ana tomy
It is a curious sensation: the sort of pain that goes mercifully beyond our powers of feeling. When your heart is broken, your boats are burned: nothing matters any more. It is the end of happiness and the beginning of peace.
George Bernard Shaw
Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have - life itself.
Walter Anderson
: )
California next week! I'm ready for a break. I know this anatomy test I'm going to pass on Monday, I just would like to get a B in the class this time around, since I got a C+ last time and a B+ in P Chem, and now physiology (the continuation of P Chem taught by Engelking the intense) and anatomy this time around, the anatomy's somewhat easier since it's a repeat somewhat of dog and cat structures but now horse and cow. So definitely not exactly the same, but it's easier than last semester's tests fo sho. And I'm almost failing physiology at the moment, I have a D though there's still 45% of my grade to go in that class. So if I could flip flop anatomy and physio, C+ in physio and B+ in anatomy that'd be killer. We'll see how it goes. These tests are draining this semester man! Who knew 4 more tests would make such a huge difference. One a week...I honestly don't have weekends anymore. I spend them studying the entire time. I spent 13 hours at school on Friday, got home past 9:30 PM and had class at 8:30 AM that morning. I'm drained. Looking forward to the symposium. I need to lose weight also. LOL I just realized this is exactly the same probably as ALL the rest of my journal entries combined sounds. NEED to do taxes this week, read hours of physiology and hours of immunology since our final worth 50% of our grade in there is right after spring break. Let's face it, I'm not going to be studying much on spring break. So I gotta do as much of the reading as I can this upcoming week.
I look forward to being in love. Hmmm dating is a hassle though!! So time consuming. Thus why I'm taking a break from it for a bit unless I see a particularly fetching catch on okcupid. Scott was super nice but we didn't have the same sense of humor, and I realized that that's something I find important. At least somewhat of an alignment, he didn't laugh much, I'm a laugher fo sho. I LOVE MUMFORD AND SONS MUSIC OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO GOOD!!!!!!! Another must have on my list, is someone who understands me and where I'm coming from, and appreciates me. Both mostly understands me...I think that's really important to me. How do I explain it...I want to be able to share something and have them understand why I'm so excited about it, or why life is so fascinating to me, and beautiful. How amazing people are, traveling is, and why I love being pressed up against a bunch of strangers jumping around in a crowd at a concert or why hearing a gospel choir singing touches my heart, or if seeing children interacting brings a smile to my face or a chuckle. Just someone that vibes with me in that regard...perhaps is the most significant to me of all my wants in a partner, along with patience. They can't have a temper. And finally someone who communicates with me what they're feeling/thinking. None of this crap where I have to guess what they're thinking. I can picture myself with a person that doesn't bull-shit me and just says what's on their mind, but is a sweet guy too.
I'm heading to Boston for St. Patty's Day this Thursday. Going to experience the holiday right apparently haha. OMG I NEED A BREAK!!!!!!!! Drained drained drained drained drained. I often spend my time thinking about now how I have such difficulties talking with people...and how that'll translate into my profession. I mean...I suppose at my internship I talked with the public daily about the animals, and I was able to impart my knowledge to people adequately. There's just something about being in charge of animals' lives, and knowing ALL of this information, I know I'm going to make a ton of errors in the beginning, and that's only normal to learn but it makes me so self-conscious. I'm WAYYYYyyy less inhibited than I was in high school. But I want to be totally uninhibited and not worry about what people think of me. Just be how I am and make errors and not be worried about that kind of thing. Not be afraid to look silly, I suppose most of the time I'm not, but certain things make me feel painfully self-conscious. Ah well, I think I'll be more equipped to face those challenges when I reach that part of my life. Just gotta focus on one obstacle at a time ( and first year veterinary school is definitely worth all of my attention haha)
If I ended up single for the rest of my life too though I suppose that would be alright...I will travel everywhere. I'm already trying to think of how to do that after I graduate from vet school, how I can live somewhere else. Seattle would be a cool city, never lived on that side of the country, I realize I want a big city next but also I still want the cold weather, I don't think I can go back to humidity and 90 degrees ewwww. It was 50 today and it felt sweltering honest to goodness! It would be awesome to do something in New Zealand. I really want a job I can travel oye...so hard to find. One Health organization mayhaps. I will think on it ^_^
OKAY TIME FOR BED!! I'm so ready for this test to be in the past so I can focus on the next few. It's always nerve-wracking when you reach a point where you know a lot, COULD cram more in but feel like you know enough to do well and just want to be done with the thing. The more time that passes the more information I feel leaking out/the more I feel like I can be reading, b/c there's always something to read, but I just don't want to anymore. Holy hell how did it become THREE AM??? I thought it was 2 okay, definitely good night people! I'm definitely stressed out....it's depressing. Sometimes I wonder if I'd grown up in Africa or someplace, wasn't driven by the all mighty dollar and advertisements that have warped my mind into thinking I need some standard of living that's totally unnecessary. One wonders at the perversion in America that doesn't occur in a lot of other places in the world. No other country has the mentality of waste and apathy that our own has. I hate money...I hate how our entire economy is run by this idea that we have to sell things to people and make them NEED them. So much money is spent and wasted in America it's unbelieveable.
