What do we do/ With ten baby shoes/ A gag bag full of marbles/ And a broken billiard cue?
Wow. I just watched Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, which if you haven't heard of it is an old movie from 1958. Elizabeth Taylor and Paul Newman are in it- this is back when they were both freakin' GORGEOUS. It's just an incredible movie. You should all watch it.
Habitat's been good, mostly. The majority of the kids are really sweet and the cutest things. There are a couple irritating ones, but hey, you take the bad with the good. I really like Heather and Marah, and Colleen's actually pretty nice, too. The thing is, though, talking to Heather makes me feel really out of it a lot of the time. It's not that I'm really into the whole idea of drugs and drinking and having sex with someone 'seven times in one night,' which, although undoubtedly a lie, still gives you the idea. The point is, sometimes I just wonder whether I'm forgetting something. I don't really think I am. I mean, like I said, I'm not really into that stuff. I can't stand parties, because all people do is stand around and ignore each other, which is generally pointless. I can ignore someone without 50 other people there to help me.
I guess I'm worried that I focus too much on the long-term and don't stop to enjoy life now. I keep thinking, looking, pushing ahead, and never thinking about the now. I keep thinking things will get better soon, maybe when I go to college, but you know people never change. I know parties will still be the same, alcohol will still be the same, boys will still be the same. The only thing that changes is me and who I choose to surround myself with. And that's ok.
It just bothers me that that kind of stuff seems to satisfy other people, but not me. I wonder if I'm forgetting, if I'm totally missing something. Not missing OUT, just if I missed the point entirely. I don't like drinking. I don't want a boyfriend. Hell, I don't even want to have sex. Honestly. What I want is talent and happiness and a hug that lasts for as long as I need it to. Which could be god knows how long. The POINT is that I'm done with high school. I'm ready to move on to somewhere people care, and this summer is providing me with nothing but bad ideas of how to lose weight and bathing suits that don't fit me right. That's not my idea of forward movement.
I need someone new. I need someone to shake things up.
Surprise me.
Habitat's been good, mostly. The majority of the kids are really sweet and the cutest things. There are a couple irritating ones, but hey, you take the bad with the good. I really like Heather and Marah, and Colleen's actually pretty nice, too. The thing is, though, talking to Heather makes me feel really out of it a lot of the time. It's not that I'm really into the whole idea of drugs and drinking and having sex with someone 'seven times in one night,' which, although undoubtedly a lie, still gives you the idea. The point is, sometimes I just wonder whether I'm forgetting something. I don't really think I am. I mean, like I said, I'm not really into that stuff. I can't stand parties, because all people do is stand around and ignore each other, which is generally pointless. I can ignore someone without 50 other people there to help me.
I guess I'm worried that I focus too much on the long-term and don't stop to enjoy life now. I keep thinking, looking, pushing ahead, and never thinking about the now. I keep thinking things will get better soon, maybe when I go to college, but you know people never change. I know parties will still be the same, alcohol will still be the same, boys will still be the same. The only thing that changes is me and who I choose to surround myself with. And that's ok.
It just bothers me that that kind of stuff seems to satisfy other people, but not me. I wonder if I'm forgetting, if I'm totally missing something. Not missing OUT, just if I missed the point entirely. I don't like drinking. I don't want a boyfriend. Hell, I don't even want to have sex. Honestly. What I want is talent and happiness and a hug that lasts for as long as I need it to. Which could be god knows how long. The POINT is that I'm done with high school. I'm ready to move on to somewhere people care, and this summer is providing me with nothing but bad ideas of how to lose weight and bathing suits that don't fit me right. That's not my idea of forward movement.
I need someone new. I need someone to shake things up.
Surprise me.