When it rains, it pours. o.o

[frodogamgee]

holy shit

I've sort of locked myself inside for the past few days, doing a lot of reading. Lots of good books here by Plato and Aristole and all those old Greek cronies. But then I went out to check on Pete and discovered that Elanor now has beach-front proper

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[elanorgamgee]

*laughs* You know, it's actually good to be reminded of that once in a while--perhaps I haven't been 'unreasonable' enough lately.

*As carefully and as gracefully as possible she sits down near the water's edge, flashing a grateful smile as he offers an arm to steady her. She looks out over the water, the moonlight playing along the gentle waves and muses* It's quite beautiful isn't it?

*After a moment she begins* It's just that I've been coming closer and closer to my due date, a lot of old family stuff has been popping up for me, not surprisingly. I mean, here I am, about to start a family of my own, so I guess my mind's just been going through the work of sorting out some things. And along with the happy memories and experiences, it's also dredged up a lot of old pain and you know, really convuluted old family stuff. About Mom and Dad and.. you and I and.. G-g's family too, because in a way they sort of took me in as one of their own after Mom left and Dad couldn't be bothered.. *takes a deep breath and releases it slowly, trying to ease some of the ache in her chest* .. and all of this stuff sort of kept coming up over and over again throughout my pregnancy, really. Even the old wounds that I had thought had healed, like Mom leaving, were just ripped open again..

*another deep breath* Anyways, I suppose I could have worked through those old hurts without too too much difficulty, but at the same time I was struggling to hold on to G-g.. *wraps her arms around herself as if to shield her from more pain* and then when he left..

*takes several long moments to regain her barings a bit* Well, that was little over a month ago. In fact, I only returned to the Shire myself about a week before you did--I had been staying in Dol Amroth since Yule, trying to forget that he was gone...

*shakes head, dismissing this for the time being* Anyways, I came back home and all of a sudden I was faced not only with all th eold family stuff that was all bound together in this impossible-to-untangle knot, btut I had G-g's departure to contend with. And I just didn't know where to begin unraveling all this, but I knew I had to, for my daughter's sake. *shifts her arms so that she's hugging her belly*

*glances up at him and laughs a bit nervously* And that's when you arrived in the Shire.

*looks back out to sea* It's not so much that you brought some of this old unresolved stuff with you, although there was a tiny bit of that.. but rather, that you just happened to come atthe time I was trying to sort through all this stuff. *laughs again, softly* Needless to say, I wasn't at my most 'together'.

[frodogamgee]

*He had spent the better part of listening to her talk as he looked out at the water, and dug his toes into the dirt beneath his feet. When she finished, he looked back to her and studied her face in the moonlight, and then had to look away, because she was too beautiful like that*

I appericate you telling me all this, *he answered quietly. It was, perhaps, better than he deserved* I would apologise again, for picking such an in-oppertune time to return, but I don't think it would matter, anymore. *he took a deep breath, pondering over all his own problems and angsts buried inside, but not forgotten* Have you heard anything about mom and dad, anyway? I mean, do they even know you're expecting? *not that he suspected either one of them would do much more than crack jokes about littering the world with more Gamgee's, but it seemed like he should ask.*

[elanorgamgee]

*looks over at him and smiles softly* There's nothing to apologize for, Frodo--how were you to know? I just wanted to explain, is all.

*returns her gaze to the water and sighs quietly* Dad and Mr. Frodo know. But they left to go over Sea as well. Sometimes they pop back up, once in a long while, but.. *lets her voice trail off, not wishing to even speak her hope that they may come to see the baby*

*deep breath* As for Mom, *heavy sigh* I haven't seen Mom since before.. no wait! I think I had just gotten pregnant but I didn't even know.. well.. I hoped that I was but..

*returning to the subject at hand, she adds quietly* No, she doesn't even know. *glances back up at him* Can you believe that? I'm about ready to give birth and Mom doesn't even know I'm pregnant?

[frodogamgee]

*He couldn't meet her eyes, because until a week ago, he hadn't known she was pregnant either. He swallowed hard, and wondered how poorly she must have thought of him for not even sending her a letter or a postcard saying "How do you do?" And because of his mother's absence he wanted to reassure Elanor that their mother probably did know somehow. He felt he should defend her, but he couldn't force the words out. The day she had been 'liberated' from their father, she had changed. The mother he and Elanor had grown up with was as good as dead. Things did change, and he had learned to accept that, but losing their mother had never sat well with him -- and it obviously sat worse with Elanor. He finally tore his eyes off of their vantage point of his toes and looked back to his sister* She's missing out on a great thing, Elly. And it's gonna be her loss. *He gingerly lowered himself down, at last, to sit beside her, and drew his knees to his chest* But she wasn't there for Mer, either, or any of us. I mean, *softly* I died, Elly, and she wasn't there. Not really.

I've sort of let her go. She might still be alive out there somewhere, but she's not the mother we knew. That woman died a long time ago.

[elanorgamgee]

*sighs quietly and stares out over the water a long time before answering*

I don't know, Frodo.. I guess I can't quiet think of her is dead.. transformed, maybe, but not entirely dead. *reaches out and steadies herself against his arm while she shifts position slightly in an attempt to ease the pain of the Braxton-Hicks contraction she's feeling* But maybe that's just childish thinking.. after all, if you don't have the belief that somewhere out there, wherever she may be, your mother is still holding you in her heart.. what do you have?

