(no subject)
i should post something here, but i don't know what. im tired and that doesn't help any. i have a lot going on in my head and body. emotions, feelings. im just all blah. my puppy is sleeping on my bed, shes so cute. she turned 5 on the 31st of july. its not that bad. i've known some jack russles to live till their 15. i love my little girl. she means the world to me and without her i would be crushed. i think its safe to say that to me, shes as close to a real human child as i will ever get. and i feel for her like a mother would a child. i don't want kids, i've come to that conclusion. my little phase i went through in wanting them was because of luis. because he wanted kids so badly and i just wanted to make him happy. so i started wanting one too, but deep down i knew that thats not what i truely wanted. i've never wanted kids, even when i was younger. maybe its because my mom had my sister when i was so young, maybe its because a lot of my friends have kids and i see how much they have to give up because of that. i know a big part of it comes from the fact that i think this world is fucked up and the last thing i want to do is bring a life into it. my mother always said that maybe my kid would be the one to change everything. yeah right, i know better. now im not saying that i wouldn't incourage my kid to do great things, but i know me, and great things is not my specialty. omg, listen to me, im rambling. oh well, who really reads this shit anyway. all i know is that everything my little girl looks me in the eye, i see unconditional love. and until her, that was something i would have never thought possible. we as people always put conditions on our love, weather we know it or not. but dogs, dogs are truely unconditional. you could not feed them for a week and they would still look at you the same way. you could abuse them all their lives and they would still lick your hand as if to say "im sorry". she is my strength and in some parts, my saving grace. i have found my unconditional love in her, and she is my world.