What do you do....
So what do you do when you get the news? Ya know, the "bad" news. That some one you love is going to die. To me thats worse then getting the "I'm sorry to tell you this but so and so had just died". Atleast that way, it just one BIG shock. Ya know, you get the news, you cry, you grieve, you start to get over and live again. When you find out that some one you love is GOING to die, you have to wait. And wait and wait and wait for the day to finally happen. It could be six months, it could be six years. And what if the time is long enough that you forget that person is going to die and then it happens. Then you get all the pain and emotion hitting you all over again.
Anyway, the point of my story is that I got "the news" the other day about a dear old friend of mine. She kinda like my grandmother. I have known her since forever. The doctors thought that she had a brain tumor and when she went in they found out it was cancer. They tried everything for it, chemo, radiation, the works. My mom called me yesterday with the news that Gretch was back in the hospital and worse then before. Then she told me that the cancer was terminal. Gretch is going to die. Not IS dead, but WILL die. So now I sit here with the news that some one I love very much is going to die and there isnt a damn thing I can do about it. It doesnt matter how much I pray to any god, shes still going to die. There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that I can do, and feeling worthless in this situation makes things harder.
I'm going to see her on Monday. My sister is driving down from NAU to go with me because she knows how much I cannot handle hospitals. Specially when some one I love is dying. Thats all I can do for now, visit her and spend what time I can with her and live with the pain of knowing she is going to die. Then when it finally does happen, my pain can expand, my world can crash, I can die with her, and then start to heal. Start to become whole agian and live a life that doesnt envolve some one I love.
The hardest part right now, the waiting. . . .
Anyway, the point of my story is that I got "the news" the other day about a dear old friend of mine. She kinda like my grandmother. I have known her since forever. The doctors thought that she had a brain tumor and when she went in they found out it was cancer. They tried everything for it, chemo, radiation, the works. My mom called me yesterday with the news that Gretch was back in the hospital and worse then before. Then she told me that the cancer was terminal. Gretch is going to die. Not IS dead, but WILL die. So now I sit here with the news that some one I love very much is going to die and there isnt a damn thing I can do about it. It doesnt matter how much I pray to any god, shes still going to die. There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that I can do, and feeling worthless in this situation makes things harder.
I'm going to see her on Monday. My sister is driving down from NAU to go with me because she knows how much I cannot handle hospitals. Specially when some one I love is dying. Thats all I can do for now, visit her and spend what time I can with her and live with the pain of knowing she is going to die. Then when it finally does happen, my pain can expand, my world can crash, I can die with her, and then start to heal. Start to become whole agian and live a life that doesnt envolve some one I love.
The hardest part right now, the waiting. . . .