Okay and I realized up there I said Africa and ya'll are like, wtf is wrong with you, there's war and shit there. But I was watching that travel channel show guy that goes around the world and tries different food, and he went fishing with these guys in Africa, and they work really hard. They went out fishing, caught the fish by hand. Came home and the guy had his family there. When the host guy asked the translator to ask the fisherman if he thought he had a good life the guy replied "yes of course. I have a job to do, money I make and a family to come home to and spend time with." He looked happy. Obviously...the places with war etc I don't want to live in. But...I gave up facebook a bit for Lent and realizing how much of an impact lack of facebook has on my life, when it shouldn't at all. Our society has a need to be texting to each other constantly, typing online, communicating in a bunch of ways that aren't real, that encourage us to disconnect from each other. I don't like the way our society is. I think the perversion we make women and people feel is abhorrant. You aren't adequate so you NEED this product. You aren't good enough, pretty enough etc, all to SELL us something, all so they can earn way more than the average American and waste it. I mean, business is all about that. Don't get me wrong I love Adam and his profession but he works and gets like...a ridiculous amount of money a day to spend on food like seventy bucks or something. And that's PER DAY. Now...that just encourages an attitude of waste though, you have so much to spend so why not spend it. That money could go for so many better things. I hate how skinny stick woman are plastered everywhere and make the average women feel not good enough. These faces they plaster everywhere aren't even real and are painted and altered by computers and made to physical proportions that are unrealistic. I hate it. I really hate a lot of things about how this country is run...who's to say what is 'better' honestly. I'd rather have few to none personal comforts but appreciate the people around me more in my life, have something to work towards feel fulfillment in but not have this emptiness that consumerism and big business tries to sell you, to make you feel like you need everything to be complete. I wish I'd grown up in a world without advertisement.
George Bernard Shaw
Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have - life itself.
Walter Anderson
: )
California next week! I'm ready for a break. I know this anatomy test I'm going to pass on Monday, I just would like to get a B in the class this time around, since I got a C+ last time and a B+ in P Chem, and now physiology (the continuation of P Chem taught by Engelking the intense) and anatomy this time around, the anatomy's somewhat easier since it's a repeat somewhat of dog and cat structures but now horse and cow. So definitely not exactly the same, but it's easier than last semester's tests fo sho. And I'm almost failing physiology at the moment, I have a D though there's still 45% of my grade to go in that class. So if I could flip flop anatomy and physio, C+ in physio and B+ in anatomy that'd be killer. We'll see how it goes. These tests are draining this semester man! Who knew 4 more tests would make such a huge difference. One a week...I honestly don't have weekends anymore. I spend them studying the entire time. I spent 13 hours at school on Friday, got home past 9:30 PM and had class at 8:30 AM that morning. I'm drained. Looking forward to the symposium. I need to lose weight also. LOL I just realized this is exactly the same probably as ALL the rest of my journal entries combined sounds. NEED to do taxes this week, read hours of physiology and hours of immunology since our final worth 50% of our grade in there is right after spring break. Let's face it, I'm not going to be studying much on spring break. So I gotta do as much of the reading as I can this upcoming week.
I look forward to being in love. Hmmm dating is a hassle though!! So time consuming. Thus why I'm taking a break from it for a bit unless I see a particularly fetching catch on okcupid. Scott was super nice but we didn't have the same sense of humor, and I realized that that's something I find important. At least somewhat of an alignment, he didn't laugh much, I'm a laugher fo sho. I LOVE MUMFORD AND SONS MUSIC OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO GOOD!!!!!!! Another must have on my list, is someone who understands me and where I'm coming from, and appreciates me. Both mostly understands me...I think that's really important to me. How do I explain it...I want to be able to share something and have them understand why I'm so excited about it, or why life is so fascinating to me, and beautiful. How amazing people are, traveling is, and why I love being pressed up against a bunch of strangers jumping around in a crowd at a concert or why hearing a gospel choir singing touches my heart, or if seeing children interacting brings a smile to my face or a chuckle. Just someone that vibes with me in that regard...perhaps is the most significant to me of all my wants in a partner, along with patience. They can't have a temper. And finally someone who communicates with me what they're feeling/thinking. None of this crap where I have to guess what they're thinking. I can picture myself with a person that doesn't bull-shit me and just says what's on their mind, but is a sweet guy too.
