though.
the thought.
the idea.
i was so careful for so long lol
and when i start sayin' fuck it--shit happens again
im still very confused about the whole thing.