Return post and a surprise
Bingo already wrote back. That was fast... I was expecting to have more time to get adjusted to this place again. Oh, well... I'm utterly terrified and nervous, but this is a good thing. The sooner I am able to talk to him the better
( Read more... )
It doesn't take much awareness to realize there was a problem with what you did when you interferred with my healing, it really doesn't! You left. Again. After promises of staying. *starts pacing* And . . . I couldn't accept you'd just break those promises . . again . . . but my not being able to accept your failings and back away was my problem . . . I took responsibility for it by walking The Fire to help me let go. I wasn't.letting.go. I wasn't letting go that you weren't there. Do you understand?
*makes a sweeping gesture with his arm* So what do you do? You waltz up. You know it's our relationship I'm needing distance from. You tell me it was you who I was trying to forget, anyway. Despite how that might interfere with my healing. Did you stop to think for one moment what interferring with such a magical therapy could do? Did you? Do you know anything about the Blue Fire? And what the risks are? Did you think to ask? Some people go into shock and don't recover, that's what can happen! Luckily I had Grandmum feeding me medicines. But here's the topper! The absolute topper! You told me! And then promptly . . . DISAPPEARED!!!!!*yells, swinging his arms about with fists in the air* You left me like that! You left me distraught, physically and mentally in anguish for nothing, for no point, for no reason AT ALL!
*ends with this crescendo then plops onto a chair, and adds with quiet anger* Dear Elbereth! That was rich. *looks at Iorhael with cooling fury*
Reply
I think I do. I interrupted that process and made it harder.
No, I did not think or know anything about the Blue Fire. *pins his ears at the yelling* I cannot refute that. I did disappear, and I have no good reason for it. That is what I have been saying, and part of the reason I am here. To accept responsibility for that, to apologize... to do whatever it is I need to do to help your healing since I caused the wounds and so endangered the process of your healing.
*watches him quietly*
Reply
*tents his hands before him, trying to quiet his breathing*
Reply
*light smile to try and break tension* And for reaffirming that I am a self-absorbed nitwit.
Reply
*takes a breath, half bitter and half good-natured return gibe* Glad I could be of service, I suppose.
*takes another breath* So. What exactly are you trying to offer me then?
Reply
Reply
Well, if we're to be any kind of friends in time, I need you to not make promises you can't keep, which at this point, is still any promise at all. Only time will tell if you grow in trustworthiness. And to be quite blunt, right now, you don't have any with me. If you want to be a friend, I'm willing to try. But . . . I'm not willing to be tried . . . if we plan together on anything, be it a picnic or an errand to bring sugar, and you leave me in the lurch, I reserve the right to rescind my offer of friendship.
Reply
*nods* Terms accepted and agreed upon. *offers his hand* If I disappear, or fail to make it to anything we have planned... even a run for sugar... you have full right to revoke the offer of friendship, and I will make no further attempts.
Reply
Reply
Reply
*opens his mouth to speak, and closes it again, thinking over the words Iorhael was offering to shake over, downs his cup of cold, cold tea, clears his throat, then fixes his eyes on Iorhael's with a look of resignation* Seriously, Iorhael, you're not here for me. Why are you here? Tell me.
Reply
Reviewing my memories once I began to recover them... even fragments... I felt a great deal of remorse over what I have done. So, I am here for me, in a way... *dips his head* I am sure that will add to the evidence of my self-absorbtion, but I believe we've already agreed on that fact of my personality.
I genuinly want to try and right the wrong. I do miss you this place. I feel drawn to it...
That is a hard question to answer, and I feel that no matter what I say, it will be judged as a bad reason to be in this land again.
Reply
*puts his hands in his lap* You do know, Iorhael, that self-absorption isn't an unchangeable facet of one's personality. But that's up to you.
*nods*
Tell me anyway.
Reply
I think that realizing that one is self-absorbed is the first step to the process of change. I never realized it before now, looking back. I even told the writer that I thought myself... what was it? Ah, an 'austere dunderhead'. *shakes his head at himself* I do want to change... and yet, I still catch myself doing it, even as I'm talking to you now. I predict that I will have a lot of time on my hands in the near future in which I can start actually working on that.
....I... I have used the past tense when I speak of my love for you, because I have not felt it appropriate to say that I still feel for you. I do. I... I have been looking at my memories, and I see what a wonderful hobbit you are, how good you were to me... the happy moments that we shared and I... I want to curl up a cry for how carelessly I threw that away. How I hurt you... *pauses, covering his eyes with his hand for a moment to gather his thoughts and compose himself*We could have been happy and stayed happy if I had tried harder... done more. *looks at Bingo* Please don't misinterpret what I'm saying here. I'm not even remotely asking you to take me back. That's not plausible with my history.
Reply
*listens* What's different in the near future from right now? Just asking.
*bits his lip* Well, what do you think is plausible? What have you considered? *gets up to pick up the tea pot and fills their cups* And feel free to ask me the same question, if you'd like.
Reply
I would like to be your friend, and I think that that is plausible. Or I hope it is. *nods his thanks to the refill* Thank you. Yes... what do you think is plausible?
Reply
Leave a comment