I'm heading to Boston for St. Patty's Day this Thursday. Going to experience the holiday right apparently haha. OMG I NEED A BREAK!!!!!!!! Drained drained drained drained drained. I often spend my time thinking about now how I have such difficulties talking with people...and how that'll translate into my profession. I mean...I suppose at my internship I talked with the public daily about the animals, and I was able to impart my knowledge to people adequately. There's just something about being in charge of animals' lives, and knowing ALL of this information, I know I'm going to make a ton of errors in the beginning, and that's only normal to learn but it makes me so self-conscious. I'm WAYYYYyyy less inhibited than I was in high school. But I want to be totally uninhibited and not worry about what people think of me. Just be how I am and make errors and not be worried about that kind of thing. Not be afraid to look silly, I suppose most of the time I'm not, but certain things make me feel painfully self-conscious. Ah well, I think I'll be more equipped to face those challenges when I reach that part of my life. Just gotta focus on one obstacle at a time ( and first year veterinary school is definitely worth all of my attention haha)
If I ended up single for the rest of my life too though I suppose that would be alright...I will travel everywhere. I'm already trying to think of how to do that after I graduate from vet school, how I can live somewhere else. Seattle would be a cool city, never lived on that side of the country, I realize I want a big city next but also I still want the cold weather, I don't think I can go back to humidity and 90 degrees ewwww. It was 50 today and it felt sweltering honest to goodness! It would be awesome to do something in New Zealand. I really want a job I can travel oye...so hard to find. One Health organization mayhaps. I will think on it ^_^
OKAY TIME FOR BED!! I'm so ready for this test to be in the past so I can focus on the next few. It's always nerve-wracking when you reach a point where you know a lot, COULD cram more in but feel like you know enough to do well and just want to be done with the thing. The more time that passes the more information I feel leaking out/the more I feel like I can be reading, b/c there's always something to read, but I just don't want to anymore. Holy hell how did it become THREE AM??? I thought it was 2 okay, definitely good night people! I'm definitely stressed out....it's depressing. Sometimes I wonder if I'd grown up in Africa or someplace, wasn't driven by the all mighty dollar and advertisements that have warped my mind into thinking I need some standard of living that's totally unnecessary. One wonders at the perversion in America that doesn't occur in a lot of other places in the world. No other country has the mentality of waste and apathy that our own has. I hate money...I hate how our entire economy is run by this idea that we have to sell things to people and make them NEED them. So much money is spent and wasted in America it's unbelieveable.
Okay and I realized up there I said Africa and ya'll are like, wtf is wrong with you, there's war and shit there. But I was watching that travel channel show guy that goes around the world and tries different food, and he went fishing with these guys in Africa, and they work really hard. They went out fishing, caught the fish by hand. Came home and the guy had his family there. When the host guy asked the translator to ask the fisherman if he thought he had a good life the guy replied "yes of course. I have a job to do, money I make and a family to come home to and spend time with." He looked happy. Obviously...the places with war etc I don't want to live in. But...I gave up facebook a bit for Lent and realizing how much of an impact lack of facebook has on my life, when it shouldn't at all. Our society has a need to be texting to each other constantly, typing online, communicating in a bunch of ways that aren't real, that encourage us to disconnect from each other. I don't like the way our society is. I think the perversion we make women and people feel is abhorrant. You aren't adequate so you NEED this product. You aren't good enough, pretty enough etc, all to SELL us something, all so they can earn way more than the average American and waste it. I mean, business is all about that. Don't get me wrong I love Adam and his profession but he works and gets like...a ridiculous amount of money a day to spend on food like seventy bucks or something. And that's PER DAY. Now...that just encourages an attitude of waste though, you have so much to spend so why not spend it. That money could go for so many better things. I hate how skinny stick woman are plastered everywhere and make the average women feel not good enough. These faces they plaster everywhere aren't even real and are painted and altered by computers and made to physical proportions that are unrealistic. I hate it. I really hate a lot of things about how this country is run...who's to say what is 'better' honestly. I'd rather have few to none personal comforts but appreciate the people around me more in my life, have something to work towards feel fulfillment in but not have this emptiness that consumerism and big business tries to sell you, to make you feel like you need everything to be complete. I wish I'd grown up in a world without advertisement.