starting a new life?....
Wow i can't believe i am writing in this thing once again. Its been a year! So much has changed! I think i am going to start to use this as just letting my feelings out kind of thing. Its kind of random how i started thinking about this thing again. No body writes in this anymore. Its so weird! Well where to start...
So right now in my life i am seeing a gentlemen named Jordan. He is one of my best friends brothers. Probably the biggest no no ever. We aren't going out or anything.... just seeing each other. Its like a really weird situation. He likes this other girl he use to date, but he cheated on her so broke up with her because of it. Now he has feelings for her again but also has feelings for me. So he is confused on what to do. I understand why, but what i don't understand is why is it so hard when she has a boyfriend and leaves back home for him and i am right here. I don't know if I am looking for a realationship or what. But i do know that I like him a lot and spend almost everyday with him. Whats so weird about talking about this is that in my last entry that i wrote in here it was about Todd.... its kind of funny actually because i just broke up with him like a month and a half ago. I dated the kid for almost a year and cheated on him with the guy i am seeing now... how ironic huh? I really felt bad about it too. Which is weird for me because i never really feel that bad about it. I really cared for him. You can even say i loved him... i hope i didn't make a mistake by breaking up with him, but some how i feel as though i know i didn't. I guess if i really did love him i wouldn't have broken his heart and now have very strong feelings for another.... its so weird how emotions and thoughts can change when you never thought they could.
Anyways... I hope that I end up with Jordan. He is cute and funny and I just feel so good when I am around him. I don't know what excatly attracts me to him but i like it whatever it is. It maybe be the sex.... nahhh... haha! He is really good though. Some of the best sex I have had in awhile. I know I have feelings for him besides that though. I cried in front of him the other day because I told him how I felt about him and felt ashamed. I never do that! I just hope I don't get in to deep with him that I can't pull myself out if he decides to go back with his ex from home. God i pray to God he doesn't.... I think that will kill more than anything... i don't want to think about it.
Other than the usual social drama life has been alright. I got fired from my job today which kind of sucks but i am not that upset. The only thing i am worried about is money. i have to find another job soon or i am screwed. your probably wondering what i got fired for.... being late... what else. i could kick myself for it too. oh well i am not that worried about it. i will find another job hopefully with more money. Other than that though everything else is good. Well i am going to go watch a movie. later!
So right now in my life i am seeing a gentlemen named Jordan. He is one of my best friends brothers. Probably the biggest no no ever. We aren't going out or anything.... just seeing each other. Its like a really weird situation. He likes this other girl he use to date, but he cheated on her so broke up with her because of it. Now he has feelings for her again but also has feelings for me. So he is confused on what to do. I understand why, but what i don't understand is why is it so hard when she has a boyfriend and leaves back home for him and i am right here. I don't know if I am looking for a realationship or what. But i do know that I like him a lot and spend almost everyday with him. Whats so weird about talking about this is that in my last entry that i wrote in here it was about Todd.... its kind of funny actually because i just broke up with him like a month and a half ago. I dated the kid for almost a year and cheated on him with the guy i am seeing now... how ironic huh? I really felt bad about it too. Which is weird for me because i never really feel that bad about it. I really cared for him. You can even say i loved him... i hope i didn't make a mistake by breaking up with him, but some how i feel as though i know i didn't. I guess if i really did love him i wouldn't have broken his heart and now have very strong feelings for another.... its so weird how emotions and thoughts can change when you never thought they could.
Anyways... I hope that I end up with Jordan. He is cute and funny and I just feel so good when I am around him. I don't know what excatly attracts me to him but i like it whatever it is. It maybe be the sex.... nahhh... haha! He is really good though. Some of the best sex I have had in awhile. I know I have feelings for him besides that though. I cried in front of him the other day because I told him how I felt about him and felt ashamed. I never do that! I just hope I don't get in to deep with him that I can't pull myself out if he decides to go back with his ex from home. God i pray to God he doesn't.... I think that will kill more than anything... i don't want to think about it.
Other than the usual social drama life has been alright. I got fired from my job today which kind of sucks but i am not that upset. The only thing i am worried about is money. i have to find another job soon or i am screwed. your probably wondering what i got fired for.... being late... what else. i could kick myself for it too. oh well i am not that worried about it. i will find another job hopefully with more money. Other than that though everything else is good. Well i am going to go watch a movie. later!