[frodogamgee]

I have people like you, and Mer, and . . . maybe Merry, still. I still love mom, and I still care about her, but I find that I can't afford to miss her anymore. She gave me twenty-two and a half undivided years of her life. I figure she deserves a break.

And, sometimes it's easier to remember as she was, as opposed to what she's become.

[elanorgamgee]

*glances over at him for a moment* I know--it's justthe pregnancy thing again, I think. I'm not sure it's possible to go through a pregnancy and labor and childbirth without bring up old issues about one's mother.

*laughs softly* Well, I think new Mom would have been proud of me. Did you know I walked out on G-g in November? I could no longer stand living with the constant reminder that his heart was elsewhere.

[frodogamgee]

*he looks back out at the water, watching the way the moonlight rippled on the surface, his knees still tucked under his chin comfortably* I don't suppose I'll ever really understand pregnancy, Elly. It's not something I mean to be unsympathetic towards, but unlike Mer, if I ever have children, I plan to adopt them. I know all too well about how many children are unwanted by their parents; the world doesn't need more Gamgee's. *he smiled over at her faintly at that, but they both knew that despite all the jokes people made about their family that they had learned to brush off or laugh at, in the core of it all, it hurt. A lot.* Besides, I'm still of the belief that men just aren't supposed to have babies. I know, I'm sexist, but, *he smiles more geniuinely now* I can't help it.

As for Gil-Galad, no, I didn't know you walked out. *He glanced back to the sea, wondering how someone could so love it that they would give up Elanor for it* That's truly his loss.

[elanorgamgee]

*Smirking back at the shared joke, she starts to say something but thinks better of it*

*raises eyebrow playfully* Can't help being sexist or can't help the thought? I don't necessarily think the thought sexist, but I suppose that would depend on why you think so.

*rueful smile* Ah, but you know what Valinor's like. I'm sure the Scion of Kings isn't feeling too much pain.

*softens the bitterness out of her voice* I really should give him the chance to stay true to his word, though. *whispers* He does deserve that at least. *She holds her breath as she starts to feel another contraction, as if to stop her very body from marking time for her.. time that the elf was running out of*

*focuses on her body and wills herself to breathe through the contraction*

[frodogamgee]

*He glares at the sea, finding it more and more distasteful now that he knows more personally what it does to people. While Gil-Galad was probably happier, and Mr. Frodo and their dad there all smiles and painless, the ones they left still hurt in their wake. He had been to Valinor; he knew it's charms and its luxuries. But he knew the price it meant to go there as well, when others couldn't follow. He turns to retort to her, about Gil-Galad's loss, about to say how he doesn't deserve it, when he notices her tensed face. She looked like she was pained, and he was suddenly alarmed.* Elly? What's wrong? *He was moving, getting to his knees as he spoke*

[elanorgamgee]

*focuses on her breathing, not so much because this contraction is unbearable but in order to practice for the Real Thing*

*between measured breaths* I'm ok, Frodo--just another 'practice' contraction.. *smiles a bit wryly once it's passsed* But they're certainly starting to feel 'real'.

*Having caught the flash of anger in her brother's eyes before he jumped up to see if she was ok, she says softly* I could have gone with him, Frodo, but I decided to stay here.

[frodogamgee]

*He settled back down, after assured Elanor wasn't going into actual labour. He shakes his head at her strength and the fear that such a labour gives him. He knows he could never put himself in her position.* *After he settles down he looks away from her, back out at the sea* I understand why you didn't go, knowing it wasn't yet your time. Why he had to leave you, though . . . *it was inexcusable to him: elfs were immortal, Elanor's lifespand was a blink of the eye to someone like Gil-Galad. Why couldn't he have just waited? He had waited so long already, it seemed another 100 years would hardly matter*

[elanorgamgee]

*pauses for a long time before answering--of course that was the question she had struggled with every day for weeks*

*quietly* But that's just it--how does one know when it's their time? What does that mean, anyways? I mean, at some point I will be joining him.. *silently adds to herself* if he returns, that is.

[frodogamgee]

*he stiffens a little and glances to her.* I hope you won't leave shortly after your child is born? *He looks at her coolly, and then back to the sea, perhaps sadly* I know he'll come for the birth. I'll go to Valinor myself and kick his ass if he doesn't. *He smiles wryly, but looks back to her. The last thing he wanted to see was Elanor having to raise her child all on her own. He resented the fact that all this time she had been pregnant and he hadn't even known to have returned sooner to help her. Nine months she had been pregnant -- almost as long as he'd been gone for. He drew his knees back to his chest, and closed his eyes against the memories of that time*

[elanorgamgee]

*Her answer is quiet, matter of fact, perhaps a bit cool itself*

No, had I planned that I would have already left.

*She understood her brother's anger at G-g leaving her when he did, and in a way she was grateful for it, as it was anger that she herself had not permitted herself to feel. Yet at the same time a part of her wanted to challenge him: 'Who are you to say anything on the matter? You weren't here and you don't know everything that happened between him and me, what he and I had to struggle against and work through.'*