(no subject)
It has been a long few days. So much has happened. So much drama and stupidity. Especially at work. Now I am just even more anxious to be leaving next week for a long weekend home.
I took Charity to the airport this morning for her weekend home and I wanted to jump on the plane with her. As I watched her walk into the terminal it occurred to me just how small my circle of friends is shrinking. Between school, work, marriage, life... all my friends are moving on to greater things.
I saw JB tuesday night for the first time in almost a year, and that meeting removed any illusions I still carried about him. Wednesday night two waitresses at my restaurant were written up at my request for bad behavior- one even dared to cuss me out in front of my table.
How is it possible to be as young as I am yet feel so old. I feel like my time is about to expire any moment and I'll be gone. A few minutes is all I have left before I'm swept along like another single grain of sand in the hourglass of history. But even in those last moments, I am in a stasis. Even if I wanted to change how I end my life, I can't. The air is too thick around me and I can't move. It's like waking up everyday aware of your fate and unable to change it.
I feel unfulfilled and hopeless.
I took Charity to the airport this morning for her weekend home and I wanted to jump on the plane with her. As I watched her walk into the terminal it occurred to me just how small my circle of friends is shrinking. Between school, work, marriage, life... all my friends are moving on to greater things.
I saw JB tuesday night for the first time in almost a year, and that meeting removed any illusions I still carried about him. Wednesday night two waitresses at my restaurant were written up at my request for bad behavior- one even dared to cuss me out in front of my table.
How is it possible to be as young as I am yet feel so old. I feel like my time is about to expire any moment and I'll be gone. A few minutes is all I have left before I'm swept along like another single grain of sand in the hourglass of history. But even in those last moments, I am in a stasis. Even if I wanted to change how I end my life, I can't. The air is too thick around me and I can't move. It's like waking up everyday aware of your fate and unable to change it.
I feel unfulfilled and hopeless.